#baumarius

I'm premiering my new album "Tendril Talk" on Friday, 10/10 at 8 PM EST on Twitch and YouTube. Join us! The album will release at midnight on 10/11.

Here's a sneak peek:

"Kelp" is based on endangered Alaskan kelp forests and a painting by Rokita (my sister), for our upcoming Kickstarter and multimedia collaboration "Maps Of The Earth We Still Have." Through art and song we hope to bring awareness to some of the most endangered places that we may still yet save.

Kelp forests provide crucial habitat and food for marine life and act as a significant carbon sink, absorbing and storing large amounts of carbon dioxide. Unfortunately, their existence is threatened by an exploding sea urchin population (the purple balls in her artwork) - exacerbated by human-induced climate change, which slows their growth and makes their entire ecosystem vulnerable to things like erosion, pollution, and more.

Reaching for paradise, trapped behind a pane of glass...

3 months ago, I was diagnosed with moderate obstructive sleep apnea. Usually that's something that's not so common amongst people who are barely over underweight, but it can happen to anyone. I was not aware of just how bad it would get. The road ahead is long and uncertain. My vision is clear, but I don't think that pouring my soul into this alone will be enough. To truly heal from this condition, I must walk at least 30 minutes a day and use my CPAP daily. But to take care of myself as such in this fragile state is to sap myself of what energy I have left to engage in capitalism. It is tempting to feel despair or anxiety, but I am too tired and resolved to feel anything but determination.

I keep my vision before me - a north star in this seemingly endless slog. I can do nothing but tread onward and leave my vision in the hands of people and algorithms I don't yet know if I can trust. I won't be able to perform like I used to for months. But if you believe in me, I will believe in you.

My walk today forced me to sit down halfway through and stop. I had no more energy. My legs would not carry me any further. I hadn't even walked a mile. My sleep last night was very poor - it's been rather difficult to adjust to having air forced through my face while I sleep. While I sat there, I saw this little guy taking a rest as well. At one point he went for a swim - perhaps to get a drink. Then I made my way back to my car twice as slow as the journey here, and then promptly fell asleep when I got inside.

I'm in a tough spot right now. I'm a little over $40,000 in debt. Most of that is the vehicle I use for business (not actually a problem). But I have $4,600 on credit cards. They're maxed out. My payment history is perfect though. If I could get my credit cards down to zero, a month or two later I could refinance my car for lower monthly payments, as my credit score would shoot up past 770. My monthly expenses, minimum payments included, are less than 30% of my full-time income. But I can barely work 30% of full-time. I'm an Uber driver, and since a couple months before getting my CPAP, driving for more than a couple hours forces me to the side of the road into a car coma for hours, often in the middle of nowhere, after which my energy is gone and I have to muster up the energy to drive home.

I can't afford to fall asleep in my car anymore. It will make my sleep apnea worse if I sleep without my CPAP. But I need to drive. So I started chewing gum in order to stay awake on the road. It turns out that this only worsens my aerophagia (swallowing air, usually from anxiety), which causes the CPAP to force air into my stomach while I'm sleeping. I wake up like a balloon, or I have to throw off the mask so the air doesn't perforate my stomach. So that isn't an option either.

I can't afford to make a mistake on the road and fall asleep while driving. I fall asleep a lot. It's only for a split second each time, but it's brutal - and if I get reported for that, it's over. There's nothing else I can easily get that pays me like Uber/Lyft does in my city right now. I'm also really effing good at it. But this problem will only get worse if I'm constantly strained. That is why I need to keep walking lightly each day and resting as much as I can outside of that - not driving.

Unfortunately, instead I've been using all of my energy chasing bills. My car payment was due on the 8th of August, and this month I got hit with unexpected car expenses. If I'm unable to pay it before the 31st (or likely Friday, since they won't process it over the weekend), it will be reported as late and refinancing will become much harder and less beneficial for me. My current APR is 18% (this is insane). I need to get that down.

So, I am asking for your help. I do not have a family to rely on. They are part of a doomsday cult that I escaped from 10 years ago. It's just me, my friends, and whoever believes in me.

