✧all that you ever wanted was.. sweet nothing. - Ben Shelton.
☆ a/n: this is not my first language but i am sad so i think i'll juts write small stories.. promise a happy one next!
☆ summary: being together for 4 years has been nothing but a dream, of course everyone envies dating the college top player and the us tennis star.. but do they really know how hard it is for you?
The hot florida air gets into your apartment window as the sun is going down for the 237th time this year. August gets closer to an end - but for your boyfriend this is the best part of the year: flying with you to new york, playing at the center court of his home tournament, this is all he ever wanted.
You were used to be seen, ben has always attracted eyes and everyone's attention for as long as you can remember but honestly, you never cared, all you knew as that inside your small place and in your intimacy he was just another normal guy.
The truth is, being with someone for four years is almost a lifetime. That was a certificate that the two of you would be married very soon - but that was never on board for both of you, at least now that you were never encountering for more than 2 weeks, the dream of being married faded from your memory alongside the great moments you collected on the first two years of being together.
''I'm not going to the open this year'' you announce to him.
''Why? What's wrong?" he says looking into his phone.
"I told you, I'm at my last semester and the final project is due next week. I can't be at two places at the same time.''
Ben sensed the weird tone on your voice, he looked at you imediatly, the room suddenly felt smaller, both of you knew what those words meant.
"I'm sorry, it slipped my mind.. You won't make to any of the games?"
"I don't think i'll ever make to another game, sorry." The words slipped from your month when you least expected it to do so.
It was done. You said it.
A year ago you would never say such a thing, two years ago it would be insane to think like that, the only thing the both of you talked about really was how after graduating he would get you the ring you dreamed for so long and then the wedding plans would go as he played.
The real deal was that 2023 went by and he did what he knew to do best: play well and win, and you watched. You loved the thrill, the joy in witnessing his moves, his joy to be doing what he dreamed and loved, that's how you wanted to stay forever. But them the travels intensified, the distance was bigger every week, the timezone pushed him more, you watched he fade away from your life. Of course you wanted to be there, but as a foreing student with a scolarship you could not afford drop out or just leave uni for weeks to follow him around, these were the types of things that drove him apart more and more.
"What is this about? You can't walk away." he approached you at the couch.
"When was the last time we sat on the couch and actually spent some time together? Or better, when was the last time I talked and you listened when it was not about you or your tennis? Do you even remember our plans ben?"
"Of course i remember, you said that once you graduated you would be at my games.."
"No. The deal was for us to get engaged. See? You can't even recall what you promised me two years ago." You say interrupting him.
"See! We have plans. You can't quit on us, on something we have been thinking and planning for so long.." Ben put his hand over yours "If it's a ring that you want, that's what i get you, just don't.. don't go. I'm so sorry I've been away, it's just that this year has been so much to me.."
You nod, taking a step back and scooping your hand off his.
"I don't want to be a consolation prize ben. You know better than anyone that I'm the most supportive person of your future, I don't mind you playing, you focusing.. what bothers me is that this is all you ever think about. I'm never on your mind, not even when I'm here or when I'm telling you things, you just tend to zone out whenever the words that i say are not related to tennis.''
Ben froze with your words. He could not believe that's how you saw him after so long of being together "Please, don't say that, you are all that matters to me.. I need you."
"I stopped being the thing that mattered the most a long time ago, now all that you want is another huge check on your account. I will not settle for this."
"Please Y/N don't say that, give me one chance to prove you"
"Ben, just leave" I get up pointing at the door. "No more scenes, just go."
He looked at you with a deep sense of sadness in his eyes, you never saw your boyfriend with such a sorrow in his face, not even when you saw him lose the most important matches, but now there was no stepping back.
"You can't do that, I love you." Ben said as he gets closer to you, just a few steps from the door.
"We stopped loving eachother several months ago." You swallow the words as they come out of your month, it had still a sense of weirdness in accepting your fate and seeing that your destiny was not him. Not anymore.
Ben nods as a tear fell from his eyes. "I'm sorry, I really am. Do you really want me to go?"
"I do. Please." You reply looking away from him, avoiding eye contact with every strenght you still had in your body.
"Will we meet again?" He asks with his hand on the door handle.
"I have no idea." You sigh "Goodbye Benjamin."
Ben opened the door and your eyes met for the last time. It was a long time coming. Time froze around you both and the last glance went on for five minutes, the last look on the eyes of the person you spent the past four years staring into every given second. This would never happen again, not in this lifetime, and all you felt was sorry.
"I will miss you" He did not say with his voice, but he mimic with his month as he closed the door before any answer.
maybe in another lifetime. maybe in another universe all our plans would've worked out.
