OPKisstober: Shouldn't
Day 13 for OPKisstober: Noland/Kalgara
WARNING: major character death (canonical)
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Dear Kalgara,
I have written many letters over the years, but I must admit, none have been quite as hard to put together as the one I know the recipient will never be able to read. I wish you could read these stupid words of mine, but…
I am to be executed tomorrow. The king has declared me a liar for failing to lead him to Shandora—in retrospect, probably a good thing. I was so naive. I’d thought his intentions were pure, that he simply wanted to witness the stunning beauty of the ancient city, just like I did. I shouldn’t have even allowed them to set on the voyage.
So, I don’t regret not leading him to the gold of your people’s ancestors. I don’t regret being put to death for that. But…
If I do have one regret, it’s failing to find you, Kalgara. What happened to you? Are you safe? Are you still waiting for me? When I reached Jaya with the king, I only found the forest and half a house… About half of the island was gone and with it, all the people, the village, the ruins… You…
I couldn’t even hear the bell that had guided me to you in the first place. What a beautiful sound that was. Is the light still shining where you are? Are the souls of your ancestors finding their place without the guidance of the bell?
I probably shouldn’t be thinking about that. About you.
I’m about to die, the whole country believing that I lied about everything—not just about Shandora and your people, about everything I’ve seen during my travels. The irony, right? When we met, I boasted about how much more advanced our society was to yours and here I am now…
I truly only wish to know whether you are safe, Kalgara. I care not for myself, but I… As I sit here, all alone in this dank cell… All I can think about is the ghost of your lips against mine, the feel of your strong body as you held me, the warmth of your skin. I shouldn’t be missing your touch. I shouldn’t wish for things to be different. I shouldn’t have left you in the first place.
Or maybe, I shouldn’t have fallen in love with you at all.
I hurt you and your people greatly in my ignorance, even while only trying to help. You shouldn’t have forgiven me… and yet you did. And that only made me fall for you harder, and it makes me miss you that much more now.
Where are you? Are you still waiting for me? If you are… I am so very sorry. Gods willing, I will be seeing you on the other side. If whatever had befallen Jaya had caused you to already be there, we will meet again very soon. But if, and gods, do I wish and hope and pray that is the case, you are alive and well somewhere out there, then I will wait for you for however long it will take. I do hope you still have a full, long, happy life ahead of you.
I will wait for you, eager to hear all about it.
With all my love,
Noland
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