#before trr

“Bert, you didn’t even look at what I was-“ Leo was cut off as he was pulled onto the dance floor by a woman he vaguely knew. She was from one of Cordonia’s minor noble houses. Her name was Sharon or Charlette or something like that. She was curvy in all the right places, drunk enough for inhibitions to be loosened, but not drunk enough to not be able to give consent. And she was all over him. She was exactly the distraction he needed to put Livvie out of his head once and for all.

Speaking of Livvie, where the hell was she, he wondered, glancing around. He hadn’t seen her in an hour or two. A quick look at the clock told him was nearly three in the morning. Maybe she had headed to bed already. Or maybe she’s making out with someone else, the little voice in the back of his head spoke up.

Like I care.

Shit, I care! Why do I care?

He tried to drag his attention back to whatever Sharon or Susan or Sara was saying to him. He nodded like he was paying attention then asked, “Do you know where Lady Olivia went?”

Cher or Shelia or Sally blinked and stopped her incessant yammering to stare at him, “Who? Why would I know? Or care…”

Well, he’d insulted her. Did he really care though? Turns out, no, he did not.

The sun rose as party goers stumbled off to sleep. Sometime that afternoon, people began to stir, and make their way down for the late lunch Bertrand always served to his guests the day after a blowout. The party could very well continue throughout the day and into the night. It wouldn’t be the first Beaumont Bash to last two or three days.

Liam stumbled into the casual dining room looking like shit warmed over. He had a blinding headache, what had he had to drink last night? The better question was, what hadn’t he had? He slumped into a chair next to Drake who regarded him with amusement. Liam extended his middle finger to his best friend, “What?”

“I’ve never seen you as fucked up as you were last night, that’s what.” Drake snickered.

“And that amuses you?”

“Yeah, it does!” He chortled.

“You need a fucking hobby.”

“How about corrupting members of the royal family? I think I’m really good at it!” Drake snickered again remembering Liam attempting to slide down the banister, falling off halfway and continuing to roll down the stairs. It had been the highlight of his night. Well, almost. He threw a wicked smirk across the table at the two girls he’d bedded the night before. One of them giggled and looked shyly away, her friend returned his smirk and blew him a kiss across the table.

“What, exactly, did I do last night?” Liam questioned, holding his head, “Can I get some Tylenol or something?”

“You don’t remember any of it?” Drake was positively vibrating with mirth.

“Why does this make you so happy?” Liam frowned at him.

“Because I finally got your uptight ass to loosen up a little!” He leaned in conspiratorially and asked, “So, did you finally get laid?”

Liam’s head swiveled around the room in a panic, “Drake!”

“Is that a yes?”

“That’s a none of your business!”

Drake shook his head in mock disappointment, “Such a prude.”

“What’s that?” Leo asked as he sailed into the room, Maxwell and Bertrand in tow.

“Did you see how fucked up Liam was last night?” Drake responded.

“What?” Leo inquired, then he arranged his face in a serious frown and did his best impression of Constantine as he intoned, “You engaged in conduced unbecoming of the crown and your position in the royal family, young man. Think of your image!”

Leo, Maxwell, Bertrand and Drake all dissolved into laughter.

“What’s so funny?”

The voice pulled Leo out of his fit of giggles immediately, he tried to seem casual as called out, “Liv! Here, I saved you a seat!” He pulled out a random chair for her and dropped into the one next to it.

As the other three men continued to torment Liam, Leo leaned in toward Liv and asked, “You disappeared last night, find you a hot guy?”

Olivia smirked at him, “Mind your own business, Leo. I’m sure you found a woman or two or three to serve the crown.” She made air quotes with her fingers around ‘serve the crown’.

“Ow!” Leo clutched at his heart, “You wound me! I’ll have you know that I respect all women.”

Olivia snorted, “Is that what they’re calling it these days?”

“Is that what they’re calling what?” He asked with feigned innocence.

Olivia laughed and smacked his arm, “You’re incorrigible, you know that right?”

She was glad he was back; she had missed him in the years that he was gone. She had been thirteen when he’d left and somehow always managed to miss his visits home. He had been her best friend for a couple of years there but then he was gone, and Liam was there.

Liam. She smiled fondly at the thought of him, and her eyes found his across the table, the memory of the night before warming her insides as she watched him banter with his friends. He looked up and met her eyes. She gave him a smile.

