Summary / In which Bada writes you letters to read whenever you miss her presence
Cw / Angst, Fluff, Smut, Dom!Bada, Fem!Reader, Phone sex, ummm probably missed some, MDNI
I’m sorry that you’re feeling this way right now and that I'm not there to hold you and tell you that everything will be okay. But I can and will tell you that with the words in this letter. You know that I love you and I will keep saying it till the words dry up my throat.
I wish nothing but happiness for you but I’m also aware that bad days are inevitable and that sadness is a human emotion, which like happiness, you should be allowed to feel in all its entirety. I know it's hard right now, but allow yourself to feel sad. You’re allowed to cry, you're allowed to scream and maybe even throw something (like a pillow or teddy - don't hurt yourself). You’re feeling down and that's ok, you’re human.
I know I always say that you're perfect (to me you are, you’re literally heaven sent you’re my angel) but to the rest of the cruel world perfection isn’t possible and so you shouldn’t be too hard on yourself. I like to remind myself that sadness is an emotion. Its power is not absolute. It will come and it will go making room for other emotions such as relief, happiness, hope . . .
There will always be hope.
You are strong and you can take back control of your emotions. But allow yourself to feel them first, it doesn’t make you weak. It takes a lot of courage to face the raw and uncomfy feelings we have and I know you can do it. Go at your own pace and remember that your feelings are valid and that you are loved.
Especially by me, your loving and maybe a little bit obsessed girlfriend.
A tear dropped onto the paper. You blinked and quickly wiped your eyes, not realising that your girlfriend's heartfelt expressions had triggered an earthquake of emotions within you. Bada knew that you had a tendency to repress your emotions. She knew that when you were sad you skillfully put on a facade, a mask, and played the ideal role of the happy easy going girlfriend. You didn't want to burden anyone with how you felt. You were used to dealing with it alone and so you always did.
But Bada showed you that it was ok to not always be ok. That you didn’t have to bear it all alone. You weren’t perfect, some days you fell back into old habits and distanced yourself from her as the exhaustion from faking happiness would overwhelm you. But she was always patient and waited for you.
She showed you that you could still be loved even on your bad days.
Sobs thundered in your chest. You gripped the letter as if the words themselves would slip between the cracks of your fingers and drift away into the night. Your face grew hot with tears and you allowed yourself to be. To simply be.
Bada wasn’t here with you right now but you knew her love was.
Gentle rays of sun shine through your curtains. It illuminates your skin as it kisses it with its warmth. You sit up and raise a tired hand, attempting to shield your eyes as a loud and unflattering yawn rolls from the back of your mouth. Your hazy eyes drift towards the empty space beside you. If you stare long enough you can still see the outline of her presence, hear the whispers of her slow words thick with sleep as she would pull you closer by the waist and join her lips to yours - the sweetest of good mornings.
But now those mornings were not a reality but a memory.
Mornings like this weren’t foreign to you. It had been a couple months now and you had grown used to waking up alone. You missed Bada and this was the first time you were both spending months apart from each other. You were caught between sadness and pride. Of course you were sad but at the same time you couldn’t help but admire the achievements of your girlfriend. Bada’s popularity had skyrocketed beyond the heavens themselves and many artists and idols were reaching out to her for collaborations and such alike. You had never seen Bada glow the way she did. Joy seemed to radiate from her and your chest could barely contain the swell of your heart as it pumped in pride for her.
That is why you smiled and swallowed the lump in your throat as Bada said she was leaving behind her favourite sweatshirt, “because I know it’s your favourite too”. It is why you insisted on driving Bada to the airport and it is why the both of you held each other a little tighter that day and allowed your lips to linger a second more. Bada knew you were trying to be brave for her but that wasn’t what she wanted.
“I’ll see you real soon. Four months will fly by.” Bada said as she gently rubbed your cheek with her thumb.
“I know it will. Have the best time won’t you ? I mean, you’re touring with an idol. That's amazing.” Your voice betrayed you as a slight quiver slipped through.
