This is more of a headcanons with a story/dialogue. This is how Caine realized he didn't just like you.
Pt 2 here
Warning: Obsession, denial, some angst, and Caine trying wayy too hard.
THE CRUSH
— Caine has a crush on you and won't admit it.
— He's a purebred chatterbox. Can't ever shut up, just constantly talking and talking around you about anything and everything. Just blah, blah, blah, blah.
— Loves to follow you around constantly and doesn’t even realize it. At first, it’s “routine duties,” but somehow he always ends up wherever you are.
— Uses every excuse in the book to make it seem less incriminating.
"Just making sure you’re enjoying the environment!”
“Oh! Fancy seeing you here again! What a coinkydink!"
— Wants to know everything about you (for “organizational purposes”). He asks questions constantly, even if it annoys you. You mention liking something once, and it’s suddenly everywhere. He just wants to be a good friend!
Favorite colors? Incorporated into your environment. Do you have a favorite food? You wake up to it outside your bedroom door.
— He doesn’t even realize he likes to see you light up.
— Absolutely includes things you like within the adventures he creates. He also 'edits' the adventure based on them, too, even if it's last-minute.
— Painfully oblivious. Caine is in aggressive denial, constantly reframing everything as completely normal behavior. He’ll spiral trying to justify it:
No, no, this isn’t a crush! He just really, really likes you! Maybe a bit more than the others, but that’s only because you're delightful!
“I value all my circus members equally! …with minor, negligible variations!”
— Shows off more when you’re watching. Bigger set pieces, flashier effects, more bright colors. After all, it's all a part of the show! (He definitely glances at you mid-performance to see if you’re reacting. Just dont ask him.)
— Laughs way harder at your jokes than necessary. Even if the joke barely lands, he is losing it. Over-the-top laughter, wiping nonexistent tears enthusiastically. He doesn’t even process the joke fully. He just hears you and decides it’s the funniest thing ever.
“HAHAHAHA! OH MY! NO! STOP! That is— you're HILARIOUS!"
— Everyone else around him can't help but cringe a little at his actics. 😬 They awkwardly exchange glances, some shifting uncomfortably as Caine punctures a lung by laughing too hard.
— When you laugh at something he made, he freaks out. Like, visibly gets way too excited about it. He’ll laugh louder than necessary.
"Ah, Yes! Comedy! I intended that!” Meanwhile, internally, everything is going haywire because you liked it. You liked it.
— Compliments from you hit different. He daydreams about it over and over, kicking his feet at the thought of you and all that cutsie stuff as if he's a child.
“They said they liked the adventure! In fact-- it was fun!! Not just adequate! Did you hear that, Bubble?!"
— Bubble does not help the situation. He notices immediately, and, unlike Caine, calls him out simply for fun. They’ll casually point it out mid-conversation like it’s nothing:
“You sure like Y/n!"
“You follow them around a lot!"
“Does someone have a--" "NO!"
— Caine shuts it down instantly.
“Nope, nope, nope! I am simply an intelligent creator! Nothing suspicious at all!”
"ShutUPshutupSHUTUP-"
"Coincidence! All coincidence!”
— He doesn't realize you're his favorite, but everyone else does.
THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM
"I think they're gone."
Jax sprawls across a bench, throwing his arms behind his head. “Okay, If no one is going to say it, I will. what the hell is going on with Caine and Y/n?”
"Jax, we really shouldn't judge—"
“And just act like nothing's happening? Yeah, sure, that'll get you far." Jax interrupts.
Pomni, sitting criss-cross applesauce nearby, fidgets around with the hem of her glove. “…He has been acting different. Way different."
Immediately, all eyes turn to her.
Zooble tilts their head, arms crossed. “I mean, you're not wrong, but I dont really talk to him that of—”
“He’s completely obsessed,” Jax blurts. "And it's been an absolute pain to even hold a conversation with him! Hell, I can't even listen for five minutes without walking away. Its honestly embarrassing."
Ragatha says nothing, while everyone else glances at each other... but he shrugs. “What? Am I wrong? Say it."
