#banterwiththevoid

I want you. I want you to come over. I want you to kiss me on the mouth and then take me by the hand and lead me to the shower. I want you to take off my shirt and caress me and wash my back and kiss the nape of my neck. I want you to come with me to bed, and look into my eyes and tell me that you have missed me and that you have returned. I want you to make love to me and shudder as we come together and you tell me you love me with your whole body. I want you to fall asleep in my arms. I want you.

You look at me Head resting on fresh pillowcase Hot breathe and fantasy And look away To hide the obviousness The painted color to your every move Unspoken --- [I love you]s I drift Imagining A lazy Sunday Some banal chore Like brushing white a broken table Made sweet by your proximity An apartment Some brownstone number on a lettered street A tiled staircase leading to a room Where both, We take our mail Modest But light Furnished sparsely with simple wood And the essence a lover Who demands nothing of you Except the full expression of yourself And clean sheets To be Unbridled To go about the business of your destiny Companioned I smile, I hope you that man I hope we get there I hope when I wake in that moment And feel the shudder of remembrance That I had wandered to this place before Once upon a Wednesday musing I hope the man beside me shares your face But I remember, I haven't met him yet I haven't met me yet These daydreams do not yet breathe these lives And let it go But how different then When we were new to this And westwardly we walked The sun always ahead of us Towards a diminishing candle Impossible Flattening the creases of our fingers Aching to be closer Chasing sunsets Forever But a pot of gold Unlike the rainbow Imagined A destination We could never reach So I breathe your scent Observe the glinting of your eye And oh that trick of light Assemblage of the right conditions Conjured by beholder's gaze That smear of color on the open sky It's enough for me In wet eyed moments Unpromised

I like cheese three or four times a day Maybe I imagine the scent The texture I can feel it Where the tastebuds are Melting And how it always tastes different When delivered Directly Nostalgic Like when I jumped over my sister And came face bleeding to my mother The tip of my tongue hanging like a shirt Half on the hanger Powerless And I could eat cheese Without anyone knowing my addiction No pain in the stomach You see It isn’t good for me But I am drawn Against my better knowing The novelty of trying little pieces Dropped into my maw No chewing No digestion Finite The beginning and the after both forgot I feel the same way when I let strangers fuck me.

On the other side of this membrane This clear film, which thoughts pass through Feelings, caring, but not people There is the before When we were happy And we were But not that happy But still happy When it was enough But it wasn't enough But I thought it was enough But then it wasn't And we weren't And I wasn't And I can't go there Never go back Don't Because it wasn't bad then But it wasn't then, what I need now But it was still good And these have to live together While I ache for the memory Of how I tell myself it was Truthfully, I don't remember What I really wish, That I could have felt the way I do Without you, when I was with you Maybe I did.

You were wearing those skimpy little undies And my and old yoga t-shirt Cross-legged on the counter Listening, And eating fried rice. I will never forget The way you smiled When I needed to feel safe And good enough

(Don't accept less than) (Don't accept less than) (Don't accept less than) (Don't accept less than) (Don't accept less than) (Don't accept less than) (Don't accept less than) (Don't accept less than) (Don't accept less than) (Don't accept less than) Heart & Breath - loud (Don't accept less than) (Don't accept less than) (Don't accept less than) (Don't accept less than) (Don't accept less than) (Don't accept less than) (Don't accept less than) (Don't accept less than) (Don't accept less than) (Don't accept less than) I'm leaving.

The first step always feels like walking away