#behavior tips

It's the moment that every parent hates: you're out at a restaurant or a store with your child, and they decide to throw (what feels like) an epic meltdown in the most public place possible. Elaine Rose Glickman, author of Your Kid's a Brat and It's All Your Fault, is a firm believer that your child's desire to express their frustration, and your own desire to accomplish a task, do not trump the right of other people to have a pleasant experience. She chatted with POPSUGAR about how to avoid this dreaded situation. Whether you can sense the bout of bad behavior coming on or are feeling helpless about what to do when it starts, this advice can be a game changer in the heat of the moment. * Keep your cool: Remind yourself that every parent has been in this position at one point, and if they haven't yet, it's only a matter of time. Dig deep to stay calm, because how you handle their fit in public will impact how they act while you two are out together in the future. * Remember that you have a responsibility: Keep in mind that when you take your child out in public, you not only have a responsibility to them but also to the people around you. While it might be easier (and more time effective) to ignore their bad behavior, you must take action. * Distract your child: If you are out with your child and you can tell that a meltdown is brewing, try distracting them before things get out of hand. Whether you avoid an aisle, offer to play a game, or assign them a helpful task, switching gears in their mind can be a lifesaver for you. * Be positive: If you can see that your child is about to start screaming about something they want, cut them off by complimenting them on the great behavior they've been exhibiting and offer them a potential treat when you get home if they keep it up. Now you've got them feeling good about themselves and thinking ahead. "You've been able to distract them," said Glickman. "You stave off the tantrum without having to use an angry voice, without being embarrassed, without having to do anything but being positive." * Remove them from the situation: If preventing the tantrum fails, it can be very helpful to move away from where they are melting down. Even if it's inconvenient, take your child outside and stay outside until he or she can compose him or herself. "It's not fair to keep a screaming child in the grocery store just because it's more convenient for you," Glickman added. "It teaches the children that they can behave however they want. That's not the person you want to be - someone who is just so inconsiderate of other people who are around you." * Look for the cause: Sometimes kids are throwing tantrums for no reason, but sometimes they're just really overwhelmed. They could be hungry or tired, or something entirely different could be setting them off. If you get them out of the grocery store, if you get them out of the restaurant, sometimes just being out of that environment will get them to calm down and will let you connect with them and understand what's wrong so that you can solve the problem without having to abandon the rest of your outing. * Don't let them manipulate you: Take precautions to make sure that the behavior won't be repeated. If your little one is throwing a tantrum because they don't want to be at the restaurant or at the grocery store - and they're acting out in a manipulative kind of way - then you have to be careful. By taking the child out of the grocery store, you've given the child what they want. They want to get out of the store and now they're out of the store, so be sure not to cave into their bad behavior and simply go home once they calm down outside. http://bit.ly/2dUqvpw

No matter how sweet and angelic your child is, there are times you have to do a double take when you catch a glimpse of toddler fury or a surprising amount of rage for an innocent preschooler. And while kicking, screaming, and biting occasionally come with the territory of raising a tiny human, luckily for most, kids typically outgrow these antisocial tendencies and replace aggressive actions with socially appropriate behavior before age 5. So what if you notice that your child is still displaying confrontational behavior as he or she is getting older? The American Academy of Pediatrics says that learning to manage feelings of anger and coping with frustration are crucial tasks of early childhood. It's common for little ones to struggle when they feel overwhelmed as they start to learn key problem-solving skills, but if they continue to display negative actions, it can lead to serious problems as they grow up. If your tot displays any of the following nine signs of aggression, it's important to remember that your kid isn't maliciously trying to upset you. It's equally important for parents to remember that their children's behavior is not a direct result of their actions. If you focus on what's frustrating with the situation, it becomes difficult to see when your child is improving - which makes positive progress even harder for your child. While aggression can be caused by genetics, modeling, and behavioral disorders, it's oftentimes a sign of a physiological delay. Kids' developing nervous systems aren't able to control their impulses as much as other children their age. For other kids, their combative outbursts are just an indication that they need to learn and practice new social skills and coping mechanisms. If you have a rowdy little one on your hands, check out these nine signs of an aggressive child and learn what you can do about it. http://bit.ly/2dSwLOG

When children fight, or, in particular, when one child picks on another, parents are quick to mend the damage by demanding apologies. "Say you're sorry," they instruct, and the kids often oblige, even if they don't necessarily mean it. "I'm sorry," they say to one another, not very convincingly. According to Laura Markham, a child psychologist who wrote the book Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings: How to Stop the Fighting and Raise Friends For Life, such forced apologies are doing more harm than good. That's because, if you ask children what they think of the practice, they'll be the first to tell you it's meaningless: "When I'm mad, I hate apologizing. It just makes me madder." "I don't like it when my brother apologizes to me when my parents make him do it, because he acts like he doesn't even mean it. It makes me mad all over again." "It's lying to apologize when you don't mean it." Forcing the words "I'm sorry" not only teaches the wrong lessons, but it doesn't actually solve the problem. "Decades of research on romantic relationships shows that when one person in the couple feels forced to apologize before he or she is ready, it doesn't help repair the relationship at all," Markham told Yahoo Parenting. "We believe the same is true for children when it comes to friends and siblings." So what to do instead? 1. Focus on helping children communicate rather than on the ritual of apology. "If you follow the practices of helping children express their wants and needs, listen to each other, and restate what they heard their sibling say, children will begin to heal their conflicts at a deeper level, so that apologies often become almost superfluous, just as with adults," Markham writes in her book. 2. Wait until the anger has subsided. If your child suggests apologizing, listen to her voice. If she still sounds angry, make it clear you don't want her to apologize until she means it. Say something to the effect of, "I'm not asking you to say something that's untrue because I don't think that ever makes anyone feel better." 3. Empower your children to "repair things" on their own. This does not mean assigning your child a "consequence" to pay off his debt. Instead, you are encouraging him to choose what he might do to make things better. You can give him ideas - writing a nice card, fixing the broken toy - but Markham instructs parents to then say, "I know you'll figure out the perfect thing to do" and leave the room. 4. Lead by example with all future interactions. "Children learn from us how to repair relationship ruptures," Markham writes, so it is up to us to be sure our apologies are sincere - that we aren't mindlessly, and thus meaninglessly, blurting out those two important words ourselves. http://bit.ly/2doPUEc

