#beef kidney

The beef kidney stew came out better than I expected! It’s got the kidney, beans, onions, garlic, ginger, carrots, scallions, okra, collard greens, kale, cabbage, jerk seasoning, Worcestershire sauce,and mustard powder.

I like trying new things and I’m always up for learning something new. Yesterday I prepared beef kidney for a stew for dinner for two. We are interested in getting the wide variety of nutrients we miss from only eating the same cuts of meat. Additionally, it’s important to us to honor the being that is feeding us by utilizing the entire animal. Offal cuts are cheaper because there is less demand, and probably by purchasing these unwanted cuts, there is less consumption of cattle. Always choose grass-fed, especially with offal, and especially with kidneys and liver as these are the body’s cleansing and detoxifying organs. Remember that.

Kidney, as with liver, needs at least a couple of hours to soak in a bath of something that releases all the toxins that were still in the animal at the time of slaughter. I’ve been soaking liver in milk which makes it a lot more palatable. I found beef kidney cleaning instructions on livestrong.com that looked good. It calls for soaking the kidney meat in water with either a little white vinegar or lemon juice added for two hours. That sounded pretty safe to me, especially with the added acid.

I figured I should start the prep after lunch so that we could make a nice stew that will have, er, stewed for a long time and still eat dinner before it gets late. Trying to be conscientious of natural human biorhythms means being asleep by sundown and eating your last meal at least a couple of hours before then. I started prepping at around 1:30 pm.

We had purchased a frozen package of beef kidney. It had thawed in the fridge overnight. I cut open the package and drained the liquid, then slid the kidney onto my meat cutting board. It smelled bad. It smelled like someone had urinated nearby and the urine had gone stale. I read the instructions to cut the outer membrane away, but upon inspection of my beef kidney, I couldn’t find a membrane on the outside. I was feeling squeamish about handling the meat, so I just kept turning it and inspecting it to get a little more comfortable and familiar. The smell wasn’t super strong but it was off-putting. I’ve sat next to dirty homeless people on the bus and although not enjoyable to smell such a stench with each inhale, I feel like I can manage a bus ride. That person is the one who has to live with the smell. They can’t be happy about that either. I feel for these people.

Not being able to find a membrane, I moved on to slicing “the kidneys in half, lengthwise. Cut out and discard the round lump of white fat in the center of each kidney half.” I wasn’t sure if I was looking at more than one kidney. Is it common to refer to one kidney as “the kidneys”? I know humans have two kidneys but I’m not sure of the anatomy of a cow. My kidney was open and revealed the white fat inside, so I thought I didn’t need to cut it in half. I just started cutting the fat away from the kidney.

Never having done this before, I wasn’t sure how thorough to be. Maybe this fat was part of the membrane I hadn’t removed? So I was being very precise and delicate about removing just the fat and not disturbing the organ part. However, as I started gently removing the fat, I noticed how deep the fat reached into the kidney. It required me digging in with my knife and fingers to sever all the sinewy fat fingers that wrapped themselves deeply into the kidney organ pods. As I cut into the organ itself, that terrible urine stench would come up into my face. I wasn’t going to vomit, but I did exclaim, “Dear Lord! That is bad!” The work was slow going and extremely stinky. I became more and more frustrated as I hadn’t managed to remove any fat. I started to inspect the fat and it was this one big long bundle of sinew and ligament-like fat strings covered in fatty globs. There was no way to extract it from inside the kidney housing, so I finally cut the entire kidney in half, lengthwise. More urine stench arose.

I realized my facial muscles were getting tired from making the scowl of concentration that I couldn’t relax. It was the only way my face could bare the smell and keep working. I was now hacking away at this stupid piece of “fat” that was less fat and more embedded internal bits. And the more I hacked, the more I was decimating the meat which released more smell. The scene was gruesome. I had kidney all over my hands and knife. My face was a scowl. I was fatigued, I didn’t know how much longer I could stand and concentrate so deeply and be in the smell. I was getting lazy with the knife. I looked at the clock and it was 2:12 pm. I had been working on this for 45-minutes and I hadn’t even removed my first piece of fat! I screamed and cried and exclaimed about the smell and cursed the stupid piece of meat with all kinds of unladylike and un-Buddhist monk-like expletives. I’m not sure what the neighbors thought, but I didn’t care. I’m sure they could also see me through the kitchen window screaming and crying and wielding the knife.

I wanted to stop doing this task, at least take a break, but I also wanted it to be done so it could start soaking in its vinegar bath. I didn’t plan on it taking so long. Looking at the clock and looking at my diminutive progress raised my anxiety level like a mercury thermometer on a sweltering hot day. In fact, I was sweating. I had to just finish this task. I sloppily cut the smallest half of fat out of its kidney casing. I hurled it angrily into the sink. Fuck you, fat! I butchered the other, larger fat half by halving it again into a more accessible chunk. I had to sever more of the kidney meat, which meant more stench rising from the gore on my cutting board. I finished with the smaller chunk and hurled it into the sink, and finally removed the largest chunk of disgusting kidney fat and threw it with all my remaining might into the sink with a scream.

I rinsed the kidney meat in cold water because it was so messy. I then had to chop it up into 1 1/2-inch pieces. I did this as quickly as I possibly could, not only because my patience had long since departed for a nap, but because it smelled like a urinal. After washing my hands, again, I created the bath by filling a bowl with cold water and dumping a splash of white vinegar and some shakes of salt into the water. Then I placed all the meat in the bowl and put the bowl in the fridge for a couple of hours.

I returned to the sink for clean-up. I did not compost the fat. I thought it was too horrid for even compost. I just stuck it in the garbage along with the plastic packaging. I washed my knife and board, then I washed my hands, again. I went to lie down and either nap or read. My mind was so agitated, I needed something to calm down.

When my guy came home, I was still upset from the whole experience. I told him about the horrible smell and how it took an hour to prep the thing. It had soaked for two-hours by then, which was a relief. He offered to make the stew because I was obviously traumatized by the kidney cleaning experience. I tried to participate and help and actually make the stew, but I had such bad feelings towards the kidney meat and the memory of the smell was embedded in my nostrils that I just became angry and irritated at every attempt to make the stew. I couldn’t do it. I snapped at my partner on every little thing. The thought of actually eating this meat was revolting to me. I wound up going into the other room and shutting my eyes.

I fell in and out of sleep. I stayed out of the kitchen physically and mentally. I just stopped responding to what was happening around me. My sweet man came in to get me when the stew was finished. I must admit, the smells coming from the kitchen were delicious smelling and did not smell anything like what was happening in there a few hours before. But I couldn’t eat. In fact, I was so upset I just wanted to go to bed. I prepared for bed around 6:30 pm. I read and slept without eating dinner. I couldn’t stomach it. I slept soundly that night, and when I woke up at 5:00 am, I was still residually angry. It took my whole morning regimen up until showering to slowly let go of all that anger and anxiety and stress. I don’t know if that’s because of the shear enormity of agitation I felt doing this horrible and disgusting task, or if maybe it’s toxic to smell all that kidney odor for an extended period of time. Stresses can come from a variety of sources and I believe we can reduce our stress by staying clear of the stresses that we can choose to stay clear from.

This week’s meal plan is brought to you by Patrick Carruthers, a Charlottesville “born and grazed” chef. Currently working in the kitchen at Pasture, Patrick’s passion for food is apparent in the incredible flavor of his dishes.

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