One Last Time.

I smiled to myself as I saw the familiar silhouette of his shoulders and arms from across the street. I'd recognize them shoulders, anywhere, anytime. I knew it was him all along, the mind games, the way he texted, I don't know why he thought I was stupid enough not to know. I've breathed him in and out of my soul for four years, I would know.

His face, was unrecognisable. After more than a year, I didn't feel anything when I saw him. Heart wasn't racing, no tears, nothing. Just satisfaction that I was right. Awkward silences and then a "hey" from him. That voice. Anything could change but that voice, it stirred something in me. I was just taking him in. He suddenly looked his age, young. The hoody, the sweatpants, his clean shaven face. I couldn't find my person in him, anywhere. I couldn't find who I knew and loved four years ago. He broke my heart and yet here we are. Smoking, at the same spot we used to everyday.

He keeps a distance and I was just aching for something familiar. Anything. We stared at each other shamelessly, memorising every inch from top to toe. Small talk. I was watching his eyes, looking for the long lashes I loved. He was an undeniably handsome motherfucker. Once upon a time, I fell so hard for him, so damn hard. Now, stood in front of me was a stranger and all I longed for was his touch. To make this real, for everything to come flooding back. I never believed that I would ever see him again, in person.

It was far too late to question his mistakes. My heart was numb, with nothing left for him, or so I said to myself to justify my need to see him, for one last time. We walked to the bench, the same one that held countless memories of us having meals, watching movies, talking about life, with my head nestled in his chest. He sat across from me, I ignored the sinking of my heart, thought it was for the best. Kept asking him to say something, because my mind was blank. I asked questions, he answered them, and in my head, it was all but us holding each other, me feeling his warmth. Those days seemed way too far now. It felt like he was also far away, though he was in front of me.

"Can I get a hug?" I managed to muster after much thought. I was afraid of his answer, I just put up a really good front. I was touch starved, for him. He said "Okay, once we smoke, and then you go back home." I didn't wait, I went right up to him the moment we stood up. He returned the hug, and then I felt my heart racing. A tiny bit. I could hear his heart beat, it was racing and somewhat comforting. Again, I didn't know what I was trying to achieve. I wanted him.

We smoked, I was seated, he stood a couple of steps before me. "Stand up" he said and like a puppet I did. Looking back now, it was all a blur. He was then seated and I stood in between his legs. His hands were grabbing my legs, my ass and I wanted them everywhere. Our faces were so close, I had to kiss him. And kiss him I did, those soft, familiar lips. He stopped midway and said we had to leave. I wasn't going to let him leave. My body was craving for him and I wanted to know that he was aching for me too.

When I said I wanted more, he said it won't be nice. I asked why and he held me close and said "Cos I will treat u like a fking slut". "Do it." "Are you sure?" "Yes."

I was having flashbacks of us, me holding his face, mid-thrust, getting his attention, looking into his eyes and telling him "I love you."

Whatever happened after was a crazy blur. One moment he was eating out my ass, next moment I was sucking his dick. I wasn't allowed to make a sound, I tried so hard. He wasn't gentle at all, I loved it, or more like I used to. At this moment, I was just overwhelmed with all e familiarity, his eyes, his hands, his fingers oh my god his fingers, his tongue, his dick. The way I moaned when I felt his tongue on my clit, I was riding his face without a second thought. The way he pounded his dick into my pussy without warning, the way my pussy sucked in his dick, the way he grabbed my throat while fingering me. He wasn't my beautiful lover boy anymore and yet he was every single bit of the lover boy I remembered. I felt completely used and utterly satisfied. My legs gave way, I was shaking uncontrollably, completely dazed, trying to catch my breath, tear stricken face, I fell back into his arms.

My brain was filled with his voice on repeat, shaming me for being such a filthy slut, his hands gripping my waist so tight. The whole time, I couldn't see his face, his eyes. Looking back, I think that's what I missed most. Looking into his eyes, which burnt with desire for me. Eye contact was our thing, always.

My emotions were on a all time high because I knew this would be the last time. This was absolutely nothing like how it was between us, but I had craved for him so badly. I wanted to feel him, hold him and remember him in all the ways I possibly could. He always made me feel special, like I was a goddess, his sexy goddess.

Another flashback. Us naked, him making me look at us in the mirror. Forcing me to look at myself. "Open your eyes, look at how beautiful you are, fking gorgeous. Look."

I don't regret anything. I am selfish, I used you as much as you did me. You will forever be my bearded man bun guy with them cool aviators. My Beastie. Etched in my memories, deep. What a journey it was with you. And it still is. Nowadays, I remember things I had completely forgotten. There's no more pain, just bittersweet memories. I feel at peace knowing I did everything I could but this was never meant to be.

I would have done anything for you.

Alas, the truth is;

Well Past Midnight.

NO STORIES.