Quite simply: moms of kids with food allergies live in a different reality than those whose kids can eat anything, anytime. It's just the truth. It's hard to explain the fear that comes with learning that a smidgen of peanut butter, a single sesame seed, or a bite of a cupcake could be fatal for your child. I also know it's equally hard to empathize unless you're dealing with it yourself - I never got it until my son was diagnosed with a life-threatening food allergy. You may not always get it either, but being more understanding never did any harm, so check out a few things that I wish nonallergy moms understood a little better. http://bit.ly/2d4LSB2

Indiana State Police officer Precious Corner Jones was surprised when he noticed a little boy just lying on the floor in what appeared to be a pretty defeated pose. That's when Precious tried to help the boy get up by getting down on the floor with him. A photo of the officer and the boy on the floor together has since been shared by the Love What Matters Facebook page, where it's amassed over 23,000 shares. In the caption, Precious explained, "This little fella was having a tough morning and fell out on the floor. I seen his mother step back and look. She stated this is how he is expressing himself lately." It was at that moment that he decided to lie down and "get on his level." Although the little boy was crying, Precious continued to cheer him up and tell him that things would be OK, no matter what was bothering him. "As an adult sometimes all we want is one person to stop, get on our level, and maybe wipe our tears," Precious said. "These children are entitled to bad days just as us, so give them that moment to bring it together." The sweet moment is serving as a reminder that we all want to be understood in times of frustration, whether you're an adult or a little kid throwing a tantrum. http://bit.ly/2d1TtQC

Get children to stop interrupting your conversations and start properly greeting strangers with this easy guidance from our friends at Fatherly. How do you raise well-behaved children? Our twins, a boy and a girl, are in 8th grade. Between the 2 of them, they have won Student of the Quarter for Respect, and Student of the Quarter for Compassion 4 times (the maximum awards allowed to a student). Here's a pretty simple formula we used for raising them. It's deceptively simple. But it applies very widely: Respect their needs, and set boundaries on their actions. Here's an example. Lots of kids interrupt their parents. We were just at a friend's house and her daughter could come up and interrupt any time. At first, the mother yelled at the child, and then gave up and just put up with it. Years ago, we told our kids, you can't interrupt us when we're talking to friends. But, sometimes we need to talk to you, they said. So, we created a system whereby when they need to interrupt us, they come over, stand quietly, and put a hand on our shoulder or knee. Our part is to finish our sentence, and acknowledge our kids right away. We handle the issue and go back to our conversation. So, they get their needs met - they get our attention. And we get our needs met - we don't have our conversation interrupted and we don't get nagged. It takes both of us working together. As another example, my wife feels very strongly that when someone comes to visit the family, our kids greet them at the door and look them in the eye. But our daughter, in particular, is a bit shy with strangers. So, we said, sure, you don't have to stay afterward. While you're here, I'll hold your hand. We can stand with our arms around each other. You can even stand behind me if that makes you feel better. As long as you look the visitor in the eye and welcome them. It's that way with everything we ask them to do to show respect. Usually, if they don't want to do it, it's because they have some need that seems to conflict. So we draw that out and figure out a strategy that's respectful and meets our needs and theirs. http://bit.ly/2cZBTgi

See that bin? That holds every toy my kids have, except Legos, and it's only about halfway full. This isn't to show how hardcore we are or to say that you have to do this to experience the fullness of a life lived intentionally with less stuff, but only to say that kids are naturally happy little creatures. They're made to imagine, play, explore, and create. If you remove everything they've been told to stay entertained with, they will complain for a few days, but pretty soon their God-given imaginations will breathe a deep sigh and be brought to life again. They'll discover the beauty in making up stories and acting them out together, of finding bugs and naming them Hubert (Bella's grasshopper), and of forming a strong bond uninterrupted by noisy toys that do all the playing for them. It's a beautiful exchange- junk for life. I'm never going back and I'll spend my life spreading this message. 💕 #minimalism #childhoodunplugged A photo posted by Allie Casazza (@allie_thatsme) on Sep 13, 2016 at 11:10am PDT Parenting blogger Allie Casazza recently donated most of her children's toys, except for the few remaining ones that fit in a small bin, and has zero regrets about it. Though her unconventional technique was meant to teach her children about simplicity and minimalism, she ended up learning a powerful lesson, too. In an Instagram caption, Allie explained that she didn't donate the toys just to make her children feel more comfortable living with less stuff, but to also prove a point about how children are generally "happy little creatures" without need of a ton of extras. "They're made to imagine, play, explore, and create," she wrote. While Allie said that her little ones did complain at the beginning, they ended up adapting quickly. "They'll discover the beauty in making up stories and acting them out together, of finding bugs and naming them Hubert (Bella's grasshopper), and of forming a strong bond uninterrupted by noisy toys that do all the playing for them," she wrote. In the end, she found that her conscious exchange of "junk for life" was one of the best parenting decisions she's ever made. http://bit.ly/2cYIMhV