Ideally, I think 2-3 months of basic expenses ($1800/mo) might set me straight. Some people take 8+ months to get back to normal after starting CPAP therapy, and it's been 2 already. Currently, I am mainly asking for $1200 to get me to the end of August. Anything and everything helps. Every $35 is an hour I don't have to spend trying to stay awake on the road. I've set up a pool on PayPal for this and people over on Bluesky have already donated $250. $1200 is a soft limit - if you want to donate more so that I am allowed to rest, it would be much appreciated: https://www.paypal.com/pool/9hKIZK7Eex?sr=accr

If you're wondering why you should believe in me or who I even am to begin with - I'm Bau, a multimedia artist and composer. Last year, my community came together to raise over $10,000 to help me record with an orchestra for the first time.

Now I'm in the process of preparing a new album for release. It is 98% done and I hope to release it on October 11th. If you are interested and desire some form of compensation for your assistance, it can be pre-ordered on Bandcamp. The base price is $11 but you can pay what you want for it (Bandcamp takes ~15%). I also take music commissions for characters, stories, intro themes, and etc.

This is the album cover - it's by Huie. It's called Tendril Talk and it has some of the most hopeful songs I have ever created. As a show of good faith, here is one of my favorite tracks on the album. It's called "Hope." It's too big to upload here, so here's a download link. Mind the "jumpscare" at 3:01~

If you need more of an incentive, I am also working in tandem with another game developer to create a VR synesthesia simulator in Unreal Engine 5 that is 10x more intense/amazing than the original videos I made with After Effects, with a research survey attached that may or may not change the way psychologists and the general public think of synesthesia. Synesthesia is a phenomenon that allows me to see music visually. IRL it feels better than the most pleasurable experiences you can imagine, and I have a hunch that frequent use of this software may enable you to train it so that you can experience it with nothing but your own brain. And I really want you to know what that feels like.

I also have a second game planned after this called "Tenera" that will fuse some of the systems in this simulator with a therian-inspired Ori And The Blind Forest-esque metroidvania in which you play as a telepathic wolf in a post-human world. This game will deliver the messages of Tendril Talk (and more) in their purest, most gripping form. I have seen the blight that is eating away at this society and I want to set the world on fire in the best possible way. There is yet hope to be found in each other. This is the only way I can conceive of finally getting this message across in a way that sticks.

None of this will happen if this is where I crash and burn. If, deep down, you believe we can create a better world together, believe in me. I may not know you personally but I will always believe in you. I'm willing to put in the work to make all of this happen...I just need a chance to do it.

Please listen to my music on a more ethical platform or purchase my music directly on Bandcamp. If you are comfortable or able to move off of Spotify, you can use something like Exportify or TuneMyMusic to export your playlists and library. The other big streaming platforms probably aren’t much better, but Apple Music compensates me most per stream out of all them. I really like YouTube Music as it lets you upload your own files and add YouTube videos to your playlists. Uploading music you purchased from Bandcamp will only be accessible to you on YouTube Music - ad-free.

As always, I hope my music continues to inspire you. Keep an eye out for my next announcement regarding my upcoming album, Tendril Talk!

Thanks for your time, your encouragement, and sharing your arts with us! - blackwinged-soul (Don't mind that this url is to an RP blog; it's just the main blog on the account.)

Linking the song below so others can listen ^^

I'm glad to hear that! Cerulean is one of the purest expressions of my soul and one of the two songs I wrote based on something I told my friends once. It emerged in association with another track I love very much: "I feel like I have found the most profound meaning in the universe, within myself. And yet I feel so small. Infinite power bubbles up from this wellspring, culminating into my form, the love and passion I want to share with others, and my vision of life. We have a finite capacity to share this infinite moment, and yet most do not even realize that that is what we are here for. I stand in my circle before the universe, eyes ablaze with love, beacons in the distance… A lighthouse for my friends, until the lights go out and they ask, 'Where have you gone?' Perhaps to some distant star, or nowhere at all. I know nothing, and yet in my hands I hold some fragment of truth. My hand is outstretched in invitation, but my voice is but a whisper against the hardened exteriors of those around me. Behind the wall of trauma smothering everyone, I am invisible. I must remain alight, on the off chance that someone like you might catch a glimpse and take my hand. The weight of the pain that I bear is great, and I do not desire to face it alone."

{CMSN} Warm Hugs

A telegram sticker for Texotic, featuring Baumarius, sharing a nice hug between wolves. :3 Texotic (c) to Texotic on FA Bau (c) to Baumarius on FA Art (c) to myself Wanna see these images early? Have HD downloads? PSD access? Consider becoming a patron on Patreon! >>> https://www.patreon.com/Venerabela <<< Want a commission? See other sites I'm on? Interact with me and my community? >>> https://venerabela.carrd.co/ <<<