Just images in my head.

Your fingers thrusting into my pussy nonstop.

Your voice in the phone, making me fuck myself.

Your breath near my ear, hot and heavy.

You tongue sliding over my nipples over and over again.

Your dick making me moan like I've gone mad.

My ass fucking you, needy, greedy, just wanting more.

29.05.21 Part 2.

Aviators. A man-bun. A simple tee that showed off his beautiful shoulders and arms. Berms and sandals. That was the morning view I was walking towards. My morning view. My heart jumped. Damnnn those shades, that hair?! Yikes I had to maintain a poker face. It was the first time he was sending me to work. It was a sweet gesture, somewhat almost romantic, something I’d like not to admit. He really didn’t have to, but he did. Got on the bike and all I could think about was Saturday night.

We were at a friends house. I was staying over and he was just spending time with us. I changed into generously low tank top, it was too humid a night. I was wearing his favourite pants, felt like keeping it on, to see what happens. I sit at where I always do, on the floor, against the wall, across from him. He was on the sofa and I already knew my tank top was having a desirable effect on him. Haha I guess I planned that all along? Ooops, cheeeky me. Three of us were talking about a hundred different things, we ate, we smoked, the usual.

It felt like he was trying his best not to look at me, or in my direction. Momentary shyness? I don’t know, but it was cute. I wasn’t gonna let him get away with it of course. Said friend wasn’t feeling well and headed to the room. It was just us, him lying on the sofa and me against the wall opposite him. Both of us using our phones silently.

I was getting cold, and the distance between us was totally unnecessary. I slide across the floor, and had my back against the sofa. He moved close to my neck and it sent me shivers down my spine. I was showing stuff on my fone, commenting and scrolling. All the while feeling his presence so close. He was slowly touching my hair, moving it aside and exposing my neck. I probably had goosebumps, my heart was at my mouth. My mind was racing, is he going to kiss me thr? I might die. If I felt his hot wet tongue on my neck, I will definitely cave in! However, I didn’t even bat an eyelash. Continued scrolling like I wasn’t enjoying his warmth.

At a certain point, he was holding my left hand, just twirling my fingers, not saying a single word. He thn moved my hand to rest on his cheek. Awkward position cos e sofa was behind me, haha. Bt it was so warm, so inviting, feeling his face resting on my palm. Feeling his breath on my neck. N thn he massaged my neck and shoulders. Oh my god. My head literally flopped back, it was too good. Its like he knew me so well, he knew my body so well. I was having images of our previous encounters flashing at the back of my closed eyes. His smooth dark skin, his strong hands holding my legs on his shoulder, him pounding me mercilessly, staring right into my soul. Aaargh I just wanted more!

My back started to hurt, he asked me to sit on e sofa. I got up and he pulled me close. I snuggled into his chest while he held on to me. We put our phones away and just soaked in the moment. Our faces were so close, my heart was beating so hard, so fast. I inched closer, ever so slightly. Fuck this shit, I had to kiss him. And kiss we did. It was soft, it calmed all my crazy nerves, to feel his lips on mine. To slowly feel his tongue in my mouth, we took our time.

It felt like a decade ago, we were so hungry for each other. But tonight it was pleasantly different. We were tasting each other, taking our time to savour each other. I outlined his lips with my tongue n he let out a soft moan. I don’t rmbr doing that before, so I did it again and again. Hearing him softly moan was driving me mad. He gripped me tightly n sucked on my lips, on my tongue n went on a trail of kisses down my throat. I lifted my head and stifled a moan when I felt him lick and kiss my collarbones. I held his hair and he asked me to take off his rubberband and asked me to grab his hair. He pulled me over and made me sit on his lap, facing him. I moved my hips gently bt firmly, back n forth while holding on to him, I could tell he was going mad. He pulled down my tank and bra and grabbed my boobs. He licked n sucked on my nipples and it was all I could do not to moan out loud. He put his hands underneath my pants n stroked my thighs.

There was a point he said “stand infront of me” I love it when he instructs me. It feels so good to listen. To obey. “Move”, “Look down” “Open your eyes, look at me” It makes my insides melt, like I want to do everything he asks me to. He placed pillows on e floor, I was on my knees, licking his dick, sucking him slowly. Watching him lay his head back n trying to control himself. Gives me so much of pleasure to know that I can make him feel that way. I deepthroated him, feeling his thick dick push through to e roof of my mouth down my throat. Listening to him moan, feeling his hands holding my hair, just wanted him to fuck me alrdy. He held me up and thn he said “that’s it, i want to fuck you” i looked back at him and said “then fuck me”.