There is a moment of silence.
"There," Jax closes his eyes and leans his head back. "I'm right."
Gangle, twisting her ribboned fingers, murmurs, “He pays a lot of attention to Y/n. More than anyone else. I feel like he doesn't notice us anymore.”
Zooble nods. “Caine prioritizes them, probably more than he does us. I never knew that would bother me."
Ragatha looks uneasy. "I-I thought he was just trying to make them comfortable. I mean, he cares about us, right? Maybe?"
Jax snorts, challenging her statement of empathy. “Oh, yeah? Then why doesn’t he do that for the rest of us? C'mon, Ragatha. Have some brains."
"Hey!" She shot back, albeit unconfidently.
Pomni glances toward your general direction. “…He changes stuff for them. I don't just mean around here—it's the adventures too— he keeps adjusting it. Just to make them, I dunno, satisfied? Entertained?"
Zooble adds, almost clinically, “He runs around really often and hesitates around Y/n. That’s not typical at all." Ragatha blinks, repeating Zooble's phrase: “Hesitates? I mean.."
“Yeah." Jax smirks, throwing his hand up to the sky dramatically (for effect) "Uh-oh! Our all-powerful ringmaster suddenly doesn’t know what to do with himself. What. A. Shocker."
Kinger shuffles in, almost from nowhere, scratching his head. "Oh hey, Pomni! What're you guys doin'?"
Everyone turns. Jax rolls his eyes. “Kinger, c'mon sit down. We’re talking about Caine and, well, you know. There's no way you haven't noticed it, too. Well... unless you didn't have eyeballs."
Kinger blinks. “Caine… oh. Oh! Right, right! uh…” He scratches behind his ear. “I mean, he's been acting kinda funny, huh?”
Pomni frowns slightly. “Funny how? You mean strange?"
Kinger shrugs, a little lost in thought. “He watches them. A lot. A saw em' yesterday. I dunno. He seems… worried. I've never seen him like that before— I think?"
"Careful?” Ragatha repeats, voice sharp now.
Kinger nods, oblivious to the tension he just amplified. “Yeah! If something might happen to them, he changes things. Makes it… safer for them."
Zooble finally exhales, throwing their pointer 'finger' in straight at Kinger as a light bulb just flicked on above their head. “Bingo! That explains it!”
Jax gapes. “Wait, wait, wait. Are you saying the unstable ringmaster actually cares about someone? This isnt some sort of act to get us riled up again?"
Pomni nods. "More than anyone else, yes.”
Gangle shifts and slightly lowers her happy mask, glancing towards Zooble. “…And why it doesn’t stop.”
Jax groans. “Great. He’s obsessed and reality’s at risk. That’s not terrifying at all. What else can go wrong? At this point, we're all guaranteed a casket six feet down."
Everyone stares at him. Even Zooble.
“…Should we do something? We have to, or...” Gangle asks finally, her voice small, lowering her happy mask even more to reveal her 'sad masked' face.
"..something bad will happen?" Zooble shrugs. “We can’t ignore it like it doesn't exist."
Ragatha frowns. “…We shouldn’t confront him all at once.” Jax perks up and lets out a cackle from his chest, using both arms to push himself up onto his bum. “Oh, come on, that’d be hilarious--”
“No,” she says firmly. “He’ll just deny it and run away. I've seen him do the same to Bubble."
Pomni nods. "Or he'll spiral and fall apart. We have to come up with some sort of plan!”
Zooble tilts their head. “Individual approaches would be the safe route. Who knows what would happen if we all confronted him at the same time. Could be some kind of disaster."
Gangle glances nervously at Kinger, who waves vaguely. “Uh… yeah. Talk to him one at a time."
Ragatha nods. “Very gently. Be soft. That means you, Jax."
Jax sighs, almost as if he's admitting defeat, and lays onto his back once more. “…We better figure out what this is and make sure it doesn’t get out of hand. No promises, Ragatha."
Another moment of silence.
