#batjokes week

Bruce wasn’t even really sure why or how he had come to be here. The more he thought about it, the less it made sense. How does Batman end up sitting on a soft, flower printed sofa with his arch nemesis, awaiting their turn for couples counseling? It made his head spin.

The Joker was sprawled out over the sofa with his head resting in Bruce’s lap, seemingly oblivious to the awkwardness of why they were there. Bruce sighed and looked at the grandfather clock standing against the wall just across from where he was seated at the edge of the sofa. The Joker was oddly silent for now, Bruce wondered if the clown had actually fallen asleep. The only sounds in the waiting room was the steady tick-toc-tick of the clock and the muffled arguing coming from the other side of the door where another couple was having their session.

Bruce absentmindedly stroked his fingers through the Joker’s green hair as they waited, growing more and more irritated as the arguing from the other couple got increasingly louder.

“Perhaps we shouldn’t have arrived so early.” The clown mumbled.

“So you aren’t asleep.” Bruce stated.

“Heck no! I’m just...Bored.” Came the response. “And not the usual boredom that can be cured with just your presence, Darling. This is some next level, soul piercing boredom.”

Bruce was about to make a reply when he was cut off by very loud and very distinct shouting from inside the room.

“OH YEAH, BECAUSE NOTHING SAYS ‘I LOVE YOU LIKE SLOWLY POISONING ME TO DEATH!”

“POISON? I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU LIKED MY COOKING!”

The Joker wiggled in Bruce’s lap in order to listen better as this argument got worse, despite the counselor’s attempts to calm the other couple. The glee he took from the distraction was apparent on his widely grinning face.

“Yeesh, and I thought we had problems.” The Joker giggled, Bruce had to grab him by the shoulders and pull him back down onto the sofa just to keep him from getting up to eavesdrop on the argument further.

“Yes, in comparison we really are the picture of a perfect couple.” Bruce replied in the most monotonously sarcastic voice he could muster. “That’s what we’re here for.”

The Joker burst into hysterics and Bruce wondered if there really was any reason for them to be here at all. It was true that his relationship with the Joker was full of problems, but in moments like this several of those problems didn’t seem to matter and of course the once that did still matter could not be solved even with rigorous counseling.

“No, no, no.” The Joker finally managed to choke out between fits of giggles. “C’mon Batsy. You know as well as I do that we’re here for absolutely no reason.”

The Joker stood then, not to lean his head against the door to listen in on the couple in session, but instead offer his hand to Bruce. “ Go put on your other suit and let’s just chase each other for a few hours, that usually solves all our problems.”

“I hate to disagree, but chasing each other seems to cause more problems than it solves.” Bruce retorted.

He took the Joker’s hand anyway.

Dr. Marianna Hedge rubbed her temples, giving herself a minute to recover after the terrible ending of her last session. Some couples were just destined for divorce and there was nothing she nor any other counselor could do about it. She sighed and looked at the schedule her assistant had put together for her, knowing that she had at least three more appointments before she could go home for the day, including a new couple that she had not worked with before.

“Who’s next?” She muttered, pulling the schedule close to her face so she could read it properly in the dim light of her office. Her eyes widened in surprise, “Bruce Wayne?”

It could not possibly be the same Bruce Wayne that was the billionaire playboy with a different girlfriend ever week. What could he want with a couples counseling session? Dr. Hedge set the schedule down and walked to the door to the waiting room. “Has to be a different Bruce Wayne.”

She opened the door. “Mr. Wayne, I’m ready for you.” She called without looking.

There was no answer, Dr. Hedge called again. “Mr. Wayne?”

Dr. Hedge stepped into the waiting room and looked around but there was nobody around. Maybe Mr. Wayne and whoever it was he was going to this appointment with just hadn’t arrived yet. Come to think of it, who was Mr. Wayne supposedly coming with? Dr. Hedge went back into her office and looked at her schedule again.

4:00 - Bruce Wayne and J.

“That’s what it says.” She said to herself. She looked out into the waiting room again. Dr. Hedge had a strict late policy, if Wayne and the mysterious J did not arrive within fifteen minutes their appointment would be officially cancelled.

She waited, listening for any indication that Mr. Wayne had arrived. Minutes went by until finally Dr. Hedge grabbed her schedule to declare Bruce Wayne a no-show. She supposed it may be for the best, perhaps Wayne and J had overheard the shout from her previous session and decided that their relationship wasn’t so bad that they needed counseling.