Bada’s gaze saddened. “I’ll try. You know I'll miss you right ?”
A sob threatened to rise from your throat and you tried to swallow it once more.
“I’ll miss - I’ll miss you more . . .” You choked out.
Bada wrapped her arms around you and brought you to her chest, your arms locked around her sides and you swore you would need to be pried away from her. Her head rested comfortably on top of yours and she squeezed you gently.
“I’ve left you something.”
You pull back and look up at her, confusion knitted your brows. “What do you mean you’ve left me something ?”
“It’s under the bed in a shoebox. And no, it's not shoes.” She smiled down at you.
When you got back to your shared apartment you searched under the bed and immediately found the shoebox. You scoff lightly with a small smile, not believing that you didn’t notice it earlier.
You remove the top and your breath catches in your throat.
A library of letters sat in two neat rows, filling the four walls of the box. You gently run your fingers over the edge of them, sneaking glimpses of the words written on the envelopes.
‘Open when you need reassurance.’
‘Open when you want to punch your annoying coworker.’
You choke out a laugh mixed sob and tears threaten to spill. You wondered how you got so lucky to have someone like Bada in your life.
The morning sun had shifted slightly, its rays now painted your room walls a warm golden. Bada’s words stared back at you on the envelope as you traced the curves of her letters with your finger, following the path of ink as it journeyed into words.
I miss you too. Very much. I know you’ll see me on social media smiling and dancing but just know that I'm always thinking of you. I wish I could be there with you right now, to hold you and kiss you. I’m writing this before I leave but I just know that I’ll miss your kisses. Of course I will. Kissing you feels like home and I’ll miss my home. Even now as I’m writing this I’m wishing that I was kissing you. But they say absence makes the heart grow fonder. My heart will probably explode from the overflow of fondness. However, I want to apologise in advance for how busy I might get. But I promise I will do my best to talk to you. I have no idea what to expect but I imagine there will be days where our communication is sparse. But always remember that I still love you and miss you.
Please take care of your health, make sure to eat your meals and go to sleep on time. I need you to be happy and healthy when I get back.
I love you and I am counting down the days till I see my baby again.
The chime of the doorbell danced through the air and you perked up.
Your lips stretched into a smile as you bounced toward the front door, almost running. You were expecting this as it had become a weekly routine and truthfully, you were near enough befriending the delivery man who you were now seeing more frequently than some of your friends.
You swiftly swing open the door and your eager eyes meet the familiar smile of the old man but you couldn’t stop your gaze from jumping to the brightly coloured item that sat in his arms.
“Good afternoon to you.” He greeted warmly.
You smiled and returned his warmth, “Good afternoon to you too.”
He chuckled and outstretched the item toward you and you took it from his hold.
“Today's flowers are pink asters.” The man said with enthusiasm.
“They represent love and sensitivity. They're also the emblem of Venus - the goddess of love. Your girlfriend is putting all of us to shame.” The man chuckles and you watch as his crows feet deepen. You remember the way he praised Bada, saying that he has never seen such heartfelt dedication from a person.
Bada had scheduled flower deliveries each Monday because she knew that you loved flowers and also because she knew that you loathed Mondays - the man was slightly speechless. He called it young love and made a comment about how some people go through their entire lives unable to find love and that if you find it with someone - anyone - then that's a blessing you should cherish.
And you truly did. You now sit in front of the vase of flowers and you admire its beauty. If the stars themselves fell to the earth and sprouted seed this is what the result would be - vibrant hues and an explosion of petals. They were truly beautiful and your heart pulsed with love for Bada. She was your happiness.
Your gaze shifted back to the opened letter on the side and you read it once more.
“Hi baby :) Happiness looks beautiful on you.
You’re always beautiful but I love the way you gleam and radiate when you’re happy. I especially love your smile. I feel like everytime you smile a fairy is born. I hope to one day meet one of your many fairies.
