#badcoinc

As a system, we are all separate people living in one body. But the thing is, we are all separate people, with all the trappings that entails. Like for instance, some folk in here share interests, and if you were speaking to us as an outsider(aka not part of the system ) we might appear to be similar or the same person, depending on how much information you had about us, and we've worried in the past that that took away from our individuality. But if you think about it, and I have since it freakin bothered me, it makes sense that we share things, like speech patterns or interests, regardless of how you conceptualize DID/MPD/Multiplicity/Whatever.

Like for instance, speech patterns. If you believe this whole situation is caused by more than one separate soul/mind/persons/whatever sharing a body(closer to my view our situation), then you have a whole crew of people that are psychicly linked, living together all the time, sharing experiences. Of freaking course they are going to share some speech patterns. It be weird as fuck if they didn't. And you better hope they share some interest, cus if they don't they will be a shit ton of arguing.

Now if you believe something closer to the clinical definition of DID(closer to 42's viewpoint), then it still makes sense. All of the alters are made of the same base parts, which all come from a common vat of pieces. Of course they'll share some speech patters and interests, as holdovers from a time when they we're operating as a whole, or through metal meshing between pieces after the break.

Sometimes I think about aa, or flux or whatever. And I worry. I'm in this war with them, and I almost remember why we're fighting. But what its done to them. What he's given up for his folly war. A good man went to war, and war burned all the goodness out of him. We all worry about them. We're all supposed to be in this thing together. But I kinda doubt we are.

I think ss is the saddest. Just jeez, that guy is so full of energy and he wants to just do stuff, bring justice and whatever, but its like he has no power to do it with. And its so clear that it makes no sense to him why we can' just do certain things. They've become so twisted. Which I think is at least in part why we even exists as a we. Like, me, phifer, and well, canny when he was alive. Like we were/are the checks that prevent the twistedness from consuming us. Since we're, ya know, pretty normal, at least compared to the old vanguard. Which is weird, I think? I mean, as far as I understand this whole DID/MPD/Multiplicity/Whatever thing, the weirdness tends to increase as time goes on. Like, the later people who show up tend to be stranger or weirder or more, ya know, different. But that didn't happen with us. The really truly weird people who ride in here with me are the oldest ones, the ones who have the most claim on the body/existence/whatever. Is there like a reason for that? It just seems really odd to me. Whatever I guess, just trying to get this off my mind.

I wrote this a while back b/c I was mourning someone and a friend told me to write it down. So I did I guess? Whatever, I wrote a thing. It's sorta dark i guess?

This isn't a soliloquy to the color of your eyes or the curve of your neck

because to be honest I don't remember those things that well

perhaps its better that way

this is because I miss you

and yes, I probably miss you in ways that aren't “acceptable”

or normal

but then our entire existence was a long ways from normal

so perhaps that makes sense

but i do miss you

your presence made me feel less alone

I guess

and thats probably selfish

it is, its selfish

but I don't care

because after everything you did mean something to me

and now I'll placate myself with a shadow that I fear

and come with a dead mans name on my lips

and bruises on my wrists

and pretend that he fills the place you left with my eyes closed

Sorry

Ok, so for some reason my computer hasn't been letting me use tumblr recently. And Vincent has been fronting pretty much non-stop recently, so yeah...the joys of multiplicity. So anyway, I'm back right now and I'm going to post some stuff I've written in the few moments I've been able to front recently.

So, we share memories, cus if we didn't our lives would be more of an unremitting nightmare than it already is, but on occasion it can make things kinda weird.

Like for instance, today I saw a few people I know we knew, because i recognized their faces, and of course i go say hi since i don't wont us to seem like a rude asshole. But i never actually interacted with these people, I just have my 'mates memories to go off of. we've worked with two of them and lived with another one.

So of course i go up, say hi, they *hug* me, and then they launched into a discussion of how the thing we worked on was going, mentioned us getting back involved. And i'm like, yeah sure, but it was weird being interacted with as if i was someone else. I always end up wondering if they can tell the difference, which is kinda freaky. The way that they responded to us was vastly  different than what i'm used to getting, b/c the person they knew/know was really different from me.

Then i end up talking with the chick i used to live with, which was also odd. She mentioned one of the ex's of one of my 'mates, asked if i had talked to them since they were also in the space, and it took me a minute to figure out who she was talking about. And thinking about it now, i realize why she asked, since the 'mate that was dating that person was *always* with them, so it was totally logical to ask about it. But i only know that person through the weird-ass osmosis memory thing going on in here.