#befriend yourself

quick list of various personality tests to get you thinking.

don’t hold too closely to these tests. remember, personality is somewhat plastic; you are capable of growth and change.

🌱 16 personalities / myer briggs

🌱 strength finder

🌱 astrology *

🌱 enneagram + intro

🌱 philosophical belief

🌱 human design + intro

🌱 political compass

🌱 dark core

🌱 communication style

🌱iPIP-300′s big 5

one more, to lighten the mood,

🌱 hogwarts sorting hat

*ppl love to argue about what software is best for chart mapping. use the above or this.

curious for more? here are two lists of various personality typing tests.

buzzfeed, the vlogbrothers, and everyone else are fixated on the buzzwords burnout. it’s an important concept to acknowledge, in order to give one another more grace, and to validate our ability to decline requests.

but what’s next? do we talk about stamina? do we talk about maintaining our ability to function, past the capitalistic concept of ~self care~ with bath bombs, face masks, and candles? these are so important, but really, we can cover ourselves in aromatherapy and light and move to hawaii to freeload off other people’s kindness, but if our head isn’t centered and stable, we will just be really nice smelling, clear skinned sad people with burnout. which is nice. but not optimal.

it’s taken a long time for me to learn that centering and presence really does shift my ability to cope with anxiety.

in a very literal way, when i am on my yoga mat, i am empowered to remind myself that the only things that truly exist for me, in this moment, is literally within that rectangle on the floor. everything else might take up space in my brain, but there is little i can do about it right now, bc right now, the only things i impact are within this rectangle. and that’s all i am required to think about.

when i am doing one thing, i can just do the one thing. i do not have to also contemplate sixteen relationships and how the past influences the present and my to do list and how frustrated i am about this thing that isn’t currently relevant and and and and,,,,,

eastern meditation follows this philosophy. when we meditate in this style, we connect to our physical bodies, in the physical space we are within. we understand that we are in our bodies right here, and that is the only place we are in. we shut down our eyes, quiet the mind, and allow thoughts to come, but we do not follow them.

some people describe this as watching clouds float by, without getting up to chase them. this is the bird in the barn concept. a bird flies into the barn, but we do not make the bird a nest. we simply open the doors and windows, enabling it to leave when it needs to, and we let it be.

even if a thought occurs to us, we learn that we do not have to cling to it. this is the philosophy behind aparigraha, a limb of patanjali's eight limbs of yoga: 

non-grasping. letting go. accepting.

at its core, it is a practice of non-aggression. of relaxing. of melting.

this is not accepting the way things are with no hope of growth. this is not stagnancy. this is letting go of that anxiety. acknowledging that our bodies and minds and situations shift, and that right now, we do not need to clench.

this is grace. understanding that a thought has occurred (we are not our thoughts, sometimes thoughts happen to us), and not getting angry-frustrated-cruel-judgemental towards ourselves or others.

sometimes, we have to nod and say okay, we won’t build you a nest. sometimes, we have to actively orient ourselves where we are, to solidify and reinstate that this is all we have to worry about right now (this is why it is a practice to count 5 things we see, 4 things we feel, 3 things we hear, etc, engaging our senses during an anxiety attack. this is also why things like bathbombs, essential oils, and face masks help. they engage the senses and require just enough headspace to distract us from thoughts. another way to do this is to draw neat spirals or repeated lines, or to suck hard candy, or to wear a mala bracelet and count the beads.) sometimes, we do have to respond to our thoughts, gently. to say “hey, it’s okay, this doesn’t concern you right now.” be kind. i used to talk to myself like an abusive parent to a three year old with a tantrum. totally unhelpful, generating more negative energy i could physically feel. sometimes, we have to empty our minds to continue in the present. think to-do lists and journal vents. get it out onto paper; it’s there to return to and organize (you won’t forget), but it’s there for later. you are allowed to focus on right now.

you are here. there are many birds, and sometimes there are not. like seasons, the moon, and animals, we also move in cycles. it’s okay to sometimes feel overwhelmed and overpowered by the world and our selves. but it’s also okay to say you know what? for ten minutes, i get to practice object impermanence. i am where i am, focusing on this one thing. i exist in only this little space right now. and i can let everything else rest a moment.

take a moment here. drop into your body. where are you tight? relax your forehead. unclench your jaws. lower your shoulders. relax your hips. shake out your legs. go in peace.

if you have any thoughts or ideas or questions relating to burnout and stamina, please let me know. ask box is always open to you.

ps. you should definitely watch the john and hank green’s responses to burnout: what is burnout? on burning resentment should you burn dirty fuel?

hiya beast. sending love. sounds like you have a lot of bittersweets. i’m glad your sister’s getting helped rn. practice what you said to me- you’re stressed, and i doubt anyone will be too surprised. remember also that joy can still take place in the midst of stress or fear or anxiety etc, so soften if you ever feel like an imposter, when everyone around you think you’re more happy. but yes, vulnerability is so hard!

first make sure you’re organized. sometimes i let it slip and this morning i spent some time reforming my planner. even if you have your planner and you feel organized, try making a task list. write it all out as it comes to you. then reorder with priorities and just start chugging.