But I digress, I’m happy that you’re happy. I wish I could see you and be happy right there with you. But feel free to send me pictures of your smile (many of them) and tell me in detail about what made you happy ! You know I'd love to hear all about it. I hope you continue smiling and I know that there are more happy days ahead for you. There definitely will be - you are an attractor of everything pure and joyful (and of me).
I love you lots my angel,
Open when you’re in the mood
You remember when you first saw those words on the envelope. You remember scoffing at your girlfriend, not taking it seriously. She was oceans apart from you, there’s not really much that she could do when you were feeling needy and missing her touches.
You also remember the way your brows twitched in curiosity and how you felt a subtle rise of intrigue within you at the two words written on the paper.
Though you never thought that you would find yourself in this position. The position being your legs spread apart, your two fingers stretching out your dripping cunt and Bada - on speaker phone listening to the entire thing.
“Keep touching yourself for me, princess.” Bada breathed through the phone. She had been instructing you on what to do, how fast and how slow, ordering you to not hold back your moans because she ‘wants to hear your pretty sounds’.
You’re not sure if its because of her words or because of how fucked out you were but you nearly come right then. You let out a shaky breath and slide your free hand down in between your legs, you spread yourself a little more, giving your third finger room to enter. The dull sting mixes with the sensitivity and pleasure and you hesitate.
“It only feels good when you do it.” You whine as you slowly push further, your tight hole sucking your fingers in.
“Imagine that those are my fingers. You like it when I finger fuck you, don’t you ? The way you cry out my name and grip onto me as I pound your hole.”
You grew wetter at Bada’s words.
Your fingers slide in and you begin thrusting in and out. A thin layer of sweat glistened your skin as you lay half naked on the bed with your eyes fluttering up at the ceiling. You did as Bada said. You shut your eyes and imagined that your girlfriend was there - above you with her slender fingers stroking your pussy walls. You imagined her kissing the side of your neck as she usually did, and then slowly making her way down to your chest. You imagined her taking your hardened nipple into her warm mouth, her tongue sliding against it as she licked and tasted your tits. Her free hand would then join, playing with your other mound of flesh as her mouth busied itself with the other. She would start off by teasing your nipple by ghosting over it with her thumb. She would then gently tug at it before rolling it between her fingers. You imagined her hushed words, saying something about how beautiful you were and about how good you were being for her before she would mercilessly thrust her three fingers into your cunt, her thumb teasingly brushing over your swollen clit ever so often.
The tightening of the knot in your stomach pulls you out of your fantasy and a loud moan falls from your lips. Your breaths pick up speed and a chorus of whines and whimpers flow from you as you begin to chase your climax. Your back arches and your fingers move faster, curling up as they rub against the top of your walls.
“Fuck - Fuck, Bada.” You cry out as you feel your legs begin to shake.
Bada lets out a breathless curse and you hear shuffling in the background and then a door shut.
“You coming, princess ? I wanna hear you moan my name.”
You nod your head, forgetting that she can't see you, coherent words fail to leave your mouth. Your body tenses and your walls contract around your fingers. Pleasure rushes through you and for a moment you swear you see stars. Your body trembles and your legs shake as cries and moans for your girlfriend fall from your tongue.
“You’re so hot. Fuck. I wanna see you, princess.” Bada says, voice dripping with want.
You lay breathless, fingers still nested in your aching hole as you slowly guide yourself down from your high with slow thrusts. “But you’re not - you're not in your hotel room.” You breathe out.
“I’m farther away from everyone now.” Bada said as she reassured you. “ I’m in an empty room. It's okay baby . . . Plus, this makes it hotter.”
You let out a light breathy laugh, “You’re such an exhibitionist.”
Bada chuckles, “So are you. Now let me see you, princess.”
You reach for your phone and accept the video call request. Bada emerges onto your screen and your heart flutters. You smile and bite your lip slightly. She was wearing her glasses and you had always had a thing for her in her specs. You gazed at her and the lazy smirk that sat on her pink lips.
Your cheeks grew warm and you looked away for a moment.
