#beanluvs

★ — ( preferred , most used , both ) paul, greenbean, bean, lemonade, balvenie, yawnie, purrie, luvvie, poob, noob, funfetti, or confetti! ✦ any nicknames / kin names / yume names a-okay!

★ — he hym they xem prns mainly but neos and xenos WELCOMED ✦ prns cc ✦ no she/her or it/its, okay?

★ — strawpage link ✦ relationship chart link ✦ black + puerto rican ✦ osdd1b system ✦ semihuman gnarpy otherkin ✦ angelpuppy / tabby cat / cow therian ✦ vegan & lactose intolerant ✦ yumeshipper + fictionkin of many! ✦ agere + petre ✦ objectum & techum ; i yume a jukebox , a number , and a manilla folder! ✦ clingy overprotective overthinking bpd puppy = > _ < = ✦ simplyplural is PLNKMAN ^_^

★ — dni! — basic dni ( ship variants okay! ) ✦ syscourse ✦ if you believe in blackwashing ✦ pro contact for harmful paraphilas ✦ pro harassment ✦ pro censorship ✦ antishippers ( includes anti-lolisho unless I interact ) ✦ radqueer ( UNLESS I INTERACT FIRST ) ; radinclus okay! ✦ transmed + transcum ✦ terfs or whatever you call yourselves ✦ ex friends + exes of mine ✦ people who support my groomer ✦ harmful transID's ; transrace , transharmful , transharmed , transnazi , etc. ✦ fakeclaimers ✦ TCC , true crime community ; does not include non romanticizers or people who just like listening to true crime ✦ columbine and adam lanza fans DO NOT INTERACT!!!! I PLEAD!!!!

"Hotel corridor, blacked out rear window."

I feel like blacked out corridor reminds me of at the end of the movie when Pat goes into Paul's apartment to find out it's been cleared out because he's like in the tiny corridor (iirc) and he's utterly confused and displaced. Blacked out rear window DEFINITELY feels like when he was trying to get Christie to come back to his apartment a second time ok.. It's like how you can't see anything that really happens behind Patrick's closed doors and how you can't see what happens behind Patrick's own personality and self

"Crawling under my skin."

BIGGG BIG BIG METAPHOR to how Pat feels how his mask is breaking! Also a nudge to how his inside self is begging to just go apeshit (if that makes sense) because he feels such a pull towards murder that it's flowing into his days and, as the song goes, crawling under his skin constantly so he can't ignore it

"Flew here to escape, but I feel the same.

Jetlag making me thin."

Patrick feels like he's trying to run away from his problems in a way? He wants to avoid them but they keep coming back, even if he's doing his best to seem sane-ish. Running away isn't solving his problems, and heading face-on isn't doing much good either, so he's spread thin between his desires

"Sucks to be me,

Sucks to be so lonely."

Crippling lonely Patrick feels! His relationships and where he's 'going' in life are at a stalemate so he wishes he could take on another form. It's truly eating at him, his desire to be seen for who he is, a crazy fucking psychopath (which, if you don't know somehow, is a reference to how he says it in the BOOK and it goes completely unnoticed)

"Egyptian sheets,

Unraveling slowly."

Again his TRUE self is peaking out more and more so his personality and violent urges are unravelling from his 'original'(fake) personality and appearance. He's shedding his mask when he's alone and sometimes by accident truly on impulse such as the whole sequence that follows 'feed me a stray cat' alllll the way up to his confession on the phone

"Don't look at me.

Fragile, I bruise easily."

Now this lyric is not TOO relatable to Patrick BUT! He doesn't want people to notice how he's losing his mind or he truly does just want somebody to pay attention to him for once! He feels like he lashes out all for nothing, because nobody really cares/notices at the end of the day. Also, the bruising easily part could be him being a bittt sensitive to what people say (like for example the girl at the club/bar/whatever mishearing him and he gets disappointed when he realizes she doesn't ACTUALLY care about murders and executions (this is really shoddy I don't remember this scene at ALL but you know the one))

"You make me,

Akasaka sad.

'Cause I'm a sucker, sucker, so I suffer!

Akasaka Sawayama (Bateman),

Just like my mother."

Unlike the one below, I decide that the 'you' he's referencing in this is his mother &&. father/SEAN and I know I said that I was talking about the movie but we have to talk about this,, For mother and father I mean. Just look at the book. He's got some family issues clearly and the mention of them makes him feel sick/sad. For SEAN I'm specifically talking about how his little brother seems to be such a hedonist while Patrick is forced to confine to his own sociatal expectations with a little bit of murder on the side. Looking at him makes him feel upset and violent because what do you MEAN Sean gets to go do drugs and shit at college while Patrick gets to go do drugs and shit at work?! (Half of this is Patrick simply being petty and the other half is that this is a very surface level meaning of Sean which is what Patrick would see considering he's 'shallow' himself and self conceited.

"Akasaka sad.

'Cause I'm a sucker, sucker, so I suffer!

Akasaka Sawayama (Bateman),

Just like my father."

The 'you' he's referring to (why he's 'akasaka sad' I mean) is his coworkers who never notice him truly for what he is (which would give him personal gratification and satisfaction) OR Paul because he's pissed that he has everything Patrick wants and he seems so fucking normal to him ORRR Luis because his infatuation with him makes him feel so conflicted inside because he knows he's not as straight as he seems himself and seeing Luis being so open with it makes HIM feel disgusting (INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA!!!!). For the Luis one also, refer back to the book when Luis is freaking the fuck out and Patrick doesn't know how to deal with it yes you know the scene ok..

