#bdbrw

{I may be the quiet shadow compared to my brother, Trez_BDBRW, but there is a lot more to me than many realize. I shook my head as I stared at my reflection in the mirror. It was time people opened their eyes when it comes to me. I reached for the straight edge razor cleaning up the edges of my beard with precise strokes. When I was happy with what I saw in the mirror I washed off the rest of the shaving cream. I was thankful for the doggon because now I didn't have to worry about cleaning up the little hairs from shaving. I was a neat freak and the mess that I always made when I shave was disgusting. I made my way back into my room chuckling to myself as I realize how much has changed for Trez_BDBRW and I since we moved into the mansion with the brothers and their shellans. Many of them don’t realize that I’m the more lethal one when it comes to Trez_BDBRW and I. I would never bring harm to anyone that lives in this mansion, but at the end for the day if someone brought harm to Trez_BDBRW I would stop at nothing to make sure that the threat was properly eliminated. I never like to think of someone trying to hurt my brother, but given the fact that we don’t live at the colony anymore I’ve been waiting for someone to come and destroy the peace that we have found here. I shook my head of all the negative thoughts because thinking about it makes me irritated. When I’m irritated I can’t cook properly and I get annoyed at myself. It’s a vicious cycle but I tend to go through quite a bit. As I’m digging through my dresser for something to wear for the day I turn the music on to drown out my thoughts. Trey Songz fills the space that qualifies as my bedroom. I don’t do much sleeping and when I do it’s only for a couple hours at a time. When I sleep I am haunted by the people I have left behind and let them down. I usually try not to let thoughts like that cloud my judgment and focus on what's expected of me here in Caldwell. I have a job doing what I love which is cooking for people. Believe it or not, cooking helps me focus and drown out whatever else is going on through my head at the moment. Settling on a black pair of jeans and a blue button-down shirt I set them both on the bed. Finally letting the towel drop to the floor at my feet I grab a pair of boxers and slide them on. I chuckled to myself because I knew that most people think that my brother is the only one with the charm. He’s not, I just hardly ever let mine show. I slid my jeans on with ease and clasped the belt as I hummed along with the song that was playing in the background. Am I saying that I have someone special? Maybe, maybe not. I just prefer to keep that part of my life to myself. Not because I'm secretive or anything like that, but because being the Prince of my kind means that technically I belong to someone else even though I have no desire to be with her and I will never want to be with her. I don’t usually dress like this either, but it’s not every day that someone from the colony wants to meet up. I haven’t told anyone because honestly if she is a threat to me believe me when I say I can handle myself. I walked over to the closet and slipped on my nice dress shoes before going back over to the dresser and tying a bandanna around my head. I had a collection of hats to choose from too, but I chose her favorite. My black fitted New York Yankees hat. The nice thing about being a shadow as I can sneak in and out of the house without being noticed, but this time I don’t really care if anyone notices me or not. I grabbed my leather jacket and put it on before heading down the stairs and through the doors that led to the outside. Unlike vampires, we can be out in the daylight it’s just very rare that I choose to do this. For her? I would do anything absolutely anything at all. The wind was whipping around and something told me that there was going to be some snowfall soon. I made my way to the garage slipping behind the wheel of my black Cadillac and pulled out of the garage with ease. It wouldn’t be long before I was at the coffee shop with her. Does she have a name? Of course she does, but I try not to think about that whenever I’m around other people simply because of the fact I like my privacy. I pulled into the parking lot of the coffee shop instantly recognizing her from a distance. She was just as beautiful as I’d remembered. Tamar. I love her name and I let it fall from my lips in a whisper. After I got out of the car locking it behind me and made my way over to Tamar. Instantly a smile appeared across her face. “I was starting to think that you weren’t coming. Before you worry, I wasn’t followed.” I leaned down and kissed her head before sitting across from her.