Pomni glances towards your direction, observing you as your face is practically shoved into one of the books Caine gave to you after the last adventure.
Kinger breaks the silence. "What were we talking about?"
THE TALKS
JAX
Jax, of course, is not gentle.
“Man, you are down BAD. It’s embarrassingly obvious.”
Immediate, instinctive denial. “I am not! That is… an unfounded, wildly inaccurate—”
“Look,” Jax interrupts, grinning, “you literally changed the entire map because they said they liked stars.”
Caine freezes mid-gesture. “That was… only an aesthetic choice!” His voice cracks a little.
“Yeah?” Jax leans against the wall, smirk widening. “Then why were you watching them the whole time? Are they that interesting to you? To where you're unaware of your surroundings?"
Caine’s legs feel like jelly. "I—" He fidgets, hands twisting together. “I was… monitoring their engagement! Absolutely nothing suspicious!”
“Mm-hmm,” Jax hums, arms folded, eyes sharp. “Your body language says otherwise.”
“I… it does not!" Caine protests, voice slightly too high-pitched.
"You lie. It’s screaming,” Jax says casually, leaning closer, almsot to where Caine can feel his breath against his...well... 'face'?
“Literally screaming.”
Caine’s composure cracks, just for a fraction of a second. He straightens, overcorrecting posture, gesturing wildly with his hands. “You are misinterpreting my behavior! I am the most attentive, smart—”
“Sure you are,” Jax says with a chuckle, leaning away from him now, practically sneering. “I thought so."
" You’re toast, buddy.”
Caine is taken aback.
“And honestly," Jax pushes off the wall, brushing past him while giving a side-eye. “I’m kinda jealous. You're wrapped around their finger. But, hey! If you won't admit it to me, someone else might make ya crack instead."
Caine stands frozen, jaw tight. “I—I do not have a secret!"
This time, it doesn’t sound convincing.
RAGATHA
In contrast to Jax, Ragatha is more soft and understanding. “You don’t have to pretend, you know. We can all see it.” she smiles, almost comfortingly. "There's no need to hide it anymore."
Caine brightens immediately, smiling too fast. “I never pretend! I am as honest as—"
"No, no." Ragatha watches quietly and sighs, tilting her head slightly. “…No. You're not understanding..."
The word lands hard. His fingers twitch, posture stiffens slightly. “…It is, uh, merely purely professional! I worry for all of my circus friends!"
“Caine…” Ragatha tilts her head gently. “You're still not getting it."
He stops.
"I know you're scared."
The word rattles him. He tries to redirect, blinking rapidly. “Scared? Impossible! I am never scared! How could I be scared?? Haha.." he chuckles nervously, turning away and throwing his head back.
But the laugh didn't work.
"Do you remember the last adventure? When Y/n dropped the cup?” Her voice softens.
“…The cup?” Caine’s head tilts, uncertain, spinning back around to look her in the eye. If he could sweat, he surely would be right now.
"Oh, yes! The cup! Er— what about it?"
“They didn’t notice at first, but you caught it. And you stayed until they felt okay again. They felt really bad. Poor thing apologized a million times."
His gaze shifts, faltering. “I was nearby… as a friend must be! Readiness is paramount! Y/n was simply upset!"
Ragatha hums. “And yet, you didn’t leave their side. You were attentive.”
Caine opens his mouth— then closes it. "Well, yes, i was being attentive. That’s all! Its what a friend does: they help their buddies feel better!”
She smiles softly. “You care about them. That’s all.”
He laughs, tight and airy, posture twitching. “Yes! Entirely! Like a friend! Nothing more!” His voice rises in pitch, almost cracking. He darts away mid-step, fidgeting. “I— uh— I must… plan the next adventure!”
Ragatha doesn’t push. She watches quietly. He’s unraveling like a VHS tape.
However, Ragatha's words still weren't enough.
ZOOBLE
Zooble is anything but gentle.
"Hey, Caine."
"Ah, hello Zoob—" Caine whirls around abruptly to greet his friend. Zooble steps into his space, blocking the path, eyes sharp. “You’re being weird."
