‘    of course i like you,   jack !    ’

there’s an immediate horror,   right after the pin-drop silent,   that consumes him seconds after he finds himself blurting that out.    whatever courage davey think he’s carried,   that he thought he’d mastered,   it’s gone    -     wiped out so easily,   snatched into the same confession that he didn’t think he could ever admit.

his lips tremble,   and his eyes glisten.    damn.   dammit!    he ruined it now.

whatever sense of normalcy,   or ordinary,   that he thought he could achieve,   it’s snapped like scissors to a string            how would jack look at him from now on ?    betrayal,   disgust ?   a broken sort of laughter escapes passed his teeth.    so many negative emotions to choose from,    oh how will david jacobs ever decide !

his forehead crinkles from the onslaught of sadness and grief that’s suddenly flooded his whole body,   but pride,  maybe.   or that same stubbornness he’s learnt to harness from guarding his siblings,    but davey bites out,   cheeks red:    ‘    is that what ya’ wanna’ hear ?   the homosexual outsider nerd fancyin’ jack kelly,   lookin’ at him like he’s got hope ?    like he’s got any chance ?    yeah,   i get it jack,   i don’t.    i know that,   okay ?    i already knew—    i didn’t  …   ’     i didn’t even want more,   he’d wanted to say,   but his voice cracks.    i just wanted to be your friend.

—davey knows immediately,  though,  that if he’d said it,   it would’ve been a straight-out lie.

he wipes at something wet on his face.   shakes his head.    ‘    —whatever.   i’m gonna go.   ’    grab your coat now,   jacobs,   you won’t cry in front of him.    you won’t.