#beeaxspace

Sometimes when I listen to a really good song I think about how this artist can feel more than me, more then I ever think it is possible for me to feel. And I envy them and at the same time am glad to not feel so much. Because I already feel bad enough with the feelings I have so do I really need more? But at the same time it is better feel like them than feel nothing at all, right? I think they are like Louis from interview with the vampire that is a vampire who feels too much and I am like Armand who observes not sure if he want to feel that way but finding interesting the person who does, like they were some kind of celestial being. The kind of grace I am incapable of reaching.

Sometimes I feel like Angel from I was born for this, like I won’t shut up about something I’m obsessed with and it feels like I’m a huge inconvenience for everyone.

I hate when people try to transfer their gilt to me. Like look at yourself first! If all of us forgot about something how is this only my responsibility? And you know what is even worse? I can’t shake the gilt I feel even if I rationally know that this is not only my fault. F**k my mind!

I was rewatching the first season of umbrella academy and I can’t help but feel sorry for klaus it always got me when I think about how he gets high all the time because he is afraid of his powers. It is so sad and none of his brothers understand that, well maybe ben. It is so unfair what he’s been through when he was a kid and as an adult. I don’t think people pay much attention to this fact because of how he behaves and it feels like I’m on my own here.

I think I understand now why I was so bothered by jimmy’s thoughts and atitudes in I was born for this. Well I guess I would act just the same if I was in his shoes and most of the time I felt like that was not the better way to deal with the situations but I don’t think I would think or act any different and that is just so f**** up.

Today has been a tough one. It seems as if there is a possibility of something go wrong it will happen with me of all people. I just wanted something to come easy to me as it happens to some people. I was so obsessed with Spider-Man a some time ago that I think all the parker luck came to me.

My top 5 Stranger Things Characters that nobody asked me to do but I did it anyway:

When you just can’t identify if you want to be by yourself because you are always surrounded by people with no alone time or if you are genuinely an antisocial person.