#beckytext

I wrote some!

Not a ton, and two writing sessions is too few to extrapolate that this draft will be slower and more difficult to write. But on the other hand, I was paced well below my 2100 words/hour average. Yay data?

But anyway, that doesn’t really matter, because the upshot is that I did write -- Friday evening and then this afternoon. One thing I’ve been thinking about is getting back into the habit of writing after work, and I tried that for a few my outlining sessions, too, and honestly? I was surprised by how much I enjoyed it.

I completely fell out of the habit in the last year and a half or so. For many varied reasons, and I’m not beating myself up over it. But I’d forgotten that it can actually feel pretty nice to take some time in the evening, sit down, and do some creative work. At least thus far, it’s actually felt pretty relaxing and chill, as opposed to stressful and tiring, which is what it was awhile back (and why I stopped doing it).

To help myself toward this goal, I’ve finally given in and switched to writing on my iPad. I bought the iPad over the summer to take on my vacation...which was then canceled last minute, sigh. It’s definitely not as comfortable as writing on my actual laptop, and though Scrivener for iOS works fine it’s a lot harder to flit between different text files and move things around. But it’s much easier to carry in my purse, which means one less thing that I need to remember to do if I’m going to sit down and write, and that even if I’m feeling crappy in the morning I can decide to write later if I perk up through the day. (I also use my iPad as an e-reader so I always have it in my purse anyway.)

Bound by Blood and Sand by Becky Allen

My summary because I didn’t like goodreads: Jae is a slave in a world where water irrigation is controlled by magic. She is enslaved on an estate with almost no water that the highest authority in the land is intent to abandoned, leaving the enslaved people behind. When Jae comes unto magic abilities she must work quickly to discover how and if she can use them to save her people. 

Rapid Fire Review:

This is the first high fantasy book I have started and finished since 2006

Seriously. 

If you don’t know me that well let that be enough to convince just the fact that I finished it is an A++ endorsement

I was kind of iffy on this because within a page I thought that this world has no bearing on the real world. The infrastructure is wildly different thanks to the magic that controls the world, but the caste systems and stratification felt very similar to the real world. 

The enslaved caste (The Closests) are under complete control of the Avowed because long ago the Closests allegedly betrayed the avowed so their descendants must pay for that sin. 

And the lower the caste and the further geographically removed from city centers, the less access a person has to resources (water) and the less interested those in power are in their survival

Not to smash my sociology background into this review but 

wow this premise applies to about 400,00,00000 real life situations, many of which are happening right now

I was so shocked by how into the world I got. Even though it wasn’t explicitly about Flint, MI or lead levels in elementary schools down the street, I was so aware of them with every page I read. 

If you are at all interested in Water Rights, pick this book up. At the very least it will be a good jumping off point for metaphors for people who don’t get that our society needs to give everyone access to clean water. 

Writing continues apace. 

Well, not quite apace -- since my pace (as outlined in my 2018 wrap post!) is pretty speedy and I’m still going a bit slower than that when I draft. But the point is that I am drafting, and that I’ve been making progress every week, so even if the going is a bit slow, it’s still going.

Last week’s goal was two writing sessions during which I made words. Which I did! 

The other thing I did this week was catch up with my awesome agent. She’s been on maternity leave since Thanksgiving, and the last time we talked was before I decided to shelve the thing I worked on throughout last year. She gave me some feedback on it and we talked a bit about my career and...

I cried.

So, okay, I felt pretty stupid and unprofessional about that (though my agent, of course, was lovely and understanding). And to be fair, I wasn’t actually crying about my career, or even really about the ways the manuscript wasn’t working. I was crying because my cat had just died, my father was dying, and I was depressed. I agreed with all of my agent’s notes and was interested in her feedback, but my life was basically a disaster at that point and I couldn’t handle, uh, anything.

That was actually around the time I finally used “depressed” as a word to describe myself. I said it to a couple of very good friends, who were both like, “No duh.” I mean, much much nicer than that, and more supportive, but heyyyy it turns out everyone who loved me already had figured that out. ANYWAY I also talked to my therapist about it. I worked to let things go, to not beat myself up about how the manuscript was broken and I wasn’t writing. Or reading. Or exercising. Or even watching TV. Or doing anything else, really, except going to work (where I was barely functional, and spent all day counting down the minutes until I could go home), and then going to bed.

My father died. I went on Prozac. I kept working with my therapist. Things remained really hard for awhile and slowly got better.

ANYWAY, the point was: last time I talked to my agent, I was in a really, really bad place, emotionally and creatively and, uh, in every other way possible. But this time I was able to email her and let her know that I’m doing a bit better now, that I decided to move on from that broken manuscript, and that I’ve begun work on a new fantasy project.

To my great relief (not surprise, because my agent is wonderful, just relief), she was very supportive and thinks the new project sounds fun! She also gave me a bit to think about, career wise, in terms of where she thinks I could develop and what we might want to consider as my potential market in the future. And after, I actually felt really excited about the whole thing -- what I’m writing and how much I’m enjoying it, and possible career paths we might try.

When I told my therapist I had started drafting a new novel, she said, “Wow!” and pointed out what a sign that was of me being in a much better place than even one month ago -- let alone two or three. And yeah, it really is. Being able to do something creative means I’m in a better place; actually doing something creative also puts me in a better place. I’m just happier when I’m writing. 

And right now I’m actually really enjoying what I’m writing. It doesn’t feel like pulling teeth, the way that shelved project did. I know that feeling won’t last, because I’m still very early on and every manuscript has difficult patches. I just want to note the occasion so that in two months when I’m mired in a rough section and it all feels like crap, at least I can reflect back on this -- a moment when I’m feeling excited and optimistic, and it’s the first time in a long time I’ve felt that way.

WELLP. My goal for the week was two writing sessions, in which I start making words. In other words: this week officially marked the beginning of writing an actual draft.

Aaaand I did it. Ahhhh~

For many, many years, I would have said drafting is my favorite part of the process. And I still think it’s fun. But the more books I write, the less satisfied I am with drafts. I know enough now about what makes a story good to know when what I’m writing is bad. And even though that’s the whole point -- I didn’t like Bird by Bird very much, but shitty first drafts are definitely a Thing -- it’s still hard to be satisfied.

And of course, part of why I loved drafting was because I just didn’t know how to revise. It was a skill that came to me much later than drafting. I wrote a whole bunch of stuff (some coherent, some not so much) beginning to end before I figured out how to pick my own writing apart (or enlist others to help) and identify and fix problems.

I don’t know that I’d now say I love revising, but in some ways it is easier. You aren’t creating from scratch, you’re working with something that exists. Even on a full rewrite, you have some idea what you’re doing. But in drafting, the world is just...wide open.

Which is where I am now.