#bct

Journalistic 06/2002

Today was training day for my new job. Was I nervous? No. Suspicious? Yes. I met my coworker (the dragon from the interview) about the same time I arrived. His name is Matthew. Like I said, weirdo. I couldn’t talk because the butler then escorted us inside the mansion. Swank house! It’s amazing how much money people can make. This place is huge! Decorations everywhere, high end furniture, you name it they got it. As we waited for our job trainers, Matthew asked me what kind of person we would be tending to. I guessed some old dude who needs house aides to sponge him down. It turns out to be the head of the biggest construction company of the Midwest! This guy is famous in AC because of the paper he makes. These two guys who are like, 10 years older than us talk about the job we will be performing. These guys are retiring and we’re the replacements. They called themselves Caesar and Thaddeus, like butler names or some shit. They were super anal about the strict routines we have to go through because one slight misstep and we’ll be fired. They even showed us these wetsuits we have to wear when showering. I’m thinking, “this guy must be some kind of secret homo if he’s fine with us showering with him.” Heck, when we groom the guy we have to be topless! Anyway, I will get to use my special massage skills on the guy. The cherry on top is that we now take the butler names of the guys who trained us. I am Caesar. Matthew is Thaddeus. When it was all over, Matthew wanted to go out. But I’m not the type that likes to be chummy with co-workers. So I lied and told him I had to meet my family. I gotta admit, I kinda like being named after a Roman emperor. Before I forget, we also will be living at Greyson Mansion in about two weeks.

Vander’s Journalistic Blog

This is it everyone! My last day at the faceless corporate masseuse venture! My agent got me a job interview with some rich dude who wants his own masseuse. Now I know what you are thinking. Quitting a job before you know you have a new job lined up? You must be crazy. Trust me when I say I am not. I’m just sick and tired. Besides, I have a good feeling about this. So wish me luck on this interview.

In other news, my newly minted ex came for her stuff. It’s all for the best. Our sex life hit a wall and I think she was cheating on me. To be fair, I was considering having an affair myself. So best of luck to the both of us. Who knows, maybe I’ll meet a cute little thing at my new job

Vander Lavigne signing out

Dear Journal,

Good news! The job agency gave me a call to tell me that I have an interview lined up! They said I would be doing all the salon work that I used to do, but for a private client. Just what I wanted! I asked who the client was, but the agency said that they were not allowed to disclose. I am not too concerned though, the agency is a reputable one and I really need the job. I’ll wear my black tie prom suit, it should still fit. Gotta go for something easy on the eyes because of my glistening scales. Anyway, I was at the gym today and this really cute girl approached me. We had some small talk, but I hope it develops into something more. Everything seems to be falling into place.

Sincerely, Matthew Corbin

Vander’s Journalistic Blog

I’m so fed up with upper management. I’ve been a professional masseuse for 2 years now and have not had a significant raise or promotion. HELLO!? Can’t they tell that people have lives? I have been busting my ass to be the top performer at my branch. I keep up my sexy looks so that customers always come back for more. I’m so skilled that my customers always get the premium packages. I’ve even attracted male customers, which I don’t understand. They must all be gay, but that’s not my vibe!

Also, I’ve been training new masseuses and managing my parlor like a fine tuned machine. Corporate gives the usual corporate line excuse: “Due to the recession...blah blah blah” but this is BS. The company makes a shit ton of money and none of my customers ended their subscriptions.

You know the saying, “when it rains, it pours?”. My girlfriend broke up with me, don’t know why though. I wasn’t feeling it with her anyway.

But you know what? I’m not going to complain about it any further. I’m going to find new horizons. I know that whoever puts me in their sphere of influence, they will not be disappointed.

Vander Lavigne (that’s La-veen-ye to you corporate drone) signing out

Dear Journal,

I got laid off from my salon job today, a real bummer I know. I need to find a job fast because my savings account can only pay for a quarter of my bills. Naturally I looked at other salon type jobs, but those are scarce these days due to the economy. Despite the setback, I will not allow myself to slip up. I’m thinking about something recession proof, maybe along the lines of a personal fur groomer. I sent my resume and portfolio to an employment agency to help with my search. Cosmetology is the only thing I’m good at, not to mention the personal joy I get. Seeing people love my work always makes it all worth it. Hopefully I will get some interviews soon.

I was thinking about getting back in the dating game, but I can’t do that because no lady wants a guy who’s unemployed.

Sincerely, Matthew Corbin