#bbg angst

He ignores you. "Have you ever killed a devil before last night?"

"Isn't it your job to keep track?" You turn your head away. The dread seeps from your chest into your limbs. Why won't it go away? "Where's my brother?"

"You've got a smart mouth," the man says. "Not smart enough to know when you're in shit, though."

"Smart enough to get me out of it."

"Not this time."

Not this time. You repeat his statement in your head. It only makes you feel worse.

"What do you want from me? Either say what you came to say or get the fuck out."

Your name rolls of his tongue like something familiar. "You're a recent graduate from Kokusai high school. You got decent grades and were fairly popular among your peers."

"Pretty sure popularity isn't a priority in your line of work." Your mocking tone is weak, and he doesn't take the bait.

"You had a lot going for you, much as I can say, but you didn't take any exams afterwards."

You grit your teeth with as much strength as you can muster. It's his turn to needle at you.

"No jobs lined up either…Your mom died from natural causes when you were young, and your dad's still drinking his weight in grief. "

"Are you getting to the point?"

"Why did surveillance catch you sneaking around that building a three days ago?"

Your first reaction is surprise, then remorse. You stare at him with half-lidded eyes, wallowing in the deep-sated despair that's taken over your body. "I should know the name of the asshole who performed such a thorough background check," you mutter. "If you want me to answer any of your questions."

"You can call me Kishibe."

"I think I'll stick to 'asshole'," you tell him. "Suits you better."

"What were you doing in that building last night? Did anyone tell you about that building?"

"No." Lie.

"Did you know the car devil would be there?"

"No." Lie.

"Are you lying to me?" Yes.

"Where's my brother?"

He ignores you and slowly repeats himself. "What were you doing in that building?"

You turn away, looking out the window.

"The sun is up," you say instead. It's bright outside, your room overlooking the busy urbanscape. It's a beautiful day.

If everything had gone to plan, you might not have seen it.

Present Day (one week after meeting Aki)

"Another slow day," Himeno groans as she stretches her arm over her head. "I swear, ever since you've been added on, we haven't had any incidents. You must be our lucky charm or something."

She throws her arm over your shoulders, leaning in close despite the gap between your seats. Aki remains quiet as he eats across the table. He doesn't look up from his bowl.

"Kind of a drag, though. I was hoping we could see your skills sooner than later."

"They're nothing special," you concede to her, leaning out of her restraint and propping your elbow on the table. "It's funny, actually, my brother said something similar this morning. I used to think devil attacks were few and far between."

As you say this, Aki glances up for the first time since the three of you sat down.

"Just because we haven't seen them, doesn't mean they aren't lurking around," Himeno explains, her cheerfulness tampered down. "With the strong ones, we're usually only able to track them down by the trail of bodies they leave behind."

That…makes sense. You only meant to make idle conversation, but now, the atmosphere is heavy.

"Never thought about it like that," you murmur awkwardly. "Sorry."

"Don't be sorry," Himeno laughs off, flapping her hand at you. "You're still learning. That's what Aki and I are here for."

Wordlessly, you look at Aki. His hair is tied up the same way it was when you met him. You met Himeno the next day—she invited you to a team dinner to welcome you aboard.

You haven't exchanged many words with him ever since Himeno introduced herself. He answers your questions simply with 'yes' or 'no', but never anything longer. Anything longer, and he tells you to ask Himeno.

When you ask him why, his answer is always—

"She's been at this longer than me." 

It annoyed you whenever he wrote you off. Like, he got all he needed from that first conversation, and now—

He's been talking about you. Or looking through your file. Either way, he's gained information on you, and you don't know enough about him. It isn't in your nature to ask though.

"What do you guys say to drinks after this?" Himeno suggests, leaning back in her chair.

"I can't imagine sourpuss is any more fun to be around with alcohol in him." You jilt your head in Aki's direction, purposely poking for a reaction.

"Oh, Aki loosens up quite a bit after a glass. He's a lightweight," Himeno teases, joining in your amusement. The butt of the joke is less happy about it.

"You're one to talk, Himeno. Try keeping your hands to yourself before you accuse me of being a lightweight." You stifle a laugh in surprise at Aki's retort.

"Himeno," you jeer in disappointment. "I can't go out for drinks with a pervert."

Himeno's face drops, and you see an echo of your brother as she tries to defend herself.

You release your laugh and smile at her. "I'm just messing with you. I think I'll call it a night though. My brother is waiting for me at home."

"Just call him."

Aki's voice tears through the restaurant patronage, and you turn to him. You notice recognition flash in his eyes, and you wonder what expression you made.

"Does that mean you're down, Aki?" Himeno completely misses your exchange, and you realize your heart is racing. You need to relax. "Yeah, call whoever you need to call, and let them know. You're getting familiar with your co-workers tonight."

