Jul 29, 2020
hey if someone would push me up against an antique bookshelf and kiss me that’d be more than ok with me right now
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hey if someone would push me up against an antique bookshelf and kiss me that’d be more than ok with me right now
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He looked over at her and smiled. She nodded to him.
This was a gay bar, she thought, he’s not trying to hit on me, right?
Wrong. He got up from his place at the bar and walked over to her. “Mind if I sit, beautiful?”
She mustered all her strength and will to sound as femininely as possible. “Not at all, handsome.”
He was tan, tall, and tempting. She was white, tall, and trans.
He’s gotta know. He’s gotta know I’m trans. Or he thinks I’m a man, of course! That’s why he’s into me. He’s a gay man in a gay bar. Maybe he thinks I’m in drag?
Oh, Elizabeth, shut up! Don’t do this to yourself. Flirt and see where it goes.
All of that went through Elizabeth’s head as the man took his seat to her right. He looked at her and said “Thank you.”
He extended his hand. “I’m Sal. Short for Salvatore.
Elizabeth looked at his hand.
Oh shit, are my hands clammy? What if I shake too hard? Will he know then? If I shake too limply will he think I’m weak? Okay, okay. You got this, girl. Just quickly wipe your hand on your skirt like you’re smoothing it and then shake his hand!
“I’m Elizabeth. Nice to meet you Sal.”
They shook hands and before she could take hers back, Sal lifted it up to his mouth and planted a soft kiss.
“Pleasure to meet you, ma’am.” He lowered their hands. Elizabeth was blushing and trying (but failing) to hide a smile. A few moments passed with neither of them saying anything, still holding hands.
She finally noticed that their hands were still together so she quickly took hers back and placed it on her drink. She downed the remainder of the glass.
“Ma’am?” Should I be offended or flattered? You know what, fuck it, I’m flattered. He’s so good looking and respectable! Please lord let him not be gay!
Sal pointed to her glass and asked what she was drinking.
“A Dirty Shirley.” She giggled. “More Shirley than dirty, though.” She leaned over just a smidgen and whispered “I abhor the taste of alcohol.”
Sal chuckled, showing his tanned dimples. “Nothing wrong with that. It is an acquired taste after all. Some never seem to acquire it.” He shrugged and then raised his hand to get the bartender’s attention. She sauntered over. “What can I get you?”
“The Lady will have another Not-So-Dirty Shirley, and I’ll have a rum and coke, please.”
“Alright.” The bartender moved from bottle to bottle making their drinks.
“So...” Sal started.
But Elizabeth couldn’t hold it in anymore. It was killing her not knowing.
God, this is killing me not knowing!
Her anxiety got the better of her and she blurted “I’m trans.”
Sal stopped short. Elizabeth lifted her right hand and showed him the Trans Pride bracelet she always wore. “See. Trans. Woman. Trans woman. Well, technically transfeminine genderqueer, but let’s just go with trans woman.”
The drinks arrived just then so she grabbed hers and sucked hard on the straw as she tried to avoid eye contact with Sal.
Oh god, oh god. He’s going to get up and walk away! Or throw his drink at me or spit in my face or something!
But he did none of those things. Instead he smiled. He pulled his drink toward himself and pointed at her bracelet. “I noticed.”
“So, just to be clear, you don’t think I’m a gay man?” Elizabeth asked while fidgeting with her bracelet.
Oh, smooth dumbass! Just stop. Talking. Already.
Sal chuckled again. “No. I know you’re a woman. That’s why I came over here. Yes, I’m bi, but I’m attracted to this beautiful woman right now. I don’t see any men around (aside from myself of course).”
day 1: why do you study?
I study for a multitude of reasons. The primary and most practical answer is to graduate medical school. To become a doctor. To get a job, to feel a sense of purpose, to do good and save lives. That’s why I keep studying hormone cascades when I feel my brain melting, and why you can find me poring over pharmaceutical interactions late into the night.
I also study because that’s the way I was brought up. I’m so privileged to have been given a love of learning by my parents- I don’t just mean academic education, but a real enthusiasm to know how? Why? When and where? It’s not the traditional studyblr way, with notes and timed breaks and pretty books, but I love to read and watch anything informative. Documentaries, journals, non fiction, biographies, manuals, recipe books, YouTube tutorials - I just want to know more about everything. So yeah, to break it down- that’s why I study. I’m greedy for knowledge.
1/30 days of summer productivity - letter writing & exploring
I’ve finished my first year of medical school!! Exams have been postponed to September because campus is closed, but I didn’t want to go straight into revision after a year of hard work, so this is my little summer holiday.
lovers giving each other items of their jewellery/clothing is the purest thing... it’s like here’s something I always have close to me, maybe hanging round my neck by my heart, on my finger or around my shoulders when I feel most vulnerable. something people associate with me and I feel naked without. something which brings me joy, makes me feel confident, comforted. maybe even an intrinsic part of my identity which I want you to have and to keep close to you so that we can always be close. may it bring you the same security, the same light, the same joy. being given something with great sentimental value is just a way of saying look, you mean so much to me that I trust you to take care of this the way I have over the years.
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I need less study and more date in my study dates
I love second hand textbooks bc a) why pay amazon/blackwells £60 when you can pay another student £20? and b) other! people’s! annotations!
going over negative feedback
I was hesitant to post about this but I figured it’s something a lot of us don’t really talk about, especially in the more academic studyblr circles. Negative feedback. Criticism. Failure. I don’t know about you, but nothing makes me more anxious. I got a 2/5 (‘borderline’) on my last submission, and I have a meeting with the lead professor on Wednesday. I’m going over her comments now in order to be well prepared and argue my case. Because the reality of student life is that you won’t always get the highest grade, but I’m learning to be ok with that.