#bbbbbbbbbbbb

this was me trying to create literally anything basically? my depression mostly manifests as me not being able to finish projects / losing interest too quickly, so a lot of the time im just. sitting there, bored and frustrated. i have many little things that i started & wanna share with the world, yet idk how to? i always feel like things are too unfinished to share kind of? like. what do i do with drafty beginnings of a fic. or a half-baked v-tuber model.

drawings are special like that. it's something i can finish in one sitting. but oftentimes they feel not enough? my brain tells me things are somehow lesser if they don't get enough attention, so i've been forcing myself to make yt videos.

but at the end of the day, posting stuff online isn't a reliable dopamine source. logically, i do it because it can inspire people, and because it's a reminder that i made anything at all. and so i sit here, checking activity feeds. maybe i should turn my notifs back on.

thank you for reading. please don't worry about me much, i am medicated and have weekly therapy. maybe i'll keep yall posted, this is technically a blog.