You groan pettishly, turning away. "Why do you have to say it like that? You seriously sound like a perv."

"What did I say?!" You want to laugh at how irritated she sounds, but the looming invitation weighs in your mind.

Aki hasn't stopped staring at you, he's waiting for your answer when you don't know yourself.

You scratch the back of your neck.

"Quit it. You're making me uncomfortable."

"You should get along with other divisions for your future benefit. There may be situations where you need to rely on them."

What a logical answer, you think skeptically. Truthfully, you don't have the faintest interest in knowing your colleagues. All you need to know is how to kill devils with them.

But you can't exactly say that.

They're both watching you, expecting an answer now. You let your head hang as you turn to Himeno.

"Let me have a cigarette while I make a call."

She cheers, promising to join you when you finish.

"That concludes my report." Aki looked forward to briefings in Makima's office at the end of his shifts. Since he worked until sundown, the sunset made for a beautiful view. 

"Is there anything else you'd like to add? How do you think your new partner is doing?" Makima's voice is especially lovely at the end of a draining day, Aki thinks before recollecting his patrol with you. 

"She's attentive during patrol, but there haven't been any attacks, so it's hard to say. She seems full of herself, but she's not necessarily loud about it."

"Strong dogs don't tend to bark," Makima answers with a smile. It only confuses him. 

"You think she's strong?"

Makima looks away, so he can't see her expression as she tells him—

"I certainly think she's capable."

Aki doesn't say anything as he absorbs her words. He remembers something though. 

"She mentioned she saved her brother, and spoke of him like he were still alive," he tells Makima. "But, I'm fairly certain her brother was killed in the Car Devil incident."

Aki decides to sit across from you at the table. He realizes the seat that usually went to Himeno has recently been occupied by you, but he quickly waves the thought away.

The three of you are on your second drink at this late point of the evening, while the others have several more empty glasses cluttered in front of them.

Aki can feel the flush in his cheeks, but he can still witness Himeno getting more touchy on the other side of the table with a clear conscience.

You're beside Himeno, visibly leaning away to avoid her attention. Aki takes another sip of his drink.

Your drink is finished, and your face is flushed the same as his. Your eyes are clear though. Clear and bright, probably from the alcohol.

Aki was instigating earlier, at the end of your meal. He wanted to see how you would react to mentioning your brother. And he knows he's an piece of shit for that. You're likely grieving your dead brother, and he's kicking the grave.

But aside from the brief, wide-eyed panic he caught—in the end, you didn't clarify who you went to call outside. He couldn't even know if you had pulled your phone out at all.

He has a lingering suspicion towards you, but after such a quiet week and the alcohol in his system, he's starting to chalk it up to paranoia. He even mulls over Makima's words.

If Makima is confident in your skill, then maybe he can recruit you for his endgame. You don't seem too attached to living with your demeanor, but you are tethered to the memory of your brother.

Maybe he can use that.

"You're making me uncomfortable, sourpuss."

Aki's vision focuses again, and you're eyeing him down. A new drink sits between your hands.

He clears his throat, grateful his face is already pink.

"Himeno was right. You are a lightweight," you mock, smiling. "Didn't you realize you were staring?"

Aki wants to move on from that. "It's just my complexion. I'm fine."

"Your eyes are glassy."

"I can say the same for you."

"I'm not the one on trial."

"I'm not drunk," he clarifies, taking another sip of his second drink. You take one of your third with a grin dancing on your lips.

Your attention moves back onto Himeno, who has now attached herself to one of the red-faced officers that were at the table when the three of you arrived.

Aki is compelled at this moment to speak to you. He sees an opportunity where Himeno is distracted and you're loosened up. Whether to silence his doubts or submit to his impulses, he calls your name.

"What?"

"I need to ask you something. Please forgive me if this is rude."

You react animatedly, halfway done with your drink. You're clearly struck with surprise at Aki's preemptive apology.

"Alright."

"Your brother…he's dead, isn't he?"

Your eyes widen slightly, a clear indication that you weren't expecting him to ask that. You lower your gaze, and Aki hears you laugh lowly as you rake your fingers through your hair. Your hair is still tied back from patrol, so a few strays fall out in front of your face. You brush them back.

"Yours too, right?" You reply, and something in Aki's chest swells. He leans towards rage. You hold a finger up before venom snaps out of his mouth. "Hold that thought, Hayakawa. You poked first."

You lean over the table, propping your head up against your palm. The amusement in your eyes have disappeared, and so is your smile. Aki thinks you look irritated, much like how he feels, but he acknowledges you're right. He brought up dead brothers first.

But how did you know about Taiyo? His eyes trail onto Himeno, who's about to drop her head in a plate of chicken bones.

Suspect number One.

