May 30, 2019
I just want my brain to stop
Just want my mind to stop
When letting go stops working
How do you pause the hamster wheel
Why is the shoe dropping
It’s not it’s not it’s not
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I just want my brain to stop
Just want my mind to stop
When letting go stops working
How do you pause the hamster wheel
Why is the shoe dropping
It’s not it’s not it’s not
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I guess I’ll always wonder about you.
I hope you are okay.
“And it’s not about the sex, it’s about that moment afterward. When the world stops. It just feels so safe, so safe.” -Greys Anatomy
God I didn’t think a quote like this would trigger me. I miss that feeling. The feeling of being so close and loved by someone. I just go day by day and most days are fine, and some days and words and quotes just hit you like a brick.
Looking back on posts I made on Tumblr and retrospectively looking at them. Saw one that was a complete lie I was fooling myself. I guess at the time it was just too difficult to face what I already knew. I always said if I ever successfully made it away from family it would make a difference and it did.
Watching anime
And all I think about is death or dying
Walls collapse
My world zooms in
This moment so breathtakingly clear
One of the rare times everything freezes
My breathing quickens
Tears well in my eyes
My mortality so real in this slice of time
Knowing that I’m going to be gone
Laughter that never comes
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Happy Fathers Day...I guess
You saved me, you named me. Being gay was where you drew the line eh?
If you had known I was going to end up gay would you have left me in the hospital too? Walked out? Said fuck my firstborn?
Like I said you either get the full daughter or none. And y’all have chosen. /golfclap Good on yah
You lied to me when you said it didn’t matter that I was gay.
Always knew this day would come.
Stings cuz I came so close
Now I just sit and wait for the shoe to drop
Trying to do everything I can
To prevent it
Scared I’m already past the point
Of no return
Did something that I cannot fix
Is it fixable
Seeing it every day
Shocks me back to reality
Stabs my heart because I stabbed first
Back to day 1 after everything
I don’t know if I’ll be able to get it back
But dammnit I’ll die trying
Trying to tell my brain to shut up
It’s not over it’s not over it’s not over it’s not over it’s not over it’s not over it’s not over