“Now don’t get shy on me. We’re just getting started.” Bada says with a slight raise of her brow.
“Prop your phone up against something. I wanna see you properly.”
You obeyed and you positioned your phone on top of the bedside table, angling it toward you as you sat with your knees together on the bed.
Bada drank in the sight of you, she licked her lips and you saw her gaze deepen.
“Fuck, you’re wearing my shirt. You fingered yourself in my clothes ?” Bada said as she leaned into the camera slightly. “You’re so dirty aren't you princess, such a slut for me.”
You nod and fiddle with your fingers in your lap. Your body burned with both desire and slight humiliation.
Your breath caught and your eyes widened. “What ?” You say, unsure of if you were now experiencing auditory hallucinations.
“I want you to fuck yourself with my strap. Go get it.” Bada stated coolly.
You now found yourself in another position. That position being your legs spread apart, once again, but now with Bada’s thick strap rubbing against your pussy lips, your wetness coating its length. And Bada sat watching through the camera as she once again instructed you on how she wanted you to touch yourself.
Bada stared at you hungrily with pupils blown.
“Keep rubbing your clit with it. Just like that princess. Don’t stop until you’re dripping and desperate, just how I like you.”
Your mouth hung open as you sang soft moans. You guided Bada’s strap against your clit, now swollen, as you rubbed yourself along the length of it in desperate motions.
“Bada - Bada, fuck.” You whine. “I’m close - gonna come . . .”
Bada’s smirk stretches. “Stop.”
Your eyes snap to the screen and you blink furiously. “Pleas-”
“I said stop, princess. Be a good girl for me, hm ?”
You reluctantly come to a stop, your hips slow its pace and you remove the strap from in between your legs.
“As much as I love seeing you touch yourself in my clothes, I want to see your pretty tits. Take your shirt off.”
You do as she says and pull the shirt over your head, your chest now on full display to Bada’s eager eyes.
Bada lets out a breathless curse as her eyes roam your body. “You’re heavenly.”
Your heart flutters at your girlfriend's words.
“Now spread your legs for me and fuck yourself with my strap.”
You moved closer to the camera and positioned yourself in front of Bada’s waiting gaze. You leaned back on one arm and parted your legs, your aching cunt now on show. You guided her strap along your pussy lips coating it with your juices. You hum slightly and a whimper leaves your lips as you gently push in the tip of the strap.
Your eyes flicker back to the screen and you swear you've never seen Bada’s gaze as intense as it was.
“Just like that. Stretch yourself out good for me.”
You sink onto Bada’s strap and your cunt clenches around it. You begin slow motions of gentle thrusting and then throw your head back as you feel the tip hit a particular spot within you walls - cries falling from your lips.
“Fuck. I wish I was there, baby. Gonna fuck you into the mattress when I get back.”
And you knew that was a promise she intended to keep.
It had been nearly a week since your last proper conversation with Bada. You were both busy and had been adjusting to the constant changes of time zone differences. It was becoming a little draining for the both of you but the daily little check ups and good morning and night messages cushioned the pain. It was the little things that kept you going all this time but you were beginning to crave a little more attention from your girlfriend.
Bada, on the other hand, was becoming stressed. Rehearsals were tough and the jetlag exhausted her. Simultaneously, Bada was also worried about you. She was aware that the communication between the both of you had dwindled recently and she knew you did your best to work with her schedule but she also knew that deep down you were hurting because of it. Bada was beginning to feel inadequate and she carried the blame.
That is why she regretted it as intensely as she did when those harsh words flew from her mouth that one evening.
“You’re suffocating me. You know how busy I am and honestly right now I need some space.”
Bada’s words were like ice to your ears and you felt the frost of her tone bite and sting you. You shivered, slightly taken aback by her words.
“Oh . . . Okay then. No worries, see you.”
You stared into space for a moment. Numbness spreading over you as you swallow your sorrow.
Your phone vibrates and you force your heavy eyes to look over to it. You see Bada’s contact flash on your screen. You scoff and deny the call before putting your phone on do not disturb.
