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Teagan: ...I was gonna say "CABIES"
and then I realized
that that sounds WAY too much like "SCABIES"
and that I would rather nto.
*not
Liz: SCABIES!
They don't make your uterus quiver?
http://www.stanford.edu/class/humbio103/ParaSites2004/Scabies/scabies.jpg
Lookadat lil guy
just wants to hug your bits!
Teagan: I'm NOT clicking on that.
Liz: CLICK IT
CLIIIIIIIICK IT
Teagan: Nope.
Liz: DON'TCHU NOPE ME
YOU CLICK ON THAT LINK
Teagan: NOPE.
NOT GONNA HAAAAAAAPPEN
Liz: TEAGAN I'LL CHANGE MY PROFILE PICTURE TO IT
SO YOU'LL HAVE TO
Teagan: TOO BAD I'LL HIDE YOOOOOOOOOU
Liz: NOPE
I'LL MAIL YOU COPIES
I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE
AND YOUR ZIP CODE
AND I HAVE STAMPS
WELL, ACCESS TO STAMPS
I HAD STAMPS
BUT I THINK I LOST THEM
OR THEY'RE ONLY POSTCARD STAMPS
I'M GONNA EMAIL YOU A PICTURE OF HUGGING SCABIES
Teagan: TOO BAD I'LL NEVER OPEN ANOTHER EMAIL FROM YOU AS LONG AS I LIIIIIIIIVE
Liz: MWA HA HA YOU'RE GOING TO MISS OUT ON SO MANY HOT DEEEEEEEEEEEEEALS
Teagan: HAHAHAHA WHAT ARE YOU, GROUPON?
Liz: ALSO YES I AM GROUPON
YOU FOUND ME OUT
AND NOW YOU'VE RUINED GROUPON FOR EVERYONE
Teagan: I KNEW IT
Liz: ARE YOU HAPPY?
I'M GOING TO HAVE TO GO BACK INTO HIDING FOR ANOTHER 100 YEARS
Teagan: YEP
YEP I AM
Liz: OH GOOD
YOU KNOW, YOU ARE JUST LIKE FREAKIN ALISTAIR WEMBLEY
HE FOUND ME OUT BACK IN 1897
WHEN I WAS GROUPDEALSWHOOYOUBET!
A LOCALLY DISTRIBUTED GAZETTE FOR HORSE FARMERS
AND I WARNED HIM
Teagan: WEMBLEY!!!!!!
Liz: THAT HIS DISCOVERY WOULD CURSE HIS GENERATION
BUT DID HE LISTEN!?
NO.
AND THEN I HAD TO WAIT UNTIL THE INVENTION OF THE INTERNET.
BUT HIS GENERATION WAS TOTALLY CURSED.
SO.
OPEN THE DAMN SCABIES PICTURE.
Liz: TEAGAN NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
THE CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURSE!
YOU'RE BASICALLY FLUSHING THIS WHOLE GENERATION DOWN THE TOILET, TEAGAN.
ALISTAIR WEMBLEY DIDN'T LOOK AT MY SCABY ETCHING EITHER
AND LOOK WHERE HE IS NOW
YOU CAN'T
HE'S DEAD
SURPRISE
Teagan: WELL Y'KNOW WHAT
WEMBLEY'S FAILINGS AREN'T MY FAULT
I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THEM
I LIVE MY OWN LIFE
AND I MAKE MY OWN CHOICES
AND THOSE CHOICES DO NOT INVOLVE SCABY PICTURES
Liz: THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING, TEAGAN
HISTORY REPEATING
DOOMED
YOU
NOT LEARNING
HISTORY BACK AGAIN
YOU BASICALLY COULD CALL YOURSELF LORD TEAGAN WEMBLEY, BEANSQUIRE.
Teagan: EXCUSE YOU
I AM A LADY
Liz: OH!?
COULDA FOOLED ME
A LADY WOULDA LOOKED AT THAT POOR LONE SCABY
Teagan: AND I DO NOT APPRECIATE THE MOCKING TONE IN "BEANSQUIRE"
NO
NO SHE WOULD NOT HAVE
I HAVE A STRONGER CONSTITUTION THAN MOST LADIES
BUT STILL
I WILL NOT REDUCE MYSELF TO THAT
Liz: HRMPF
YOU'LL FORGIVE ME IF I DON'T TRUST YOUR DEFINITION OF "LADY"
YOU BROUGHT THIS UPON YOURSEEEEEEEEEEEELF YOU WILL STAND UPON THE MOUNT AND CONFESS YOUR GUUUUUUILT!
Teagan: THIS MUCH MAY BE TRUE
AND THIS MUCH I SHALL PERFORM
BUT
YOU KNOW WHAT WILL NOT BE UPON THAT MOUNT?
SCABIES PICTURE.
YOU KNOW WHAT SHALL NOT BEAR WITNESS TO SAID GUILT?
SCABIES PICTURE.
YOU KNOW WHAT WILL FLY AWAY INTO THE DISTANCE UNTIL IT IS A MERE AMORPHOUS SPECK UPON THE HORIZON?
SAY IT WITH ME NOW
SCABIES PICTURE.
Liz: OH NO,
IT'S A MOUNT MADE OF SCABIES PICTURES
EVERY TIME YOU THINK "NO I WILL NOT LOOK AT THAT SCABY"
Teagan: OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE, ELIZABETH
Liz: ANOTHER PHOTOCOPY IS BORN
Teagan: I QUIT
HENCEFORTH I EXILE MYSELF
Liz: GOOD.
GET OUTTA HERE.
TAKE YOUR SCABIES MOUNT WITH YOU