} I would never not come. Looking this good takes some time. {Bell like laughter erupted from Tamar and something in my heart finally came to life again. “Some things never change, do they?” She seemed so at ease with being near me again. It was almost like this was a cosmic joke.} No, they don’t. How have you been, beauty? {Beauty, a simple nickname that I had given her many many years ago and still use when I have the honor and privilege to be in her presence. “I’m better now, I’ve missed you a lot. I understand why you left and I'm glad that you and your brother have found safety here. You’ve gotten more muscular I see.” I cleared my throat almost embarrassed at the observation.} Well, the vampires we live with aren’t exactly small. {Tiny fingers stroked my cheek stopping at the very edge of my beard. “I could get used to this. It looks good on you. Very good.” Something was different, something about Tamar had changed. I could feel it in the mood. It was almost like she was afraid to ask me something. I had no idea what was, but by the end of this visit she was going to have to talk to me because I hated seeing her like this.} What is it? You can ask me whatever you want, beauty. I will never hold anything back from you. I trust you so I’m going to need you to trust me in return. {Tamar smiled softly and I could tell what I had said was making her think about how she wanted to word whatever was she wanted to say. “I was just wondering how you were feeding here. I don’t want to sound jealous or anything, but I’m sure you have women falling at your feet and given the fact that vampires aren’t that different from us I’m sure one of them would be more than willing to satisfy your need for blood.” I took Tamar’s hand in mine and brought it to my lips pressing a soft kiss to it. I had to put her at ease, but I wasn’t sure how to do that just yet.} I’ve only feed when you come to visit. Other than that I need human food to survive that’s why I cook. I’m afraid that if I feed from one of these women that I will take too much and nearly kill her. It is not worth the risk it poses. {Tamar shook her head as she pushed a piece of hair behind her ear. This was a classic sign that she was uncomfortable with the topic of conversation. “How are you not afraid to kill me? You’ve been fading for me for years and you have yet to end my life. Why are you so afraid of hurting someone? Is it just because you don’t want to get attached to them? Feeding means getting attached in the most intimate way possible.” I saw tears welling up in her eyes and it was beginning to think I did something wrong.} Yes I know all about that that’s purposely why I haven’t. Besides, if I found another source for feeding me you would not come to visit me anymore and that is not worth the risk to me. {I was the quiet one of the shadows simply for the fact that I wanted to keep this part of my life to myself. She was way too important to me to risk everything by putting her in danger. It’s not that I didn’t trust the people I lived with. I trust them with my life, but I do not want to put the one woman who means more to me than anyone other than my brother in the line of fire because of my own selfish need. “iAm that’s beautiful, but it’s crazy. I will stay if that’s what you want, but I am not a mind reader, love.” As much as I wanted her to stay with me all of the time right now I just couldn’t. When I took care of the Queen and I was finally free of all my responsibilities then I would think about it. I reached out and wiped away her tears as they fell. “You aren’t going to ask me to stay, are you?” The question literally stabbed me in the heart multiple times.} As soon as my responsibilities are taken care of, I promise I will ask you to stay, but right now you’re taking a risk even being here with me. You are risking your life as it is. Staying with me permanently would really put you at risk. The thought of losing you is enough to debilitate me for very long time. {Tamar reached across the table and cupped my face with her hands. “Ask me to stay, just for tonight please, iAm. If you need me to talk to Trez I will.” My brother was not going to be the issue. Even the people in the mansion weren’t the problem. It was my own issue. It had nothing to do with anyone in particular I was just worried that letting her into my life the way she wanted was going to end with me losing her. At this point all I wanted to do was make her feel how special she was to me, but I didn’t have the space that was just mine.