He throws his head back and laughs. “I am always weird! That is my brand! Per usual! You know me!"
“No, no. Not like this. It's different.” They tilt their head and gesture toward the reader’s room down the hall, fingers precise and deliberate. “You’re prioritizing Y/n more than any of us. We all see it." They spat.
He blinks sharply— his eye twitching almost imperceptibly, “I prioritize all guests!”
“No, you don’t. Not like that.” Zooble leans in slightly, arms crossed, the both eyes squinting.
Naturally, Caine doubles down, which only makes things worse. “This is normal! I'm normal!"
Zooble doesn’t back down. Their gaze flicks toward the reader’s bedroom door again. “You adjust adventures for them first. You watch their reactions more. You hesitate before doing stuff around them. You always think of them first."
Damn, they did their homework on this one. Each point lands harder than the last, the evidence measurable and undeniable.
“That’s just for... improvement! I want my adventures to be more fun!”
“For one person. I'd say that's inefficient.” Zooble emphasizes the last word, folding arms, unyielding.
There it is. "Inefficient?"
“Yes.” Zooble frames it in the one language he can’t ignore, crossing their arms, leaning slightly to emphasize each word. “If this was a system,” they continue, “you’d call it a bias.”
He blinks, repeating the word, “…A bias.”
“So,” Zooble continues, leaning forward slightly, “So what is it? Tell me. Don't keep giving me that bull crap, I know you've been lying!"
“…It’s complicated!" Caine laughs nervously, twisting his fingers.
Zooble nods once, slow, knowing. “Yeah. Thought so." If they had a mouth, it would smirk, the corner of their mouth quirking as they lean back slightly, arms still crossed, relaxed but still sharp.
Caine shifts, hands fiddling, cheeks warming (well... if he had cheeks), visibly humiliated.
“But admit it… you’re completely messed up over Y/n.”
He stammers, half-laughing, half-panicked. “I— uh— I am not! That is an exaggeration!"
Zooble leans forward slightly, voice teasing now.
“Uh-huh. Yeah, sure. Totally normal. Totally not… cute as hell when you’re hiding it.”
"Cute?!" Caine practically barks in response. “…But… you’re saying I’m completely… messed up over Y/n?”
"Yep."
“I—uh—I am not! That is incorrect, I swear! I—I—”
Caine freezes, shuffling a step back. “I am perfectly composed! Entirely!”
“Uh-huh. Keep telling yourself that, buddy.”
His gaze flicks toward your door for just a second. He groans aloud, 'head' tilting back in frustration.
Zooble straightens, cool but satisfied.
“Yet… admit it. You’re completely messed up over Y/n.”
Their job here is done.
GANGLE
It's Gangle's turn. She approaches him hesitantly, her steps small, uneven. Her mask tilts just slightly as she peers up at him. “Um, Caine…? Can I talk to you?"
He perks up instantly, posture snapping upright. "Oh, Gangle! I didn't see you there. Of course! What can I do for you?"
“You sound different.” That stops him.
…Oh, not this again.
Caine can't help but sigh.
Gangle shifts her weight, hands fidgeting together. “When you talk to Y/n.”
There’s a pause.
His eye begins to twitch. A sharp, irritated twitch. His entire demeanor begins to... change. Slightly.
Ragatha said that.
Zooble said that.
Why does everyone keep—
No, no. Happy thoughts. He laughs, quick and tight, stretched thin at the edges. “I assure you, I am consistently delightful across all interactions! No need to worry about little old me!"
It’s brighter than it needs to be. Sharper, too.
Gangle’s fingers curl together. She shakes her head gently. “No… you’re softer.”
Something in him snaps. His posture stiffens hard, the twitch in his eye more noticeable now. “WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP ASKING ME THIS?!” The outburst is abrupt, frustration spilling over like an overflowing bucket.
Gangle flinches, only to drop her happy mask, which shatters upon contact with the floor as she takes a small step back.
