#back*

Him being silent, awkward with timing, struggling to form words of his own thoughts, easily distracted, fixating on the infection (not cure. INFECTION). Are some that can easily come to my head

Anon pls

I had a long running modern day AU head canon thing wherein Arthur was in Paris representing the UK on some matter or another (his actual position, and what he was there for, is irrelevant) and Napoleon was a member of the French government (which ministry he'd be in changes for me on the regular since he'd be a good fit for a few of them - regardless, he's in a very senior position) and due to Shenanigans and Situations and a bit of a rooftop drunken party they end up shacking up and Arthur's family is shocked and appalled and Napoleon's siblings are all like "god you're a mess, Napoleone, and really? an Englishman?" though his mother would be Very Catholic(tm) about it all. His father wouldn't care because Carlo was a bit of a chaotic lush.

(I have it that he was married to Josephine but she died within the last two to three years of something unexpected and he's now single-dad-ing it with their kids.)

Murat is all, 'Welcome to the family. They're going to give you a really hard time for the next ten years then they might accept you. Maybe. Though as an Englishman, maybe not.' Turns to Napoleon, 'Really?? An Englishman?? The least you could have done was date a Scotsman or something. The only reason my kids are learning English is because I believe in knowing thy enemy.' (Napoleon, sotto voce: it's not the one hundred years war anymore. christ.)

Arthur is like, 'See, at least people talk about things in this family. If in a sort of terribly Corsican, over the top, wow-that-didn't-need-to-be-put-quite-like-that fashion. My mother texted me: You shall arrive promptly for Christmas dinner. You know the size of the family dining table and so therefore there's only one spot being set for you. And that's literally all the communication I've received about the entire matter.'

Murat: Holy shit. Savage.

Arthur, 'Napoleon, meanwhile, had fifteen family conference calls about it. There was some yelling. My Italian isn't very good, but I think he was called a Little Slut by Jerome then your wife said "at least he's not Austrian like that one mistake you dated".'

Murat, 'I know, I was on them.'

Arthur, 'You should do family zoom calls. Then you can see the facial expressions he's making through it all.'

Pauline and Elise are the only nice, normal ones (aside from Hortense and Eugene and the younger generation more broadly). Caroline just thinks it's hilarious. Joseph is nice by dint of not really caring. He's just like, 'mama, we all saw what he was like in university.' and Letizia is like, 'at least he married and had children before going all peculiar. At least I have grandchildren. Even if he was married to a woman I didn't approve of.'

Joseph:

Joseph: you have so many grandchildren.

Joseph: also you approve of almost no one's spouse.

Lucien, like Murat, is appalled that it's an Englishman. He's like, 'brother, brother, I know some very nice French artists and writers. Let me introduce you to them.' and Napoleon is like, 'your friends are all pretentious freaks, Lucien, you know that right?'

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sorry the entire thing becomes a comedy of errors almost immediately

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anyway! Murder fairies! I love the idea of a modern AU with murder fairies. OOooooooh, they're visiting England because Napoleon wants to go on a walking tour because he's outdoorsy like that and enjoys walks and nature.

Queue some fucked up murders.

Also Arthur's family being Posh(tm) and English(tm). (Anne is like: I'm trying to accept this. I'm trying to be good about this. Arthur is all: can you try harder? Granted, you're doing better than literally everyone else. Gerald just lectured me about God.)

Napoleon: not sure what i'm scared more of: the murder fairies or your mother.

Richard: at least I'm not the one with the fucked up love life for ten minutes!

Arthur: Richard, you are not helping.

OR

it's in Paris, there's political stuff happening in the background and then people start experiencing some weird things. Reflections in the mirrors are blurry about the edges. People think they see things then turn around and there's nothing behind them. Bumps in the night.

There's something about making big cities super claustrophobic that I like. Atmospheric countryside is really fun, and I love the ease in which it allows you to drop into the gothic, but there's something especially horrifying in being in a busy place full of people and still the creatures can get you.

Also, the fact that the murder fairies access our realm via mirrors and dreams means there's no real escape.

With modernity, well, we're all carrying mirrors at any given moment since cellphones are reflective surfaces. Also something with the selfie camera would be hell of a lot of fun.

Also the murder fairies wear people's skin as their glamour so you never actually know if who you're talking to is the person or the fairy.

But there's so much potential with modern technology.

Murder fairies infest the metro. You descend down to get on the metro at Rennes or whatever and when the train pulls up the reflection in the windows as they pass by shows a murder fairy behind you and when you turn around it's just the crowd.

Fun fun fun!! Fun for the whole family!

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excerpt from my own murder fairy story that has yet to see the light of day:

The other fairies move forward, two already have swords drawn. The king holds up a hand and they stop their advance. A smile full of teeth. I see what your plan is. The king steps forward. Napoleon does his best to look down at the king whilst looking up. I had hoped you would be willing as Peredur was willing. Magic is stronger when the healing gift is freely given, but I will take what I need. 'How will this work?' Napoleon asks, sweating. The heat overwhelms. Sharp cracks of rock splitting slice air. 'If it is me you need, my own leg never fully healed, just as yours doesn't seem to want to heal. Mapping mine over yours won’t make it better. And your wound doesn’t mean your kingdom is wounded or must suffer. I believe that some power of kingship comes embodied in the person himself, but much of it extends beyond the mere physical form. Yes, the monarch represents the land and the people, but if you are wounded, and you allow that to determine the quality of your kingship, to control your actions, dictate and consume your leadership, you were never fit to rule in the first place. That right belongs to someone else.' This is not your world and it does not operate by your rules. My land is bound to my body. If I am wasted away, so is my land. You have seen where it is barren. 'Even if that is so, I can't heal you. My body, my skin, will not heal you. No one's body can heal you. Didn't you remain wounded when you took Arthur's appearance? Percival’s? If so, that was no healing. It was applying a bandage to something requiring stiches.' You cannot know that. ‘I am not your Percival. You are not my fisher king.' The king shakes his head in a pitying manner. Reaching forward, he wraps a clawed hand around Napoleon's neck and lifts him up as if he were nothing but a rag doll. [...] The fisher king was healed by the Grail question. But that is legend, and this is real life. Real life where a woman is on fire, ripping apart a bridge. Real life where a fairy is strangling him. Real life where he dangles two feet off the ground fast heading towards unconsciousness. Napoleon tries for air, tries for the question, 'what is it that troubles—' Searing pain across stomach. Everything is stars, blurred shapes, sharp colours. He thinks he might be screaming. Movement. He is aware of being thrown. Hard rock. Searing hot rock. He feels it through clothes. His hands hold coiled intestines. He thinks he should ask for opium. He thinks it fitting he'd die on a bridge with stomach cut open. It’s poetic and his life has always been something of a romance.