#bedlamsbox

"Your petty games will not work on me, mortals!" says Dracula with a theatrical whirl of his cape. "I am the prince of darkness, I am a creature of the damned, I am—"

"Ooh," says Sadie, "let's guess who he is!"

"You know who I am," says Dracula. "In your worst nightmares, I am there! I am—"

"Ah ah!" Frank chides him. "Let the lady guess."

Sadie screws up her face in concentration. "Are…you…a mummy?" She tries. "A poltergeist? A swamp creature?"

And the Doyles should be the world's easiest prey; they're unarmed and both visibly drunk, but they won't admit they know he's Dracula and it offends his sense of pride to the point where he keeps stopping with his fangs an inch from their necks, because most of the episode is just Sadie listing monsters, and like:

"Are you a merman!" says Sadie.

Dracula rolls his eyes. "Okay, seriously?" 

"Answer the question!" Frank yells, pointing dramatically.

"Are you a wolfman?" Sadie guesses. "A catman? A mouse…man?" 

"No!" says Dracula, beginning to sound a little petulant. "Come on!"

"Are you an annoyance?" Frank asks. "I'll give you a hint—"

"Fine, I'll give YOU a hint," says Dracula. "I have a giant black cape—"

Sadie considers this. "Are you a superhero?"

"And giant sharp fangs—"

"Ooh!" Frank calls from the direction of the nearest liquor cabinet. "Have you asked if he's a wolfman yet?"

"And I can change into a mist—"

"Are you…precipitation?" Frank frowns. "Doesn't sound all that frightening, I'll be honest. 'Ooh, here comes Count Dracula, let's put on a light jacket!'"

"And I can fly—"

"Wait!" Sadie shouts triumphantly. "ARE YOU A PEGASUS!"

Dracula buries his face in his hands.

Frank sidles up to him. "You know, old boy," Frank whispers. "The fact that you haven't answered her question is a little suspicious."

"I can't take it anymore!" Dracula snaps. "You're all mad!" And with a poof of red vapor, he floats out the window.

"Might've mentioned it was a blood mist he turned into," says Frank. "Would've narrowed things down."

"Seemed like a nice fellow," says Sadie.

"Whoever he was," Frank agrees.

"Not my favorite fellow, of course," Sadie adds with a smile.

"Oh?" says Frank, stepping closer. "What's your favorite fellow like?"

"Gin," says Sadie. "Anyway, my favorite fellow is the most dashing individual you can imagine. Devilishly good-looking, charming, clever, nice suits, talks to ghosts, wears an ascot, enjoys auctions, has fought demons, is currently refilling my drink like a dear—"

Frank looks up from pouring the bottle. "Well, sounds like you have excellent taste. Would this fellow of yours by any chance be the luckiest fellow in the world? Due to having the world's best wife?"

"I could give you one more hint," says Sadie, "but Frankly, I think you've figured it out already. WINK." She winks.

"Well," says Frank, "I've got a pretty good guess." 

They smooch. It's great.