Liam glanced up to find Liv watching him, he returned her smile then turned back to respond to something Drake was saying when suddenly snippets of memories from the night before filtered through his hazy, hung-over brain. Olivia kissing him, Olivia naked, Olivia on top of him.

His eyes flicked back across the table in panic, taking in first Olivia giving him a knowing smile then Leo as he tried to get Liv’s attention focused back on him. He spun back toward Drake as the blood drained from his face.

The tech turned on the machine, she looked at the monitor. They all did with bated breath.

“Is he ok?”  Jason asked.

She moved the wand around.  

“There he is!” the tech said proudly.  Typing a few things on the screen.  But what happened next  wasn’t what they expected.  

They expected the whooshing sound of the baby’s heartbeat that always filled the room.   There was nothing but silence.  

“Is it on?” Jason was starting to get worried.  He looked at Ren.  Her eyes were tightly clenched shut.

The tech turned off the monitor,  “Maybe it’s best we just wait for Dr. Abernathy to get here.”

She touched Ren’s hand, “She’ll be here shortly.”

When she closed the door behind her, Ren finally let out the sob she was holding in.

“Hey, hey, hey, it’s going to be ok.  She was just a tech.  She had no clue what she was doing.  Dr. Abernathy will be here soon, and everything will be ok.”  

She never wished so hard that she could believe something Jason said as much as she could at this   moment.  But the truth was… it wasn’t ok.

Dr. Abernathy came in a few minutes later with Ren’s chart and a somber look on her face.

“Ren?”

She opened her eyes to look at Dr. Abernathy.

You understand what’s going on?”

Tears welled in her eyes as she nodded. “Yes I understand.”  

“I need to check you to confirm.”

“What’s happening?”  Jason whispered.  Deep down he knew, but he didn’t want to admit.  Admitting his worst fear in this situation would be making it real.  

Dr. Abernathy turned on the ultrasound machine.  She grabbed Jason’s hand.  

She gently placed the wand on her stomach and began to move it around.  Immediately she had an image of the baby.

Jason gave her hand a soft squeeze back in reassurance.  There’s our baby boy.  Jason thought.  It still wasn’t right.  The look that passed between Dr. Abernathy and Ren.

She turned off the ultrasound machine. Ren’s grip on Jason’s hand turned painfully tight.

“Jason, Ren, my tech was able to get an image of the baby, as have I, but i’m sorry to tell you this, neither of us can detect a fetal heartbeat.  The baby did not survive the fall.  I’m so sorry.”

Lauren let out a wailing scream, that the only thing Jason knew to do was to hold Lauren  while she sobbed hysterically in his arms.  Tears pooled in his eyes.  He had to be the strong one for her, though he felt like his heart had been broken in two.  He flinched every time Lauren screamed. He closed his eyes, and kept whispering to her.  “I’m here. We’ll be ok Lauren, I promise.  We’ll get through this.”  

A nurse came in with a syringe.  Lauren saw her coming and  knew sweet relief was coming from this nightmare for a few hours.  It was almost immediately after the injection Lauren fell into a calming sleep.  Her facial expressions that had been so tense the past few hours had finally relaxed.  

Jason exhaled a shaky breath.  

“Is there anything you need?” Dr. Abernathy asked him.

“I need…….. I need a minute to process what just happened….  How long will she sleep?”

“A few hours.”

He walked down the hallways feeling numb.  One minute they were celebrating, the next minute they had lost their son.  They were just too happy.  For people like Jason and Ren,  being too happy in life always seemed like it invited disaster.  

As he walked by the waiting room he noticed officers from his precinct.  He wondered what had happened.  Lawson, who had driven him to the hospital so many hours earlier, stood up.

“Seeing Jason’s confusion, he said, “We’re here for you brother.”  

The others stood as well.  

“How’s Ren?”  

“She’s sedated.”

“How’s your son……?”

“He didn’t…….he…. He…. “ Jason finally began to cry.  Lawson hugged him.

“I’m so very sorry.”

Looking around the room at all the officers that had come and gathered in solidarity for the two of them was the most somber, yet supportive thing Jason had experienced in his life.

“Thank you for supporting us.  I know Ren would appreciate it.”  

Jason was at Ren’s side when she finally woke up.  

His eyes were red, and slowly she remembered the events of the past few hours.  Lauren’s eyes teared up again.  “I’m right here,"  Jason’s voice was strong and secure, soothing Ren.