} You know I can do that right now and you know why. I promise I will make everything up to you as soon as I know that we are both safe. You can come to the restaurant now I have the keys. I want to spend time with you, but I don’t want to have to explain anything just yet either. I know I sound like a selfish jackass and I’m sorry for that. I just want to keep it to myself a little while longer. I don’t want anyone to scare you away or what I do for these people to scare you away. I’ve been away from you long enough. {Tamar giggled at me and pulled me closer despite the fact that the table was in between us. “I understand, I may not like it, but I do understand. I’ve missed your cooking. Any time I get alone with you is good for me, but eventually you’re going to have to come clean, iAm. I may be a shadow and you may be the prince of the shadows, but I will not hide in them for you forever.” Her words were crystal clear and I didn’t blame her for what she said. I leaned across the table and kissed her softly because she was right I was going to have to come clean eventually if I ever wanted her to stay with me at the mansion.} I know my beauty. I will talk to my brother tonight because every time I have to say goodbye to you it feels like someone is trying to kill me inside. Follow me to the restaurant and I’ll make you a proper breakfast. {In truth, I just wanted her alone in the only way to do that was to be at the restaurant. I took her hand and led her across the parking lot to my car and when I wasn’t paying attention I felt a prick of fangs in the back of my neck. She wants to play, a smirk played on my lips as I climbed behind the wheel of my car again. She wanted to play then play we will, but I had every intention of winning this game at least the first round.}

*I wasn’t particularly good at research, it had never been my strong suit. But that didn’t mean that I lacked in fortitude. Maybe it was just stubbornness. Each new thing that I found left me with five other questions. I would have never thought that our family history was so steeped in mystery and lies. Well… that wasn’t entirely true. The entire reason for me doing this in the first place was to have an accurate retelling of secrets that were once hidden. It was foolish of me to think that I knew them all. There were always deeper, darker truths. I sat before a box of files that was recovered after my mahmen’s death. She turned out to be a scrupulous recordkeeper. Legal documents, bills of sale, correspondence from friends, and in the middle of it all a picture that I’d drawn when I was no older than five. At first glance it seemed like a depiction of a happy family. Two children stood with a mother, happy and smiling. To the left was the looming shadow of the father. Crayon stick figures somehow still captured the anger of the male. Between him and us stood Rehvenge. Always. My dear brother. The things he had to endure. An envelope was wedged behind the picture, as if someone had jammed it in there a long time ago. The wrinkles had become creases that refused to be straightened. Nothing that my meticulous mahmen would have done. No, this was more like something that a large hand had done. An angry hand. I sucked in a breath knowing instinctively that it was my father. Shaking hands pulled the envelope free. On the outside, written in perfect script, was the word ‘Dowry’. I almost dropped the thing before I could get it open. Surely not. The male who terrorized my family for years did not make a dowry for me before he passed… Mahmen must not have even known about it. And neither did my brother. Did my father seek to redeem himself in the end? Mayhap it was nothing more than a note. My mind raced to many different conclusions before I could even bring myself to open the letter. Inside I discovered what appeared to be a very official document that detailed the stipulations for what I was to receive. The second page was a deed to a property. I dragged my laptop over and googled the address. What immediately popped up was an article dating back ten years. The mansion was reported to be haunted. An investigation was performed after local teens had gone missing after bragging to friends that they were going to spend the night in the haunted house. Nothing was uncovered as the place seemed to be abandoned. The owner on record was deceased but his lawyer assured the authorities that it was to be passed down to a family member. Why had I never been contacted?! I scribbled the address down on a stick-it note and stood up. Closing the laptop I shoved the note into my pocket.* Well I’m just going to have to go see, aren’t I?

 The night was amazing, we become closer as sisters and best friends. A life long bond never to broken.

