#bad drinks

[Image description: Comic panel showing Sylvester Pemberton aka Skyman holding a glass of bubbly drink and saying: "This All-California Punch is my own patented recipe, people - Champagne, Orange Juice, and Avocado Dip." A speech bubble from someone off page says: "Yechhh!" in disgust. End description.]

YOU KNOW IT, YOU LOVE IT: SYL'S BAD DRINK! COME CLOSER, EVERYONE AND HEAR THE NEWS: A BUNCH OF WEIRDOS HAVE MADE IT!

Started by @slutvester-pemberton in this post here (Link), where we all voted for her to experience the horror. Folks, she did it! She made the drink!

Ingredients used: Orange juice, champagne, Taco Bell avocado ranch.

Looked: Orange juice with floating ranch. Really unappetizing.

Taste: "It's not that bad, actually!" "It’s just the texture that gets me."

Verdict: Is this what Syl intended?

Due to debate over the inclusion of Avocado Ranch, I decided to also make my own version. I substituted every ingredient except for the Avocado.

Ingredients used: Mango-Orange-Apple juice mix (it was on sale and the pure orange juice was way too expensive), bubbly water (I don't drink alcohol), fresh avocado

Looked: Very green.

Taste: Literally just a bland smoothie. Texture is fine.

Verdict: Just made a bad smoothie 😔

Then I convinced my sweet little asparagus @kiseiakhun to make it and they did!

Ingredients used: Orange juice, Off-Brand Champagne, Avocado (lots), lemon juice, salt, yogurt, onion, garlic, more wine and orange juice,

Looked: Watery guac

Taste: "This mostly tastes like orange juice", "The avocado is invisible", "added some lemon juice and that made it better", "I added some yogurt and it did not make the eating experience better but it did make it taste more like a dip", "I actually just had to add more wine and orange juice in because it was losing its flavor", "The orange juice is having a strange reaction with the other flavours and cancelling Everything out", "Okay false alarm turns out it was the carrots I was eating it with", "Okay that dip was actually really good. I ate it all"

Verdict: JUST MADE BOOZY GUAC

[Image description: Discord message by Little Asparagus ( @kiseiakhun ) reading: WAIT I THOUGHT IT SAID DIP

I JISY CHECKED THE SCREENSHOT AGAIN

If this was a drink it would taste like nothing. My version is better. Suck it sylvester. Get on my level. End description.]

So overall, in our experiences: This isn't that bad, the team is just cowards. Also: The Champagne is loadbearing and you should not sub it out. Use a blender to improve the texture. Using the ranch was a stroke of genius, because it's really really bland otherwise.

celestial seasonings morning thunder* tea bag + unspiced apple cider

*which, for the uninitiated, is itself comprised of black tea + yerba maté

methodology: 1/3 cup hot apple cider, 2/3 cup freshly boiled water, brew the tea bag in that.

Swamp Water

I thought I'd never make this drink for myself, so when a guest asked for it at the bar, I had to take a photo. I'm not surprised that a drink with an unappealing name like Swamp Water came from Florida or Louisiana, where it is still popular. But by now there's many recipes for this monster cocktail. All of them are so sweet that there's a danger of tooth decay as well as intoxication.

Notice the toxic blue-green of this drink. If that doesn't scare you, nothing will.  

2 oz. dark rum

1/2 oz. blue curacao

1 1/2 oz. orange juice

1/2 oz. lemon juice

Just one sip was all Sirius needed to grimace. The drink was disgusting, and he swallowed it reluctantly. “Alright, who made this?” He shook his head. “You put way too much gin.” Sirius, a bartender for some months now, knew how to make a good drink, and this wasn’t it.

the Ultimate Low Down Jersey Shore Clearout - Pabst blue ribbon beer and metamucil