#beaverdale

In the last month, Beaverdale, Iowa, has seen more than a half-dozen cattle mutilations.

Pretty sure Supernatural is making fun of Riverdale next episode. (X)

Two things are always true on Riverdale: Everyone is hot, and everyone fucks. After three seasons of intrigue and scandal, we now know that Veronica keeps her pearls on and Jughead takes off his hat. We’ve seen Cheryl Blossom and Toni Topaz dipping their toes in the pool of starter BDSM, donning leather catsuits for a bit of burglary-as-foreplay, and testing the network standards department with their partially unclothed make-out seshes. And the abs, oh, the abs! It’s hardly breaking news that TV viewers like watching absurdly good-looking people go to town on each other, but few shows embrace that fundamental truth quite like this CW teen drama. “Have you read the new Riverdale comics?” O’Neil asks. “The comic takes these characters we’ve grown up with and essentially perverts them. The Cheryl-Jason incest is insane! Veronica’s a vamp. It’s so gratuitous. It is sort of like a porn parody, following the whole Rule 34 thing. We’re all older now, and we have the thought of Oh, that cartoon character I always liked — I can watch them have sex now? Interesting.” Riverdale posits a Hot Archie Who Fucks as a network-friendly, softer alternative to the softest of softcore. With Beaverdale, O’Neil winnows the notion down to its base, situating her scenes at a purer, denser level of libido. Her film isn’t just pornographic for depicting unsimulated penetration, though there’s certainly plenty of that. It’s pornographic in its self-honesty, its willingness to own sexiness as a raison d’être, its celebration of pleasure as an end unto itself. Riverdale has to busy itself with serial killers and death cults and corpse-strewn proms — and that was only last week! — between its passionate yet relatively tame sex scenes. Beaverdale doesn’t bother with the pretense. It knows what you want, and it wants to give it to you