I had have men, I have had women but none have drove me to distraction like the young man who I had met at sunshine over a week ago. I fell asleep he would be on my mind, I awake with a massive hard on and there he will be coaxing me into a relief that I did not think was possible. Was this what it was like when you met the one? The one who you were meant to be mated with? The planets align and then all there is he and you alone in the path. Maybe I had read the situation wrong the other night. He has just felt sorry for me, not that I needed protecting in anyway. But it made me feel wanted. Needed loved. This male was a distraction and probably at a time when I didn't have time for it. Not with news circulating that the boss may be back- another thing I was going to have to say to my sister soon, but not yet. She was having time with her hellren something she deserved. Something you deserve too Jackie. A voice rang in my head. The figure of the female whom I thought I would be mated with but that wasn't what anyone had planned and I later learned I would never have been happy. I would be hiding who I was, who I am. I was Gay. Something that I had never openly admitted to anyone but it was not a female’s body that got me hard. It was a males. The plane of the abs that ripple under the delicate of touches. The power as he submitted to your touch. The feel of a cock against mine I was getting hard thinking of it. But then I could see his face, I was sure the noises he would make, but that voice returned as I felt the doubt raise in my head. It was still not accepted fully for a male to be with a male, there were still people who believed that a male should be mated to a female to continue the race, and a man could not carry a young. Jackie, we never would have worked, and you need to stop blaming yourself for that and my death. You would have been a great gay best friend if I was still alive. That male is the one who is going to make you the man you need. Your sister will still love you. It is not like when I was with you when the glymera would punish any family that had someone who was gay. I know why you felt obligated to say you would be mated to me. For your sister, for her mating, that family would never have accepted her with a gay brother, but Alickson is not like that do not paint the son with the sins of the father. He is not his father in more ways than one. You need to become selfish now Jackie, you need to know that she is going to be okay. This is now about you. Be selfish for once and embrace that male, he is the one for you. Let those planets finally become aligned for him and you. You have been waiting for him. Text him he gave you his number that is the sign you needed. Text him ask to meet him. You need to take that leap. Do it Jack. I paced. I couldn't do this could I? Be the selfish man. I remember the time that someone decided to say to the boss that they thought I was cohorting with men. Being sat down in the massive leather chair and the stern look of the boss looming over the Post- trans me. I had been spotted by one of his lackeys that I was sure. I had kissed one of the males at the brothel, I could have blamed the post- transition hormones but that would not be the real reason. Women just did not get me hard. A male did. He glared at me as he began to speak I knew I was in trouble . “You cannot be seen with a man, do you understand. One day this will be all yours and I cannot have a poofter in the family business. You my boy are the one to create the legacy of this family, you cannot let me down” I had known from that moment I was always going to have to put myself last for the family, for my sister, for my life. I had no doubt that if the boss knew I was openly parading my sexuality he would have a bullet through my heart and have a human to leave me to the sun. That I was sure. Maybe that is why it had always been conducted into the shadows but surely now it was time to step into the light. No more hiding who I was, I would never be happy if I kept thinking about everyone else and not myself. Surely it was time for me now. I didn't have to worry about my sister. She was happy. She did not need me to be unhappy. She needed happiness around her. Not for the boss I was able to be the type of male I wanted and I had my eyes on a male and for the first time in my life I was going to take him. Pulling my phone out of my pocket I texted the male. ‘Fancy getting a drink tonight?’ Pushing send before I could overthink it. He could only say no right?

I had have men, I have had women but none have drove me to distraction like the young man who I had met at sunshine over a week ago. I fell asleep he would be on my mind, I awake with a massive hard on and there he will be coaxing me into a relief that I did not think was possible. Was this what it was like when you met the one? The one who you were meant to be mated with? The planets align and then all there is he and you alone in the path. Maybe I had read the situation wrong the other night. He has just felt sorry for me, not that I needed protecting in anyway. But it made me feel wanted. Needed loved. This male was a distraction and probably at a time when I didn't have time for it. Not with news circulating that the boss may be back- another thing I was going to have to say to my sister soon, but not yet. She was having time with her hellren something she deserved. Something you deserve too Jackie. A voice rang in my head. The figure of the female whom I thought I would be mated with but that wasn't what anyone had planned and I later learned I would never have been happy. I would be hiding who I was, who I am. I was Gay. Something that I had never openly admitted to anyone but it was not a female’s body that got me hard. It was a males. The plane of the abs that ripple under the delicate of touches. The power as he submitted to your touch. The feel of a cock against mine I was getting hard thinking of it. But then I could see his face, I was sure the noises he would make, but that voice returned as I felt the doubt raise in my head. It was still not accepted fully for a male to be with a male, there were still people who believed that a male should be mated to a female to continue the race, and a man could not carry a young. Jackie, we never would have worked, and you need to stop blaming yourself for that and my death. You would have been a great gay best friend if I was still alive. That male is the one who is going to make you the man you need. Your sister will still love you. It is not like when I was with you when the glymera would punish any family that had someone who was gay. I know why you felt obligated to say you would be mated to me. For your sister, for her mating, that family would never have accepted her with a gay