We scrambled to get into position. I rested my arms on the sofa armrest while he scooted behind me. I swear to god, whn I felt his dick enter my pussy, I had to bite down on my lips soo hard, cos it felt so fkin good. I needed this so so badly. Feeling his dick move in n out of me, with his hands on my hips, it was sending me up straight to heaven. I couldn’t help it, I needed to feel all of him inside me, I moved back abit and fucked him instead. It was phenomenal. It hit spots I’ve never felt before. I just wanted so much more, so much more. Feeling my ass hit against his thighs, feeling his fking fantastic dick slipping in and out of my pussy, my god. I don’t have words to describe the pleasure, the lust, the heat, the fact that we could get caught any moment, all our moans were almost inaudible, I had to lie my head on my arms cos it was just INCREDIBLE. I was gripping onto e the sofa armrest and I rotated my ass. I heard him go “OH.. fuck!” Aaargh tt made me go gaga. He than pulled my hair and body upwards towards him n had a hand ard my neck. I live for moments like that. Being pounded, being submissive to him, really all the pleasure was mine, and only mine. The only real noise was the sofa creaking and we were both probably making a silent prayer that our friend will nt wake up. Of course all gd things had to come to an end. Instinct, thankfully, told me to stop. We stopped and I slowly got off the sofa. His knees were dead and my pussy was wet. Literally 2 seconds later, our dear friend woke up from her slumber n went “babee???”

His face after that, was the cutest. Eyes open wide in surprise. We now had a secret, our kinky fuck, on a friend’s sofa, n we ALMOST got caught. Man it was such a fking good night. Its one for e memories, this one.

29.05.21

Before we talk about tonight, lets pan back to the other night. I was high on liquid fire, I had him in my head the whole time. I wanted to see him, I wanted him to see me high and happy. Most importantly, I wanted to find out what will happen if we were alone. Soon I was seated across him smoking, drinking and he was just really quiet for e most part. A bit of an introvert this, tall, dark, bearded, man-bun of a guy. He had a drink, and he was checking her out. It didn’t deter me, at all. He was’t her type to begin with. She’s a sexy woman, any man will want an eyeful of her, so of course he’s no different.

We were talking, all three of us, at some point. Casual nothings, things I don’t remember now, but I stole many a glance. I watched him nurse that one drink cos he was riding. I watched his expressions, his smile, and when I caught his eye, his eyes widened. We had this silent, mildly sexual tension between the both of us. It was exhilarating. It made me wonder abt what the night really had in-store for us. It made my insides shiver a-bit cos it was so wrong and yet will feel so right. I wanted to hold his face and kiss him, really slowly, I wanted to savour him.

His friend came along then. I couldn’t hide my surprise, what a looker! This caught my interest and I got a bit distracted. It was my opportunity to find out more abt him, through his friend. As the conversation got interesting, he took off his sweater. I died a lil bit inside. I really wanted to climb onto his lap and make sweet love to him. I wanted to hold him so badly. I wanted those familiar arms to embrace me tight. Instead I drank more, talked more and imagined a lot more. He glanced my way mid convo and I may have said a tad too loudly “But you like this”. His eyes widened, I love it when he does that. Surprised and obviously trying to maintain composure. He made me stay until 1am n we three left her place. Much to my disappointment, since his friend had appeared, I wasn’t gonna get any. Not even a fleeting kiss, but at least, I got the hug.

Flashbacks

You know what?

It’s the random flashbacks.

It’s the places we’ve been to.

It’s the cuddles and kisses.

It’s the “I’ll be there, can’t wait to see you!”

It’s the “I’m gonna run and hug u!”

It’s the “I love you. You love me?”

It’s the crazy sex.

It’s the flashes of our shadows dancing in the light.

It’s me grabbing the sheets, you above me, inside me.

It’s you covering my mouth as I scream out my orgasms.

It’s you laying on my chest, fast asleep.

It’s me looking at you, first thing I’m up.

It’s me, praying for this to be forever.

It’s me praying to lock in core memories, to remember always.

It’s the bike rides, with beautiful skies.

It’s the late night beach walks, under the moon.

These flashbacks feel like they happened last night.

Constantly popping in my twisted head, every other day.

Did all of these happen or were you a figment of my imagination?

How did we end up like this?

It’s the way I loved you way more thn you loved me.

Remember Me.

I hope when she’s down on all fours, with her ass up in the air and face on a lipstick stained pillow, you remember me. When you pound her mercilessly, her screaming reminds you of how I always ask u to go “harder!.”

I hope when you see her tear streaked face, you remember my eyes. I hope when she’s bouncing on your dick, you see my face in hers. When you’re on top of her, choking her, you remember how much I loved that. I hope when she moans you realise you will never hear me moan again.

You will fuck her in front of a mirror and it’s not who you want to see in the reflection. She will be overwhelmed with your sleek thrusts, your groping hands, your crazy strength, she will cry and beg you to stop.

You won’t.

Because your brain is filled with thoughts of me.

And she’s receiving the brunt of it.

Poor girl.

It’s too bad that you couldn’t care less.