Yesterday I went to a Casting Director (CD) Workshop and it was pretty standard but really good for me as I haven't been to one in over a year. The CD had me read the commercial copy a few times and gave me feedback. It was really good feedback and I adjusted accordingly. Afterwards the CD spoke to me about a by-invite-only class that they facilitate where Boutique agents are brought in at the end of the course. I was really excited for two reasons:
1. This CD casts a range of work from indie film to commercials. Their IMDB page is current, relevant and always on fire!
2. Some of my immediate goals will require representation and I don't want to sign with an agent who may have a few of "my type" on their roster.
After leaving the workshop I immediately begin to crunch numbers in my brain. Trying to figure out how I plan on paying for that upcoming workshop as well as a session with a dope coach that I signed up to take in November. Lest we not forget my bills (i.e. rent, phone, internet etc...). So I'm walking towards the train station and when I look to my right I see a bunch of people standing around a stage door patiently waiting for some Superstar. Naturally I take my nosey behind over to the action and about 3 minutes later Tom Mison, Ichabod Crane from Sleepy Hollow, comes out. Everyone is screaming for Tom to come their way and the camera's are going off. And I think to myself "Oh em gee, this will be me soon... Right God!?!?"
Back to mission "take my behind home" and Doubt begins to creep in like a thief in the night.
"What if this entire acting thing doesn't work out?"
"What if you pay for this class and none of the agents call you in for a meeting?"
"What if the CD never calls you in to audition?"
"Makeda, let's be real here... You got one good ankle and ain't nobody fittin' to hire 'broke ankle girl'?"
"Where are you going to get the money to pay for all of this???"
Maaaaaan, Doubt came in... found a comfy couch... sprawled out and set up shop like it was Shonda Thursdays.
I finally get home and of course I feel like shit. I proceed to order some good food, make a peach bellini and it hits me "Doubt is a bitch and I shall deal with it as such." So how do I deal with a Bitch or bitch ass behavior!?!?! First I ignore it. If that doesn't work, I deal with as diplomatically as I possibly can. Still not working, welp my final resort is to cuss and carry on like a mad woman.
Luckily for Doubt, a good talking to was all it needed. "Listen here my dear, I need you to have several seats. No, no, no... not on this comfy couch. This couch is reserved for CONFIDENCE, CERTAINTY, TRUST & FAITH! I'm on my make this shit happen flow and I cannot and will not allow you to take up space or energy. Begone ho! And in the future please don't come for me unless I send for you!!"
And just like that, Doubt disappeared. Who knew it would be that easy??? Because it's never been that easy. I guess when you're at the bottom and you're feeling like there's no where to go but UP your tolerance level for bullshit is really low.
Feeling good right now... and signing off to continue to make some things happen.
