#bakustan

12. AZERBAIJAN Chingiz - “Truth” SemiFinal 2, #18

Lol you can pretty much C+P my Luca write-up here because every letter of affectionate mockery I wrote about him also applies to ‘Chingiz’, except... It’s even more extreme here, somehow? 😍 “She Got Me” has a chance to become a carcrash. “Truth” a tiny chance to NOT become one. 😍 ALREADY a wreck and it can only get worse. 😍 😍 😍 😍

ENTRY ANALYSIS

Alright, so as you remember, Azerbaijan NQ’d for the FIRST TIME EVER last year, with a song that was utter drivel, with a singer who openly hated her song and the style she was forced to sing in.  “Hmmm” they thought “So if we got 11th place with utter nonsense how about we... cut a little bit back on the carbs and do the same thing? That should get us 10th place”. 

The product of this flawless logic now stands before you and... err...

Honestly, I’m even wondering why I’m trying to justify any sort of thinking process behind “Truth” because I doubt there was any <3 Whatever the fuck it is, it entertains the shit out of me and in fact “Truth” is already DELIVERING LAFFOS IN SPADES and we’re only in the fucking preshow. 

Some highlights:

The Song Title  While not quite AS awful as last year’s song title, Azerbaijan once again have easily the worst one in the entire year and this year has a song called “Look Away” in it. Like, “She Got Me” is pretty awf, but that’s down to Switzerland’s incompetence and not checking whether the name “Dirty Dancing” wasn’t copyrighted before penning it (😂❤). There no reason to name this song ‘Truth‘ when a) you can barely make it out in the song b) “SHE IS A KILLER” is one of the few memorable lines IN the fucking song.

The Videoclip The VC looks pretty glam on the surface, but the making of exposed it as one of the most nonsensical, amateuristic things I’ve EVER seen in Eurovision. 😍 “Proud’s” vc is literally women in black tee-shirts yelling at the camera in various degrees of windmachine, and even that clip looks more professionally made than whatever Rocky Horror Picture Shitshow Azerbaijan are trying to serve. It absolutely DOESN’T fit with the song lmfao <3 Enjoy this related pasta I made in the Discord server I post in (It’s a collaborative effort tho lol):

The Theming It’s funny to me how Armenia and Azerbaijan mirror each other perfectly, both of their entries being incoherent messes which regale tales about toxic relationships in mangled English <3 I’m surprised the TinFoilHat Conspiracists havent posited the idea that the Armenian and Azeri songs are about each other. (just giving you some substance to chew on over your hot chocolate, since this song definitely won’t be delivering it, lol)

The Singer Azerbaijan claim that their singer is someone or something called “Chingiz”. Now I am not entirely certain whether “Chingiz” is a real living person or just a very elaborate hologram conjured up from pixels and leftover Kirkorov cartilege. ‘Dude' literally glitches out whenever ‘he’ is forced to ‘sing’: 

Though this may also be because ‘he’ visibly ‘LOATHES’ ‘his’ song <3 Then again when ‘he’ ‘sings’ a song he actually ’likes’ ‘he’ ‘does’ it like this: 

(Mahmood trying his best not to laugh at ‘him’ <3 Bless earth-angel)

In sum:

Qualification Odds: Guaranteed Qualifier

It wasn’t certain Bakustan would advance before the running order was announced, but now that we know "Truth” closes it’s become clear that it is set to become the token “SF2 Closer Who Finishes In Third Place And Then Opens The Grand Final” like his predecessors Imri and Laura Tesoro. 

‘Chingiz’ will place somewhere between the two: not quite as high as Laura did (”Truth” is fucking sub-Macedonia-level in terms of quality), but not necessarily as lowly as Imri. In this Azeri Trash Era, they have NEVER been stingy in throwing money and resources at making their staging memorable (AISEL’s sucked but I mean, that song...). I expect both staging and results similar Melovin, except better because “Truth” is better, after all 😈 (I hope you’ve enjoyed this ranking because I’ll be brutally murdered by the Melovers once this post has made it online.)

Projected Placement: 3rd-5th in the SemiFinal. WHen ‘he’ qualifies, ‘he’ will finish around 14th-20th place.