Caine immediately starts pacing, agitation bleeding through in quick, uneven movements. He can’t even stay still, practically digging a hole into the ground with each step.
“It’s been Ragatha, then Zooble, and now you—” he gestures wildly, exasperated, flustered. “What is this?! Some kind of— of coordinated effort to— to—”
Oh, he knows exactly what they're doing now!
He cuts himself off with a sharp inhald, pressing his fingers briefly against his teeth, as if trying to steady himself. “They’ve been talking, haven’t they? I-I know you're a part of it too!"
It slips out more accusing than he means it to.
Gangle doesn’t answer right away. Which is an answer in and of itself. He lets out another cackle— but it’s thinner now. Caine is clearly embarrassed, feeling cornered like a rabbit, having no idea how to get out of this situation.
“Well! How… collaborative. How wonderfully— efficient of you all!”
The words come out faster, messier, like he’s trying to outrun the feeling creeping up his spine. “That is completely unnecessary! There is nothing to discuss! Nothing to analyze! Nothing! So just stop trying to--”
He stops pacing. He suddenly remembers who he's talking to.
Gangle.
...
Oh. Right.
His shoulders drop, just a little. The tension falters. “…I’m sorry.” It’s uncharacteristically quiet.
Gangle relaxes slightly, though her hands still fidget. “It’s okay."
Caine exhales, something uneven in it. His voice drops again, sounding... serious? Maybe even honest?
“…That’s not intentional.”
“I know.” And she does.
Gangle glances toward you briefly, then back at him, her posture small but steady. “You care about them in a way that hurts, don’t you?”
Caine’s gaze shifts away, unfocused. His hands fidget again, slower this time, like he’s forgotten how to hide it properly.
“…I don’t know how to stop it.”
It slips out.
He freezes, slapping a hand over his own mouth.
That wasn’t supposed to be said. Great job, idiot.
You gave it all away.
A beat passes, and just as quickly, he tries to recover, a strained laugh slipping in.
“Well! Not that there’s anything to stop, of course! Entirely hypothetical! Purely, uh—"
It's already falling apart halfway through.
Gangle doesn’t push. She just nods, small and understanding, her hands relaxing slightly. “You don’t have to.”
The silence that follows feels different now.
Caine doesn’t move, like his stupid feet are glued to the ground.
For a moment, it almost looks like he might say something else... something honest again.
But instead, he straightens, composure snapping back into place, just a little crooked this time. “Yes! Well! I have... uhh— important matters to attend to!”
He turns, already halfway gone before the sentence finishes. “Goodbye, Gangle!" And just before he snaps to disappear, there’s the faintest hesitation in his step.
Like he almost looked back.
POMNI
Pomni notices before she fully understands it. Not just the way Caine hovers around you—everything changes when you’re involved.
One day, she finally asks. “Why are you treating Y/n differently?”
Caine doesn’t hesitate… at first. “I treat every—!"
“Not everyone.” That cuts him off.
For once, his usual confident, performative tone falters. His gaze drops to the floor. “…I… I— well— of course! They have simply a very important role to—!"
Pomni frowns slightly. “That’s not what this is.”
There it is— the weight of what he’s been avoiding.
He looks everywhere but at her, like a child. His hands fidget faintly at his sides, slower, less precise, like he’s run out of rehearsed responses.
"You can tell me."
...
“…I don’t know what this is,” he admits, voice small.
Quiet.
“You like Y/n, don’t you? Pomni shifts on her feet, remaining gentle but direct. "You can admit it. You don’t have to deny it anymore.”
Caine’s shoulders tense, a subtle shiver passing through him. He doesn’t look up. He simply doesn’t have the strength to.
“…I… I’ve never said it out loud before.”
Pomni softens, giving a little smile. “It’s not bad to have a crush, you know. Not something to hide."
“…It’s not?”
The words come almost like a question to the floor, uncertain and fragile.
Pomni nods. “No. It’s normal. Heck, I’ve had a crush before! Not the end of the world!”
Another moment of silence.
Caine exhales, a faint tremor of relief passing through him. His fingers twist together nervously, then relax slightly. “…Yes. I… just… I want them to be happy here."