brother, but Alickson is not like that do not paint the son with the sins of the father. He is not his father in more ways than one. You need to become selfish now Jackie, you need to know that she is going to be okay. This is now about you. Be selfish for once and embrace that male, he is the one for you. Let those planets finally become aligned for him and you. You have been waiting for him. Text him he gave you his number that is the sign you needed. Text him ask to meet him. You need to take that leap. Do it Jack. I paced. I couldn't do this could I? Be the selfish man. I remember the time that someone decided to say to the boss that they thought I was cohorting with men. Being sat down in the massive leather chair and the stern look of the boss looming over the Post- trans me. I had been spotted by one of his lackeys that I was sure. I had kissed one of the males at the brothel, I could have blamed the post- transition hormones but that would not be the real reason. Women just did not get me hard. A male did. He glared at me as he began to speak I knew I was in trouble . “You cannot be seen with a man, do you understand. One day this will be all yours and I cannot have a poofter in the family business. You my boy are the one to create the legacy of this family, you cannot let me down” I had known from that moment I was always going to have to put myself last for the family, for my sister, for my life. I had no doubt that if the boss knew I was openly parading my sexuality he would have a bullet through my heart and have a human to leave me to the sun. That I was sure. Maybe that is why it had always been conducted into the shadows but surely now it was time to step into the light. No more hiding who I was, I would never be happy if I kept thinking about everyone else and not myself. Surely it was time for me now. I didn't have to worry about my sister. She was happy. She did not need me to be unhappy. She needed happiness around her. Not for the boss I was able to be the type of male I wanted and I had my eyes on a male and for the first time in my life I was going to take him. Pulling my phone out of my pocket I texted the male. ‘Fancy getting a drink tonight?’ Pushing send before I could overthink it. He could only say no right?

I had have men, I have had women but none have drove me to distraction like the young man who I had met at sunshine over a week ago. I fell asleep he would be on my mind, I awake with a massive hard on and there he will be coaxing me into a relief that I did not think was possible. Was this what it was like when you met the one? The one who you were meant to be mated with? The planets align and then all there is he and you alone in the path. Maybe I had read the situation wrong the other night. He has just felt sorry for me, not that I needed protecting in anyway. But it made me feel wanted. Needed loved. This male was a distraction and probably at a time when I didn't have time for it. Not with news circulating that the boss may be back- another thing I was going to have to say to my sister soon, but not yet. She was having time with her hellren something she deserved. Something you deserve too Jackie. A voice rang in my head. The figure of the female whom I thought I would be mated with but that wasn't what anyone had planned and I later learned I would never have been happy. I would be hiding who I was, who I am. I was Gay. Something that I had never openly admitted to anyone but it was not a female’s body that got me hard. It was a males. The plane of the abs that ripple under the delicate of touches. The power as he submitted to your touch. The feel of a cock against mine I was getting hard thinking of it. But then I could see his face, I was sure the noises he would make, but that voice returned as I felt the doubt raise in my head. It was still not accepted fully for a male to be with a male, there were still people who believed that a male should be mated to a female to continue the race, and a man could not carry a young. Jackie, we never would have worked, and you need to stop blaming yourself for that and my death. You would have been a great gay best friend if I was still alive. That male is the one who is going to make you the man you need. Your sister will still love you. It is not like when I was with you when the glymera would punish any family that had someone who was gay. I know why you felt obligated to say you would be mated to me. For your sister, for her mating, that family would never have accepted her with a gay brother, but Alickson is not like that do not paint the son with the sins of the father. He is not his father in more ways than one. You need to become selfish now Jackie, you need to know that she is going to be okay. This is now about you. Be selfish for once and embrace that male, he is the one for you. Let those planets finally become aligned for him and you. You have been waiting for him. Text him he gave you his number that is the sign you needed. Text him ask to meet him. You need to take that leap. Do it Jack. I paced. I couldn't do this could I? Be the selfish man. I remember the time that someone decided to say to the boss that they thought I was cohorting with men. Being sat down in the massive leather chair and the stern look of the boss looming over the Post- trans me. I had been spotted by one of his lackeys that I was sure. I had kissed one of the males at the brothel, I could have blamed the post- transition hormones but that would not be the real reason. Women just did not get me hard. A male did. He glared at me as he began to speak I knew I was in trouble . “You cannot be seen with a man, do you understand. One day this will be all yours and I cannot have a poofter in the family business. You my boy are the one to create the legacy of this family, you cannot let me down” I had known from that moment I was always going to have to put myself last for the family, for my sister, for my life. I had no doubt that if the boss knew I was openly parading my sexuality he would have a bullet through my heart and have a human to leave me to the sun. That I was sure. Maybe that is why it had always been conducted into the shadows but surely now it was time to step into the light. No more hiding who I was, I would never be happy if I kept thinking about everyone else and not myself. Surely it was time for me now. I didn't have to worry about my sister. She was happy. She did not need me to be unhappy. She needed happiness around her. Not for the boss I was able to be the type of male I wanted and I had my eyes on a male and for the first time in my life I was going to take him. Pulling my phone out of my pocket I texted the male. ‘Fancy getting a drink tonight?’ Pushing send before I could overthink it. He could only say no right?