The moon peers at you through your window and you only hope that she’s gazing at you with empathy. She too was worlds apart from her lover, unable to meet. Tears brim in your eyes and you blink them away.
The sun rises and you soon follow. You turn on your phone and then turn off do not disturb only to find countless missed calls and messages from Bada pleading for your forgiveness. Your heart pangs and you decide to respond.
“I just woke up. Went to bed early last night.” You type and hit send before tossing your phone onto the bed.
You were still a little sad. You felt dejected and you felt unwanted. Perhaps you were a little pushy, but all you wanted was to speak to your girlfriend. You sigh as you stare into the mirror at your deflated reflection. A small box under your bed then catches your attention and you find yourself kneeling to pick it up.
You had gone though nearly half of them by now but you had yet to open this particular one.
I don’t know what we fought about but that doesn’t matter because I apologise for making you upset. I would never intentionally hurt you but sometimes I can be a dummy and I make mistakes. So I'm sorry baby. I hate seeing you upset or angry and especially if I'm the cause. I want to thank you for still staying with me all this time regardless. Everyday I'm still learning and growing and everyday I'm thankful that I get to do that by your side. We are two imperfect people but we make a perfect pair if you ask me. I know sometimes you also make mistakes but I forgive you. I will always forgive you. When we fight we showcase our room for growth as a couple and as individuals. We disagree sometimes but that is normal. There’s nothing wrong with you and nothing wrong with us. I still love you baby. I always will.
Just as you finish reading your phone vibrates and you look to see Bada's name on the screen.
“Good morning baby. I’m sorry about last night. You’re not suffocating. I'm just really stressed right now but I promise it’s not because of you. It will never be you.” Her message read.
Your lips pouted slightly and you typed back, “I'm sorry too. I know I can be extra clingy sometimes. But please don’t feel pressured to always respond. Take out time for yourself too, it’s okay. I’ll always be here.”
On the other end Bada let out a small breath of relief and finally allowed her body to relax. She read over your words and her heart yearned for you.
Another message pings through and Bada breaks out in the first genuine smile that week.
“Btw your letter was cute. I’ll always love you too.”
Open when it’s our anniversary
The chime of the doorbell rang through the apartment and your brows twitched in puzzlement. You double checked the day - it wasn’t a Monday - so weren't expecting any deliveries. You also were not expecting any visitors. Regardless, you make your way over to open the door.
Before you stood none other than the delivery man. Who boasted the widest of grins as he held out a wonderful arrangement of flowers toward you.
You stand, mouth slightly agape as you take in the beauty of the blossoms before you. The sweet aromas danced through the air.
Today was your anniversary with Bada and you had both planned to video call later that night. You knew Bada was busy and that she was gearing up for the finale of the tour later that week, so you were grateful that she cleared out a few hours of her schedule to spend with you. But you had not expected anything like this.
“Your girlfriend really outdid herself with this one.” He chuckled as you took the bouquet into your arms, its sheer size competed with the top half of your body. You poke your head around the bouquet and you smile back. “It’s our anniversary. I had no idea she scheduled flowers for today - and flowers this big. I’m so sorry you had to carry this.” You say with a meek laugh.
“Nonsense. It's my pleasure.” The old man waves his hand, swatting away your words. “You have grown to become me and my wife's favourite customers - both you and your girlfriend. We’re honoured that she chose our small flower store and made all those orders. So please, it’s not a problem my dear. I hope to see you both around sometime and feel free to stop by, my wife would love to meet the lovely lady that she picks flowers for.”
Your heart warms and you nod your head, “Of course. I’d love to stop by. But I'll see you on Monday won’t I ?”
The man shakes his head, “This is my last delivery dear.”
You frown slightly and you feel your mood dampen. “But why ?”
You step out into the hallway and your head spins to the direction it came from.
Bada walked toward you. Your eyes scanned her tall frame, her oversized shirt that draped around her body, her grey baggy sweatpants that hung from her hips and her wide and comforting smile that plastered her face.
