#bear stan

it's not even an anomaly like the multi-bear (he asked) it's just. a bear that's stalking him and also apparently casually menacing town. it's yogi bearing it up with peoples picnic baskets and whenever someone stupid enough tries to shoo it away it just stands up like a person and stares at them. no one is bothering to call animal control because the locals are like "this isn't the weirdest thing i've seen this week" and it's not hurting anyone so, eh? ford's called them so many times his number is blacklisted. "it stole my sandwich" was the last straw, but ford would like it noted that it /opened his window/ while he was standing there and very delicately took it without breaking eye contact the entire time. the operator did feel bad because it sounded like the guy was about to cry.

disparate scenes: stanley, as a bear, driving his car with his arm leaning out the open window, ford scrunched up in the passanger seat utterly done with his life because he's being Kidnapped By A Bear. he doesn't even process what car he's in because he's Being Kidnapped By A Bear

later on, the bear, instead of very sensibly mauling something with it's claws, stands up and punches it. This is somehow even scarier.

ford not getting far enough to process how deeply weird this is because he's hypervigilant about potential Random Bear Events. stan is the one that's cursed but it's absolutely ford suffering for it.

stan meanwhile is having a pretty alright time of it all things considered. if something tries to mess with him he can just slap it silly if being A Bear isn't enough of a deterrent, and stealing picnic baskets is a perfectly normal thing to see a bear doing. one time he found a dollar and went in to buy something from the grocery store to see what would happen and the answer was jack all. he can appreciate the absurdity if nothing else. the main trick is less figuring out how to communicate with ford and more keeping him pinned down long enough that stan can scratch out a message in the dirt

actually this is less stan being put into a situation and more ford being afflicted with one with stan being the proxy. god the image of bear!stan driving down the road lounging in his seat with ford next to him looking like he's trying to decide between disassociating and having a heart attack is so funny to me. how the hell does that even happen. that got long but it saw me through my last hour of work, so.

cheers!

We have done bear Stan! Its lost in the archives somewhere but this was the general gist of it! Stan the bear and Ford meet by Stan going through his trash, Ford thinking it was gnomes, slamming the door open to scare them off, and getting met with A Bear. Then Stan invites himself in to sleep on Fords couch while animal control does nothing to help Ford. Ford does not want the bear in there but it can open doors and is also A Bear.

No koalas are not bears

This would be one of the better ones, as now he's large enough to mostly take care of himself as long as he stays away from human heavy areas. Travels around trying to figure out what he's doing and stealing from trash cans to get food, and stumbles on Fords house in the woods, which bins are gnome proofed (for now) but not bear proof. Shrugs and starts going to town, just for Ford to burst out of his house screaming, becuase he thought it was gnomes again and is now face to face with a bear.

What kind of bear? Well black bears are native to Oregon, and mostly person sized. A brown bear is huge, not native to the area, but might have been pulled by the weirdness magnetism if its an anomaly. I don't know, regardless, you don't really want to be staring down a bear in your front yard and yelling at it then freezing in confusion.

But this is Stan, and Fords his bro! So he just freezes, looks at Ford, looks at the trash he's eating out of. Ford already know's he's been eating it, so he just starts eating faster. Ford, outraged, tries to shoo Stan off. This just makes him go even faster. Like a stand off between man and bear, where the bear just really wants to eat these thrown out leftovers! He's hungry! Stop waving the crossbow around!

When he's done he backs up, much to Ford relief, then makes his way very slowly towards Fords front door. He's going to get Ford to help him, even if he he has to live through Ford knowing he was eating trash. Every baby step gets a yell and a step back from Ford, until Fords inside slamming the door in his face, which, rude? Good thing he has these strong bear arms and knows how doors work. Just opens the door, pushes past Ford (not sure if this would end in him getting shot?) and makes himself at home on the couch of Fords study and takes a nap. He's tired, he's been walking around eating trash forever.

So now there's just a bear in Fords house. He does not want a bear in his house, even if its friendly (?) but he can't get rid of it. Nothing he does scares it, its too heavy to move, and when shrinks it, puts it outside, then regrows it and runs, it just finds its way back to his house and he finds it eating out of his fridge. He doesnt want this bear! The bear (stan) is making itself way to much at home! And messing with his pens! (bear paws are very big, very hard to write with)