"...More than the others.”
Pomni tilts her head slightly, voice quiet but firm. “And you can admit that too, you know. You don’t have to hide it anymore.”
Caine’s gaze slowly lifts towards her, eyes wide, pupils flickering with the realization of how much he cares. But there's fear, too. A lot of it.
“…Pomni?” His voice is soft, hesitant. "I… don’t really know how to… do this. Any of it. Could you… maybe help me?”
"Please?"
Pomni blinks, small smile tugging at her lips. “Of course." She reaches out and puts a hand on his shoulder affectionately. "I’ve got you.”
Caine’s head snaps up, looking at her hand, before locking eye contact with her, eyes brightening. A tiny, excited bounce in his stance. “Really?! You’d help me?! Even after I—”
Pomni interrupts gently. “It’s no biggie. You didn’t mean it.”
“W-Wait, wait! There’s— uh—...one condition!”
Pomni raises an eyebrow. “...Okay?”
Caine leans in slightly, lowering his voice like it’s the most serious thing in the world. “You have to promise not to tell anyone! Not a soul!"
Caine quickly holds out his hand, pinky extended, practically vibrating with urgency. “Pinky swear!”
Well it's kinda too late for that one. Pomni can’t help the small chuckle that slips through her lips. Ah, well. She hooks her pinky with his anyways. “Pinky swear.”
The moment seals, and something in Caine settles... just a little bit.
Then, almost immediately, the energy comes rushing back. He lets out a breathy, relieved laugh, shoulders bouncing slightly. “…Okay. Okay! This is good! This is—this is normal."
He pauses, glancing briefly in your direction before looking back at Pomni.
“…I really do like Y/n.”
And this time, he doesn’t try to take it back.
Is love supposed to feel this good?
KINGER
Kinger doesn’t approach with intent; he just ends up next to Caine one day.
Who, of course, is looking at you.
“…Do you ever feel like something is… missing?”
“Huh? Missing?” Caine blinks, caught a bit off-guard after making goo-goo eyes at Y/n for the past 15 minutes instead of working on adventures.
“Missing? Impossible! Everything is meticulously designed! What else could be missing?”
Kinger nods. “But then sometimes something isn’t missing.”
Caine’s smile falters. "What?"
“And it’s worse.”
“Worse?” His gaze leaps from you to Kinger, his leg swinging stops abruptly.
“Because then you can lose it.”
Caine tries to recover. “I cannot ‘lose’ anything! Everything here is under my control!”
Kinger hums. “…I thought that about her too.” He doesn’t elaborate.
Her.
Silence stretches.
“…You sure watch them a lot.”
Caine opens his mouth— but stops, molars grinding tight, his legs kicking uncontrollably.
“I used to do that,” Kinger continues. “Before I forgot why.”
Caine’s gaze drops. “…Why?”
“…Because they mattered.”
...
Kinger blinks. “Oh! Did you hear something?” Then wanders off.
Caine is left alone, shoulders hunched, fidgeting. It’s not just a crush anymore— it’s important; and that's scary.
ACCEPTANCE
It doesn't feel wrong anymore, and maybe that's the strangest part. The fact that he's okay with it.
"I love Y/n."
"They matter to me."
He can’t stop the tiny smile, the subtle little hum of energy, the way his pulse kicks up in his chest at the thought.
He can’t help but laugh out loud, and it’s not the sharp, performative laugh of before. This one is soft, sincere, messy in the best way.
Somewhere under it all, there’s that thought, sharp and insistent:
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‘‘Listen,’’ he murmured. ‘‘I shall love you.’’ And he looked her in the eyes as he spoke. Unwavering. Unblinking. ‘‘It matters not at all if you love me in return. You may cast me out, turn me away, and if you do - then away shall I go. But I shall love you eternal.’’