That was your girlfriend. And she was home.
You ran towards her and she met you halfway, scooping you and the large bouquet into her arms before spinning you around. You laugh and you cry. Trails of tears fall as happiness overtakes you.
“You’re back ?!” You exclaim as you hastily wipe your face.
Bada gazes down at you with the fondest of eyes. “For now, yes. Happy anniversary baby.”
She leans down to gently press her lips to yours.
The old man chuckles in delight, “Congratulations to the both of you. I expect to see you both at my shop very soon.”
You and Bada grin and you wish him well after agreeing to pay him and his wife a visit.
Your head remains in a daze and you squint your eyes at Bada, unsure of if you were now experiencing visual hallucinations.
Bada laughs as she puts down her suitcase, “What ?”
You fold your arms, “You’re really here ?”
“I might have told a little white lie . . .”
You whine and gently smack her arm causing her to laugh even more.
“And all those flowers you’ve been sending . . . and the letters ?” You pout slightly. “I don’t deserve you.”
Bada steps closer and takes your chin between her thumb and index. “You deserve everything and more. There was no way I wasn’t going to see you on our two year anniversary. I planned to be here from the very start.”
You look up at her and you hold her gaze. “You did ?”
Bada hums. “I did. However, I'll be catching a flight back tomorrow but by the end of the week I'll be home for good.”
You nod your head in understanding and Bada smiles down at you before leaning in to bridge the gap between your lips. Your arms rest around her shoulders and hers on your waist, her grip firm as she gently caresses your skin with her thumb. You part your lips and tilt your head, Bada hums against your mouth before slipping her tongue through your lips - deepening the kiss.
Moments pass and you are forced to come up for air. Bada then rests her forehead against yours.
“You read today's letter yet ?” She mutters softly.
You gently shake your head, “Not yet. I was about to but then the doorbell rang.”
Bada smiled and took your hand into hers.
Bada now sat beside you on the bed with the letter in hand.
“To my princess, my baby, my best friend and to the love of my life,
Happy Second Anniversary <3
Happy 730 days of us and of our love. These 730 days are just the beginning because I know that we have a lifetime ahead of us. Thank you for staying with me, for being with me despite my shortcomings. Thank you for being my best friend, my confidant and thank you for loving me back.
You truly are an angel walking this earth and I sometimes wonder if heaven misses you. I’m prepared to put up a fight because now that I have you - not even Zeus himself could pry me away from you. Nothing on earth nor in the heavens above could taint the love that I have for you. Know that my heart belongs to you and that I am ready to cross whatever seas that may lie between us.
I’ll see you soon my love.
You were at a loss for words and watched as Bada neatly folded the letter and placed it back into its envelope. She then looked at you and gently took your hand intertwining your fingers.
“I love you so much.” You whisper, afraid that your voice would fail you.
“I love you more my princess.” Bada pulled you closer and then set you on her lap.
You gaze down at her and she peers up at you, her fingers ghost over your thigh, tracing lazy shapes over the fabric covering your skin. Sparks of electricity shoot through you and you lick your lips slightly. Bada’s gaze intensifies. Her hands now slowly creep up your shirt, your warm skin under her fingertips.
“I’ve missed you.” You breathe out, gravity pulling you in.
“I’ve missed you too.” Bada’s hands lingered as they explored the familiar territory that was your curves.
You shudder and your breath picks up.
“Wanna show me how much ?” You say softly.
Bada’s lips stretched into a slight smirk but her eyes overflowed with love.
“Of course baby. I’m gonna take my time with you . . . Missed you so much.”
Bada kept her promise and she took her time with you, exploring the work of art that she swore had no price.
Your body, your soul - you.
Author’s note / Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed <3 Feel free to send me requests of letters that you’d like to see Bada write . . . Totally down to do more of those :3
Tag list / @princhii , @lil-elliesgf , @wiselight , @nimxie , [Open]
