#becomingamum

I recently posted my infertility story so far, and mentioned that my brother passed away in March.

We are obviously heartbroken, but I am just finding everyday very difficult. I have no motivation, no drive. I don’t want to do anything. I find getting up each day a struggle.

I know this is normal, and grief is such a horrible complex thing, but I really wanted to see if anyone has any experience of going through infertility problems or IVF whilst dealing with grief?

I would just love to hear your stories or to help share the burden.

I am so sad, and am constantly on the verge of tears. (even more than normal)

I can’t imagine how I will feel if we go through our Frozen Embryo Transfer in a few months and if it doesn’t work?

I know I need to keep positive, and I am generally positive it will work, it just has to, the alternative is just not worth thinking about. I just don’t know if I am strong enough to cope if it doesn’t.

Music is particularly hard. I always thought I was the musical one in the family, but turns out my brothers bad 80s music has formed so much of my own value of music in my life, and every song reminds me of him. Also finding my voice catching with every song, that I can no longer sing, and as a singer, that’s not ideal.

Needing a bit of a boost or inspiration and would love to hear from you.

Love Always

When I was little, all I ever imagined being was a mum. Maternal by nature, I felt at ease with children and babies and as the baby of the family, was desperate for my parents to have another baby for me to ‘Baby’.

They didn’t.

In 2011 I met DH, our meeting is one I can only describe as FATE, (more on this later) 2 months later we moved in together and in 2013 we were married.

I know lots of people say this but he’s my absolute ROCK, and my best friend and I know I wouldn’t last a day without him. 

We officially started ‘trying’ for a family pretty much as soon as we were married, and it’s our anniversary 3 years tomorrow!! However, I never really was on the pill so technically we have been trying for longer.

So 3 years into our fertility journey, and still no bubba.

My brother passed away in March this year, he was 46, and for anyone who has experienced this type of loss, it’s world shattering, so with infertility on top of a very difficult time, it’s been even more stressful and I’ve grieved not only for my brother but also for the child we so desperately want.

I’ve heard every cliche, I’ve tried every potion (reflexology, acupuncture, ayerverdic potions, bbt charting, you name it we’ve tried it) so in June this year we we’re at the door of IVF, like so many couples like us. (So many more than we think! 1 in 6!)

Our IVF went well so to speak, quite the textbook case, 18 Follicles, 13 Eggs, 10 fertilised and 7 made it to day 5/6. However my transfer was cancelled due to my progesterone being too high.

We are now waiting for our Frozen Embryo Transfer (waiting, more waiting, SERIOUSLY, the waiting is the worst!!!) However, we are feeling lucky to have gotten this far and have our 7 embies in the freezer.

I wanted to share my story, and start posting more regularly on this blog. If we are 1 of 1 in 6 couples, why is infertility still such a taboo subject? I really feel more emphasis needs to be given in the support of couples going through such a journey.  Even though it’s now talked about more and more, why there isn’t more support in the workplace for IVF? I would love to hear peoples own experiences and I will continue to update you on my own journey.

We are in this together, aiming for the same goals....