my boss recently gave me a notebook to write “have-done” lists. she wants me to practice writing everything i have done already, on days i feel overwhelmed and burnt out. such as i turned off my alarm. i stretched my arms. i got out of bed. i prepped breakfast. i ate it. i made my bed. i prepped my shower. i washed my hair. i moisturized. etc. every tiny detail, bc these are all accomplishments.

it helps me to reexamine my motivations and desires. why did i start doing xyz in the first place? what am i getting out of it? sometimes i need to take a step back, or listen to someone else talk about why it’s good. for example, i can lost motivation for daily gym+yoga sessions, but when i remember the science and the way it helps me, i reclaim my reasons. same with my masters… it makes me angry sometimes, but then i have to remind myself that growth and knowledge and deepening is important to me, and how this operates in my life.

take r e s t days, or evenings/afternoons/mornings. physically, mentally, emotionally. listen to your body and your mind and refresh, if you need.occasionally this refresh is productive. for ex, when i cannot focus on my pile of readings, doing 15 minute ab workouts between articles resets my mind, gives an endorphin pump, and i’m getting in my workout for the day.

vitamins help. gut help = brain health. think d3, b12, a probiotic, gaba if you’re anxious.

do small things as meditation. for example, making tea or coffee can be a sensory experience. remind yourself that all you have to think about in this moment is the way this feels. that’s all. then, take it back to whatever you’re working on, and every time you sip, enjoy that. pay attention to it.

tell someone!! tell a parent. talk about how much you have to do and how you feel. they will at least be able to listen, if not provide some insight or ideas.

i hope this helps. you’re heard, and i know many reading will identify with you. thinking bout you! x

it snowed here too. blizzard-y. it gives me anxiety, bc i’m afraid of cars in snow and ice, but it looks pretty, and harsh. i love it.

i hear you. i’m going to go out on a limb and say it’s in your head. i was standing in front of my mirror today, feeling like the most whiney coworker on the planet, when i realized i was consolidating my memories... i keep remember instances from months ago as if they were all last week, and then i want to crawl out of my skin. idk. our brains warp our view.

i’m in this weird place, of wanting to draw closer to people. and people asking me to draw closer. and finally. finally. i’m pausing before i leap out of obligation. like i “should” say yes bc i want intimacy, and they want intimacy, so obviously i should want intimacy with them. finally. i’m listening. saying no. pulling away.and honestly, that hurts. i feel bitchy, and i feel lonely, but i also feel calm. i know i’m making smart decisions.

as for the loneliness, i think it’s harder when we hardly see the sun. today was the first day, after 10 days without sunlight. i’ve lost some of my habits (like daily yoga and the gym) and i can feel myself slipping away with the habits. so, when you’re sinking into the loneliness, find a habit or two that make you feel at home within your body and your physical space, whether that’s stretching, mindfully making tea in the morning, aromatherapy, the gym, or something else. also, i challenge you to journal in some way. maybe that’s by tweeting on a private twitter, texting yourself, or writing in a journal. i don’t really care what you write. vent and/or say something you’re thankful for. however, i do also challenge you to write down at least one actionable goal. i don’t really care what it is, unless it’s toxic or dependent on other people, such as “get a date friend.” say you want to learn more about xyz, and youre going to gather materials to do so. say you want to be stronger or more flexible (but be specific. say you want one part of your body to improve, and it’s best if you also have a reason to motivate you). say you want to write three poems. say you want to read a certain book. say you want to get better at drawing faces. maybe you just want to go work in a coffeeshop once a week. idk. something that you picture your dream self doing. set a goal. do it.and work on liking yourself, again, actionably. wear outfits you love. gather that inspo. paint your nails if you want. it’s in little things, like i wear the same four rings every day, and the two earrings. those details make me feel like me. do your hair a new way. use chapstick. whatever. find your thing. do your thing.

ooh favorite question. but meaning i have to pick through my babies? ugh. what a mess you’ve opened yourself up to!

the book thief by markus zusak and six of crows by leigh bardugo, immediately. both books are character driven, and what glorious characters they are. i immediately fell in love with all of them. six of crows is a dope heist novel, with well written diverse characters who are fierce, funny, and very, very real. the book thief is a world war ii novel like no other, and it makes me feel things. it’s so beautiful.

ugh, i just read the absolutely true diary of a part time indian by sherman alexie and adored it. i literally cried at work just out of love for the characters. i also liked the help by kathryn stockett (historical fiction),  fangirl by rainbow rowell (college realism), little fish by ramsey beyer (more college realism, but in comic form), jellicoe road by melina marchetta (strange and confusing until it makes sense, then it’s just gritty, intense, and stunning). the last time we say goodbye by cynthia hand (about a sister after her brother commits suicide tw) and perks both have soft spots in my heart as well even tho they’re hard to read.

poetry-wise, anything by andrea gibson. night sky with exit wounds by ocean vuong is glorious. madness, rack, and honey by mary ruefle is amazing, all essays about words and the moon and poetry. word warriors by alix olson is a compilation of women in slam. what is this thing called love by kim addonizio. also poetry as insurgent art by lawrence ferlinghetti is a tiny and brilliant lil work.

i can’t leave you without also mentioning writing as a path to awakening by albert desilver, walking on water by madeleine l’engle, and vintage saints and sinners by karen marsh, as well as the irresistible revolution by shane claiborne. i never buy books, but i did buy these.

told you it was a pandora’s box!