I finally hung up the phone and started a new folder for the female with what details I obtain while #Catya emailed her hospital records to me. I emailed @Marissa_BDBRW and @Mary_BDBRW the information and give them a heads up that we had a new incoming female and got myself ready to meet the King.*

[After leaving Christal behind last night I couldn’t sleep. It’s not easy denying it when it’s staring you right in the face. She was my female and all I’ve ever tried to do is protect her from the evils of the world even though she is just a few months older than me. I paced the floor of my chambers for the better part of nine hours. Bringing her down here would be a mistake I already knew that, but living in the streets of Caldwell would be a bigger mistake for me. I knew what I should do, but I can’t risk Christal being hurt by someone on either side of this fight. Without even thinking about it I materialized on the same rooftop I was on last night. I knew she wasn’t far from here, but I needed to keep my distance. I heard a scream for help and at first I thought it was a human so I was going to ignore it. Then whatever vampire urges were left in me kicked in the overdrive. “Lash, help me, I know you can hear me. Do not leave me out here to die because you are ashamed of me.” I wasn’t ashamed of her and there was no way I was going to let her die. I followed the sound of Christal’s voice and found one of the lessers I have created hovering over Chris. I slowly made my approach staying in the shadows of the building until this idiot was close enough. I palmed the metal blade I carried in my hand trying to keep myself together long enough to make this kill.] Hey idiot, I don’t think so. [He lifted his hand and then tilted his head to the side. He was confused by my words but clearly he wasn’t getting the message. I stepped closer trying to make it clear that I wasn’t playing around, but clearly this was going to be a fight until the death. Somehow I was able to pin him to the nearest building sleep my blade right into his chest. When there was nothing left but a puddle of black I made my way back over to my female kneeling down to look up into her eyes.] Are you okay? He didn’t actually hurt you did he? [Christal shook her head not saying much of anything. My fangs were still elongated. “How did you know that someone was after me? You do know that you are perceived to be dead, right?” I nodded slowly. I didn’t know how to tell her this, but I was going to have to.] Yes, I know. It’s better I stay that way for everyone involved. It's not you. You have to believe me. To the race, I am an abomination. I’m half good and half evil. You are the only part of me that keeps me good and gives me conscience, Chris. I am the son of the Omega therefore I do have the enemies blood in me. I’m not happy about it considering what happened to you but I can’t fight it either. I will do everything in my power to keep you safe, but I understand if you no longer want anything to do with me because of the connection to the evil side. [I watched Christal and she blinked back tears. I wasn't sure what was about to happen, but if telling her the truth makes me lose her then I will lose every ounce of conscience I have friend go completely dark for the rest of my existence. “I could not hate you even if I tried, Lash, You are my male. You cannot help who you were born to.” Just then more shadowy figures appeared and I knew that they weren’t my creations.] Put your arms around my neck and hold on. I’ve got to get you out of here. I’ve got to keep you safe even if that means letting you go. [I could feel the tears falling on my shoulder and I knew that my words weren’t exactly what Christal wanted to hear. “Please, don’t leave me again. It physically hurts to be away from you. Don’t you feel that?” I felt it more than she will ever realize, but if it comes between her life and my existence in it I will always choose her life over my existence. I guess that’s what they meant when people have said there is nothing more important to a bonded male and his shellan.]