#bctrayer

MUSCLES CONTRACTED in his jaw following the familiar twist in his stomach when eyes finally met her. blackened knuckles delicately gripped the post of the bed in which she laid and in all honesty, thomas feared that if he hadn’t his knees would’ve caved beneath him. it was just the SIGHT of her. it was a feeling he could never shake, an unhealthy habit he could not break free from, and yet it was all too comforting for him to ever let go of. EVEN AFTER ALL SHE DID. standing still at her bedside, a shallow breath was taken before his gaze lowered to the floor, unable to stare for too long. abrasions had covered her once supple skin along with the fractured bones that were once whole. it was all too much. the confliction within, the overbearing voice in his head SCREAMING for him to do away with these feelings but the pull in his chest longing to reach out and touch her. she was still her. she was still TERESA -- but his mind could not forget the damage that had been done. 

"minho told me you -- you wanted to see me.” the hoarseness of his voice was UNFAMILIAR, small, even for him. 

send ‘a moment of weakness’ and the generated outcome will be used for a small drabble scenario or starter ( accepting ), ft. teresa @bctrayer. 17) your muse falls very ill and continues activities even if they seem on the verge of passing out.

( Teresa? )

He called out to her on a whim. He wasn’t really sure why. Maybe the quiet was finally starting to get to him, and the thought of walking all the way down the mountain in the awkward silence that had followed his waking in the chamber was unbearable. Despite everything that had happened, despite how much it all had hurt him --- physically and emotionally --- he still found himself wanting to talk to her. To reach out to her, see what she knew, ask her what had happened. To try and figure things out like they always had.

He'd known it was going to happen. Not the details --- he'd hardly known any details since they’d left the Maze --- but he had known that a betrayal scenario had been planned, and that it involved Teresa and Group B. Teresa had even warned him, more than once, even though it had been risky for her to do it. She’d warned him that it was going to be bad, and she’d told him again and again to trust her, to hang in there, that it would all be over soon. And he had. He’d tried so hard to hold onto his hope, because he knew her, knew that WICKED had planned this out, that it was their fault, not Teresa’s. And that knowledge had helped him to keep trusting her, had helped to keep his faith in her from crumbling completely from underneath him. He’d held out, barely, despite everything, and he’d believed her when she told him she was sorry, that none of it was real. That she’d had to do it. To save him. He believed her.

And yet, it had still hurt. Hurt more than he’d ever expected it to, more than he’d ever thought it could. She’d hit him, let them drag him across every bump and crack in their way, lulled him into a false sense of wary security, only to lay down blow after blow, doing her absolute best to hit everywhere she knew would hurt. She’d done everything in her power to make him feel completely and utterly betrayed, and somehow...it had worked. He did feel betrayed. Or something close to it, anyway. And even though he knew now that he’d been right, that it had all been an act, another one of WICKED’s cruel Variables thrown at him to get the patterns they wanted, he still couldn’t shake it off. He was angry, bitter, and hurt, and in that moment, he wasn’t sure if he’d ever be able to get over it completely.

How he’d ever been able to work with these people, he had no idea.

Nevertheless, he reached out; in his mind, so that Aris wouldn’t hear them. He didn’t turn to look at her, didn’t pause or reach for her hand like he might have before, but there were things he wanted to talk about, and he knew it would eat away at him if he didn’t say something.

“I feel like I need to save everyone. To redeem myself.”

Thomas recognizes that he helped do something terrible. He recognizes that the Gladers are real people with real lives and experiences, and that their lives and experiences haven’t been all that great --- often downright terrifying --- the past two years, and that’s because of WICKED’s experiments. Which Thomas helped with. And he feels awful. That’s one thing that line says.

The other thing that line says is that he’s selfish. He needs to save everyone because he needs to redeem himself. Not for the others’ sake, but for his own. Because he feels bad, and he wants to feel better, and he figures the only way to do that is to save as many people as he can.

And in all honesty, I kind of love that. Because it reminds you that he’s still a kid. A very smart (when it comes to puzzle/problem solving anyway), charismatic, stubborn, and intense kid, to be sure, but still a kid. A 16 year old boy who sees the world like most 16 year old boys do, in relation to himself and his own feelings and not always much more complexly than that.

And that’s okay. Because he is still a kid, and that’s how the vast majority of kids think. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about his friends, because he does, and it doesn’t mean that he’s not empathetic at all, which he is. It also doesn’t mean that he’s going to stay this way for the rest of his life, because who you are and the way you think at 16 years old is not set in stone. It means he’s a child, and children tend to be pretty selfish and terrible people sometimes --- especially teenagers, and especially teenagers who have been thrown into very stressful situations with no guidance whatsoever like all the Gladers have.

@bctrayer from the best meme ever || v;; mirror image

    “ ew, who the hell would like a fuckin’ nerd like you?”

Alex leant against the other girl, half shoving her a little as she laughed. She wasn’t sure if it was serious or just spouting off teenage hormones but...