"Akasaka sad, I guess I'll be sad.

Akasaka sad, I guess I'll be sad.

Forever and ever and ever.

Wherever I go, forever.

Akasaka sad."

Patrick can't escape the loop!!! I mean he kills a guy and an investigation starts because of it, he kills more and more people basically every day, and confesses to his full crimes but still he never gets the relief of being caught or acknowledged! Forever and ever and ever wherever he goes he'll never be able to stop feeling hidden to himself and to others...

"国々に 歩き渡り 鳴り響き 悲劇のシンフォニー

喜びに 変わる悲しみ をさぐる毎日"

Okay I don't know Japanese YET but Google translate tells me this roughly translates to

'A symphony of tragedy resounds across the nations.

Every day I search for the sadness that turns into joy.'

WHICH I CAN BREAK DOWN! He relishes in the tragedy that happens across the world (shoddy evidence but look at his references to serial killers that his 'friends' don't seem to get) yet he still looks for something that will turn his sadness into joy, which is what hes trying to do by killing. He seems genuinely happy and pleasurefull when he kills people, yet it's always temporary and everything he does means nothing when he's constantly in a state of psychosis/doesn't know if what he's doing is real.

"Twenty-eight and I still want to scream."

OH MY GOD. He's twenty seven in the movie and his whole life he's been seemingly tormented. His mental state has been rapidly declining WORSE than it was and he still just wants to be set free from his own personal hell. I also really liked this verse because PATRICK IS LITERALLY THAT YOUNG AND IT JUST IS HIM!!!

"Can't face who I can and can't be."

He can't face his fake self which is what he wants to be truly and genuinely, yet he can't face his true self because he's trying to hold it together and is attempting to mold into his fake self. He thinks 'oh, if I just try a bit harder maybe one day it will become me' all the while his insides are oozing to the outside.

"5,938 miles between you,

You make me—"

AAAAA this is a reference to Paul Allen! Of course we all know that Patrick lied after he killed Paul and said he was in London (which is sadly about 3,450–3,470 miles BUT it is 5,550–5,585 kilometers which is so close!!!!) which is quite a few miles away between them! He also feels that the gap between himself and Paul is large and it infuriates him. HE wants to be Paul, HE wants to take on his form and personally and basically his whole life, so killing him was as close as Pat thought he would get. Additionally, with how ambiguous the ending is if Paul did or did not die, it makes Patrick feel more insane (assuming it wasn't real) AND he realizes that since Paul really DID go to London instead of dying like Pat thought Paul did, there is thousands of miles between them physically.

"Akasaka sad.

'Cause I'm a sucker, sucker, so I suffer!

Akasaka Sawayama. (Bateman)

Just like my mother."

For this one, I'd say this reminds me of Marcus Halbertstram and how he gets confused with Patrick! (or vice versa) Patrick feels like such an imposter because Marcus is soooo similar to him (which he admits) that Patrick just seems like his individualitu doesn't matter. Of course, Patrick admits that he just wants to fit in but yet again he wants to fit the mold that he's making for himself.

"Akasaka sad.

'Cause I'm a sucker, sucker, so I suffer!

Akasaka Sawayama. (Bateman)

Just like my father."

His sadness in this one is directed to his coworkers and Jean if you'd believe it! This one has a heavier focus on his coworkers than the other one, and mainly because I think he feels his coworkers are the closest things he has to friends. Now, he feels negative to them of course because there really isn't somebody he feels nothing negative towards (Jean is closest imo) but he wants his friends to see him for what he is so desperately. They also help him seem more normal by having people he's commonly seen around, which means they're useful to Patrick. Jean is a given because Patrick feels like she can see right through him, how she finds Patrick's 'drawings' (give up on drawing bro you're SHIT) slash scribbles at the end, and how she listens to Patrick have his whole breakdown and SHE happens to be the first person he calls (although this is him kinda trying to keep his reputation/calling off of work lmfao) so truly the thought of Jean makes him sad because she likes Patrick's fake personality and he wishes that she knew of his insides to see if she would still love him regardless. Also nicely demonstrated when Evelyn (his wife for show) called while Jean was over at Patrick's place and he was forced to choose between himself/his own reputation and somebody who would take a chance on him. He chose himself at the end of the day (My baby 😭😭Jean ohh 😭😭😭 Girl 😭😭😭😭😭 Queeen 😭😭 Find yourself somebody who loves you AND would stay with you my diva😭😭😭)

"Akasaka sad, I guess I'll be sad.

Akasaka sad, I guess I'll be sad.

Forever and ever and ever.

Wherever I go, forever.

Akasaka sa-ad, I guess I'll be sad.

Akasaka sad, I guess I'll be sad.

Forever and ever and ever.

Wherever I go, forever."

This is Patrick basically admitting his fate (hey like the end of the movie!) because he knows that all his efforts mean nothing. He's defeated and he realizes being in the cycle is inevitable for a man of his status. He's dug himself in too deep and he only has two options now: keep trying to fit into the mold he's making or try to snap out again and honestly? I think it's going to be somehow both or neither! His last monologue (NOT. I REPEAT NOT FROM THE BOOK. I could dissect that more than the movie though!) gives a bit of insight and I believe that Pat would be more likely to try and snap again because his punishment eludes him and he CRAVES it so bad he'd be willing to try again because he doesn't have much to lose