#batcrooks

Santa Claws, This is rather an embarrassing letter to write, because I do not think you exist. In fact, I'm pretty sure Peridotite and whatever accomplices he has are reading this and laughing at me. So yes, I'm onto you guys. To be honest, though, I'm so far at the end of my rope that it doesn't matter. I don't even know how this started. Well, I do. My old business partner Coffee found some poor kid washed up on a beach somewhere, so the obvious choice was to run off together and start a clan. Once Coffee's wonderlust got the best of him, he skipped town and put me in charge. I thought he'd come back. That was my first huge mistake. Why am I writing this? You know this, Perry. You were a crewmate. I guess I just need to get this on paper, and maybe I can get it back before it gets circulated among the whole clan. Anyways, it's been years, and here's what I've had to deal with: 1) A transparently evil necromancer 2) His ambiguously evil mate 3) His horrible mutant zombie son 4) His adopted horrible demon cultist (?) son 5) A shadowy assassin(?)--actually mostly harmless, but attempts to do the worst possible thing in all situations, and that's worst as in "evilest" 6) I'm pretty sure Malachite is getting up to some shady things, even if I'm not sure what they are exactly 7) Sindarin is a Light supremacist, and Eldarin is her mate/accomplice... but she's the big issue here 8) Sentient puppet (???) 9) Sentient robot (???) 10) Our newest arrival is possibly literally Death, or very good at faking it...? Look, those are just the weirdest ones. I'm pretty sure an unspoken requirement of being here is having some eccentric/wacky quirk. And you know what? I'm the only one trying to make sure all these dragons don't take over Sornieth or kill the deities or whatever's going on. The only one. I don't get thanked for it, or rewarded for it, and Cerulean is in love with Coffee, for all the good that does her. And me. This is less of a letter and more of a diary entry, which I'm sure is exactly what you're expecting, Perry. Go spend the cash you got from Eminence for this and just buy me a real diary for Winterfeast. Jerk. If "Santa Claws" is reading this (or if you want to go the extra mile and fake a return letter, Perry and friends, good luck, because I know everyone's clawwriting), all I really want is some peace of mind. Maybe a vacation. Nice clothes. A little validation once in a while. Regards, Royal Clan Kaleidoscope Co-Leader