"Why do you ask?" You're looking at him behind your drink.

"I read the report on the Car Devil incident. The way you speak of your brother, it confused me."

You nod as you finish your drink.

"If it bothers you so much, I won't bring him up again." You speak calmly as you place your empty glass on the table and rise from you seat. Aki feels compelled to stand with you.

"I never said it bothers me."

"It's confusing though, isn't it? He's dead," You say firmly and quietly, even though you'll draw attention from the others by just standing next to the table. Your face is still flushed, but the shine in your eyes has faded. "Thank you for inviting me along tonight."

You sound sincere, maybe a little sullen. Aki can't tell. He's surprised you're not storming out.

"I'll get going first. Make sure Himeno gets home safe."

You bow your head and turn to leave. Rubbing his jaw, Aki doesn't stop you. He waits until you're out the door before he takes another sip.

The walk is quiet on your way home. The evening air is chilly, but your jacket keeps you comfortable. The conversation between you and Aki lingers in your mind.

You idly stroll with a cigarette hanging between your fingers. You hang your head back, trying to find the stars behind the streetlights. By the time you're outside your home, your cigarette is dead and you're starless.

Stepping inside, the interior is dark and cold. You flick your shoes off in the doorway and pull your hair loose as you venture blind towards the bathroom.

You regret not going to the bathroom before you left the dinner. While you enjoyed your walk home, the three drinks you had were threatening to break the seal well before you pulled your pants down.

Finishing that up, you backtrack to the kitchen for another drink.

The room glows softly from the fridge once you pull it open. There's two drinks left, and you grab the one on the right. You keep the door propped open as you pop it open and chug it back.

The overhead light flashes on, and your drink slips down the wrong pipe. You're choking on your drink as your head swivels around.

Your brother stands by the switch. His hands are on his waist, and he's in his pajamas.

"Oh, hey," you cough.

"Hey?" He echoes, and you recognize the lines between his brows as they squeeze together. "Do you realize what time it is?"

"In my defense, I thought I was being quiet," you try to placate, taking another swig.

"I didn't go to bed, I was waiting for you to get home," he says quickly before throwing his arms up in exasperation. "And you're still drinking. You know, you reek of cigarettes too?"

"Yeah, I know. Sorry," you say easily, looking off at the sink while twirling your beverage.

Your brother sucks in a breath. He's about to scold you even more, but he stops. Instead, he responds differently than you remember, and sighs quietly.

"What happened?"

You scoff, smiling sardonically behind the last of your drink. The memory of Aki's audacious question stirs something hollow in your chest.

"Nothing I wasn't already expecting."

"You can't tell me?" His arms are crossed over his chest as you look at him. Leaning against the counter, crushing your empty drink in your hands, you shrug.

"I'd rather hear about your day."

"It's the middle of the night. I have work tomorrow," your brother responds, and you imagine him scratching the back of his head and heading back to his room. That being thought of, he stays planted firmly in the kitchen.

"My boss was already being an ass to me. If I show up late to work, he'll have my neck."

"We'll set a bunch of alarms and turn the volume all the way up," you suggest, nudging your head in direction of his usual seat on the other side of the counter. "We have instant coffee too, it'll help you wake up faster."

He releases a groan before collapsing in his chair.

"There was so much bullshit in the office today," he tells you, and you listen as he explains his day. You've heard this one a few times now, but it's the first time for your brother.

"Why would that bitch say that? During a meeting too?" You participate in the conversation, languidly falling into the show. Your brother, no longer tired, rises from his seat and—

Sh.

It goes quiet. Your brother still moves his mouth, as if he were talking. Still moves his body as if it were real.

"No," you deny, gripping the edge of the counter, but your fingers are growing numb. Your body feels weightless. "It was too short."

"You need to wake up." Aki.

And his gratingly arrogant tone.

You spin your head around, and your coworker is standing in an abyss. You're no longer in your kitchen, and your brother has disappeared.

"Why are you here?" You ask him, scowling, irritated that your time is over.

"You need to wake up."

You blink your eyes open and you're lying in a familiar room. There's shelves on the wall with books you've never read, and a blanket of dust coating the desk in the corner.

You're on your brother's bed, lying on top the covers. Your uniform is still on, minus the jacket, which you notice is folded over the desk chair, and the sun is glowing through the window.

A wave of pain rings in your head, and you groan in frustration. You turn onto your side, clutching at the sheets. They smell like you, but they remind you of when your brother would throw himself on his bed after a hard day.

"This is bullshit," you stubbornly murmur with burning eyes.

"I want to go back to sleep."

𝐛𝐛𝐠 I planned to post this on Monday, but I was eager to get some angst out. I hope this works to keep you invested (*ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ꕤ*.ﾟ

⭑.ᐟ coming up next