“I want to name him,” she whispered. “ I want to name him so he knows, he had a family here who loved him even though……….  he never got the chance to meet us.”

Over the next few minutes they decided on the name Jaiden Anthony Brooks.  

Dr. Abernathy came back into the room a little bit later and explained the next procedure that would take place, to end the pregnancy.  

“Is there anything else you need before we discharge you for the night?”

“Can we get a last picture of him…. Of Jaiden before tomorrow’s procedure, before he’s truly gone?”

“Of course,” Dr. Abernathy obliged turning on the ultrasound machine again.  Finally Jason broke down in front of Ren.  She had never heard him cry before. 

“Why did this have to happen to us, Dr. Abernathy?  We’re good people. We work hard.  We wanted this, we wanted Jaiden so  much.  We tried two years for him.  Just to lose him.  It’s not fair.  And the people who are terrible parents keep having truckloads of kids, and the people who would do right by their child… “

Ren hugged her husband as they cried for the loss of their son together.  

“Sometimes, some things are not for us on this side to understand,”  Dr. Abernathy said softly.  

“I’ll go get your car.  Do you remember where you parked?”

“The staff parking lot Jason.”  Lauren snapped at him.  

“I’ll find it.”

“I’ll show you where the staff parking lot is,” and besides I'll show you the shortcut, that only staff members can use.”

“Thanks Dr. Abernathy.”

“Don’t take her snapping at you to heart.  She doesn’t mean it.”  

“I know.”

“Well the good news is we’re here… I just don’t know what level she parked on.”

“No it’s good, I see her.  This one’s her’s, she’s just gonna lose her shit, that i have to adjust everything to drive it, which is why we don’t drive each other’s cars.”

“You sound exactly like my husband. he  knows.”  Dr. Abernathy chuckled.

“Thank you for being there for us today.”  

“You’re very welcome, and I’m so sorry this time didn’t work out for you two. Don’t give up okay?   You two would make very loving parents someday.”

“Thank you.”

He pulled out front waiting for Lauren.

“Are you hungry?  I could stop for takeout.  It’s too late to try to get dinner started.”

Silence from Ren.

“Maybe Chinese?  You think from the place you like?”

Ren still said nothing.  Staring blankly ahead at the road.  

“Ren did you hear me?”

“I heard you. Whatever. Get it, don’t get it I don’t care.”  She snapped at him.

“You need to eat Ren.  You have to be hungry by now.”

“Why does it matter so much?  It’s only me now.”  

“Because you matter to me.  I love and care about you, and because I can’t lose you too Ren.”

She whispered something.. That he couldn’t hear.

“What?”  

“You blame me.”

“WHAT?!?!?!?  REN?!!?!?! GOD!!! NOOOO!!!!”   Jason jerked the wheel slamming on the breaks pulling Ren’s small SUV over in the highway median.

  “This was an accident Ren.  A horrible terrible accident that I don't blame you for.”

“You have to blame me.”

“Why are you so sure of this?”

“I BLAME ME!!!  THIS IS ALL MY FAULT!!!  I KILLED OUR BABY.  I SHOULD HAVE JUST WAITED FOR THE ELEVATOR.”

He wasn’t getting through to her, at all.  If he said what he was thinking, it could blow up in his face, but he was out of options. So he decided to do it.

“You know what, you’re right Ren.”

“What?”  he could hear the confusion in her voice.

“Yeah, you go up and down stairs at our house every day, multiple times of the day, and i let you think that was okay.  I should have been carrying you up and down those stairs every time, to protect our baby.”

“But how would you know, something like that would happen?”

BINGO…

“That’s right Ren, how would you know something like that would happen?”

Ren was stunned into silence.

“I don’t want to hear you ever say that again Lauren, I mean it.  Any of that. This was not your fault. It was a horrible horrible accident Okay?”

Ren nodded.  “Decent use of reverse psychology by the way.”

Jason looked at her smiling, and she knew right in that second why she had fallen in love with him.  He was trying so hard to hold up a brave front for her, even though she could still see the sadness in his eyes too.

" I am pretty wisdomous.”

A small smile emerged on Ren’s lips.  Albeit small, but visible. Jason saw it as a tiny victory considering the day from hell they had. And tomorrow would be just as bad he was sure.

“Can we go get food now?

If he wanted food that’s what she was going to do.  He always fought for her, ever since the moment they met.