#bcc 2016

okay so like i feel as though i should acknowledge this to people who would appreciate it but like…i know i wrote a kinda emotional (well i was emotional at the time) post about meeting gillian and about the incredibly kind things she said to me and like…it was kind of obvious that what she’d said had had an impact on me and that it wasn’t something i would ever forget. in short, i thanked her for speaking out about her panic attacks, and in turn, she slowed me down at the autograph table (i was literally ready to Bolt) and told me that i could do anything and that it’s all just a matter of reprogramming your brain but that you can still do anything. and like. at that point i wasn’t dealing Too Heavily with panic (actually it’s kind of funny because i know i’m at my healthiest and most functional when panic isn’t quotidian but is still commonplace…otherwise, a lack of panic or an otherworldly rise in it is a sign of a depression swing, an illness, or something else going horribly wrong so, in a sense, i’m at my healthiest when i have panic attacks which is hilarious and i’ve made my peace with that but whatever) because i’d been very, very sick with lyme (in my photo op pic you can just barely see the knee brace i was in because i wanted to prevent as much pain as i could) but nonetheless it really stuck with me. though i knew for a fact that hearing such a thing right then wasn’t necessarily the Right Time in my life to hear it - after all, i’d already done as much of the ‘brain reprogramming’ part as i could - i wasn’t about to push my luck. after all that was a ridiculously kind moment with her and i knew for a fact i would cherish it.