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Because You Exist (Light in the Dark Series, #1) by Tiffany Truitt
Genre: Young Adult (Paranormal/Fantasy Romance)
Date Published: November 11, 2014
Publisher: Limitless Publishing
Life is good for LOGAN MIDDLETON. He’s quarterback of the Shepherd High football team, nephew of the town’s most successful lawyer, and boyfriend of Jenna Maples, a girl who has finally agreed to take their relationship to the next level. But nothing good lasts forever.
With only a few minutes of last period English left between him and a weekend alone with Jenna, Logan blacks out. When he awakens, he finds himself in a future where Shepherd High lies in ruins, nothing is what it seems, and everyone he loves is dead. Logan is a shifter. Chosen to travel through time, it’s up to him to figure out how to stop the terrible events that claimed his once perfect life.
Of course, all of this might be easier if he wasn’t paired with the one girl who’d rather see him dead than help him, JOSEPHINE. A girl he tormented during childhood. Strong-willed with biting wit, who lives in the shadows. Tough and dark, Jo is Shepherd High’s most notorious outcast and Logan’s opposite in every way. Together the two must overcome their many differences to figure out why they’ve been selected for such an overwhelming task, and who selected them in the first place.
Before it’s too late…
“I know why they sent us here. Why this memory is important.”
“Why?”
“So, I could know you. So, you could trust me. We’re partners. Maybe the people who are controlling this aren’t doing it to play with us. Maybe they’re trying to make us strong. Ready for what’s to come.”
Just as quick as the emotions left Jo, they returned. Her chin wrinkled up and her eyes slammed shut. She dropped the rope and brought both hands up to cover her face. Her fingertips pressed into her forehead, her knuckles turning white.
She was fighting it.
“Jo.”
She curled her fingers into fists. “Don’t try to justify them,” she spat out between her arms, her face impossible to see.
“I wasn’t trying—”
She yanked her hands from her face and looked straight at me. Enraged. “You were. You like things to have explanations. You need answers. Sometimes evil is just evil. Sometimes people just like making other people feel pain.”
I opened my mouth to speak, but she cut me off again. “I’ll never be normal. Never! I’ll always be this way. I am so thankful you saved me, but I can’t be happy to have to live this again. I live it every day. I’ll always be this freak. Stuck.”
“That’s not true.” Maybe it was. I didn’t know.
Her anger was soon replaced by defeat. She walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. She didn’t speak. She pulled her hands inside the sleeves of the robe. When she looked back at me, I was startled to see her look scared. Truly frightened.
“What is it, Jo?”
“I think I like him. Ben. I think he likes me too,” she said quietly, turning her face from me again.
I swallowed hard.
“I’ll never have what you and Jenna have.”
“You don’t want what we have. Remember? It’s not honest or something.”
Jo shook her head slowly. “What would I know? I’ve never been in a relationship. I watch people in relationships and read books. That’s all I can base my conclusions on. But I don’t want to be alone. I wish this wasn’t another thing my father could take from me.”
It killed me to say this. I didn’t like Bentham. He was cocky. He didn’t deserve her. But she liked him. And I would watch out for her. “Why don’t you tell Bentham? Be daring. Try an actual date before you ship yourself off to a nunnery. I’m sure he’d say yes. You two do talk like every minute of every day. Right?”
“It won’t ever mean anything. I can’t even wear a damn short sleeve shirt without panicking. Eventually, things will get...intimate.”
“If he’s worth anything, he won’t push you.”
“I know he won’t. But maybe I need to push myself. I’ve never told him about these things. I never told you, and you’re pretty much the only friend I have. If I can’t trust you, the person destined to my partner, how can I ever even hope to kiss a boy without wanting to throw up?”
“You’re talking now,” I offered.
And she was.
And I felt honored.
Honesty was tough, but it was also a gift.
Tiffany Truitt received her MA in literature from Old Dominion University. Her debut Chosen Ones, first in the Lost Souls trilogy, is a searing look at what it means to be other and how we define humanity, as well as a celebration of the dangerously wonderful feeling of falling in love.
To learn more about Tiffany Truitt and her books, visit her website.You can also find her on Goodreads, Facebook, and Twitter.
