#being21

My best friend got engaged.

Another friend just had a kid

One just got a big job in a corporate office

It’s like I’m in this altered state of reality trapped in the shadow of my own emotions What if once they see me as I am, they decide to go? What if someone touches the depth of my sorrow where even I couldn’t reach, and decide to stay? Will I be able to take it? Exposing the flesh of my own sin, uncovering this side of me am I ready? I’d rather slowly dissolve into nothingness I’ll disappear someday, where I’ll be safe under the dark shade Call out to me, call out to the open sea where I’ll be safe and sound still, as the heart of the sea…​

But you shut people out because you fear rejection cutting strings off before they were even formed Is that the life you want? Living inside the shell you built for your own? Wallowing in self pity, crawling deeper into the pit every minute until the sky’s too far out of reach until you get too comfortable being one with darkness life stuck in a blurry haze trapped in the shadow of your own emotions circling in this altered state of reality not realizing the one thing require to excape is nothing else but the will, of your own a will to conquer, to defeat; to rediscover the strength to breath, to embrace and set free, to love and to live, to reach infinity…

​抑鬱是什麼？有人說症狀猶如感冒。 輕質，重質， 偶爾靈魂會累了也需時覆原； 如崩緊的神經，勞累的身驅也需時放緊鬆弛一樣， 就偶而一下的，在人群以外一角 停頓稍會， 休憩之時耐心等候覆原，再起步。

是季節性流行感冒，無目標方向的 會隨意附上任何身軀， 纏住血管大小動脈，塞住內外角個活口， 連呼吸 也逐漸變困難。 
如感冒病患者一樣， 怕此累人的寄生病菌 拖跨別人； 怕閃避的目光， 怕被批濫用籍口， 怕被嘲本質弱， 怕 是本質弱， 而選擇不語。


亦有人說， 如像處於龍捲暴風的中央，眼看四周  一齊被風暴無情摧毀，被拆解成殘渣， 一點一滴如被潑上過琉酸， 融解掉剩餘的陽光。 似被氣泡包圍 捲瑟於風眼中心位置， 無助的觀看整個世界以極限速度 旋轉，變色，剝落，變調， 見證着這 絕望壯舉。 在暴戾摧殘中 由空隙穿透出的吶喊， 又被周遭 狂吼的猛獸支配聲量， 輕易蓋過。 在視野觸不到的陰霾籠罩底下， 腦海反覆翻轉，緩緩遞出的手 也一口被吞噬。