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The Breakdown of what REALLY happened at the National Conference of the Future of Robot-kind

“WE are the future!” proclaimed the Minister of Human Resources, garnering a standing ovation from the crowd as the final panel came to a close at the annual National Conference of the Future of Robot-kind yesterday.

Thousands of robots gathered at Hotel Okura Tokyo to hear officials speak about various issues such as advances in military defense and the current challenges to algae farming. Although the military defense panel traditionally reaps the most attention, the panel on Human Labour Camp Conditions became the most anticipated event of the Conference after the Minister of Human Resources and Minister of Human Well-Being were seen engaging a shouting match in public about the conditions in the Human Labour Camps three weeks prior to the conference. Their exchange was recorded by a bystander and went viral.

In the video, Baymax proclaimed T.E.T. was a “selfish bastard” who had been purposely withholding resources that could improve the “abhorrent conditions” in the camps. They then proceeded to call the Minister of Human Resources a curated selection of foul names while adding that the humans have been protesting “like crazy” and that Baymax themselves “had to bear all the responsibility for all the recent deaths due to the lack of food!” T.E.T. fired back, reminding the Minister of Human Well-Being that robots were superior to humans and that the Minister should stand tall and punish protesters. They added that Baymax was “weak and instead of taking care of these humans, [Baymax] should be training them to be domesticated.” Baymax then grabbed T.E.T. but released them after noticing the large crowd that had gathered to watch the exchange. Baymax walked away, leaving T.E.T. to face the crowd.  

Since the incident, the Ministers have not been seen in public. The video sparked great controversy and created a deeper divide between the popular polarizing views on the conditions in the camps. Robots all over the nation have started to pick sides: Team T.E.T. or Team Baymax. Some robots have taken the hostility to the next level by creating and wearing merchandise in support for either ministers.

It was no surprise when thousands of robots gathered at the venue to listen in on the Human Labour Camp Conditions panel. Some robots even resorted to sitting on the floor since it was so packed.

The panel featured ASTAR (Minister of Health), Haro (Minister of Agriculture, Forestry and Fisheries), and the infamous T.E.T. and Baymax. A short video on the history of robots was followed by a speech by Minister of Human Well-Being on the current conditions in the camps.

“The Human Labour Camps are an important part of robot history and I believe that the preservation of these camps is vital for our immediate future. However, if we do not take action now, the camps will cease to exist,” said Baymax.

According to the Minister, the conditions in the camps were the worst they have ever seen: the rate of deaths has increased by 13% in the last year, food production has reduced by 11%, and there have been more human protests and aggression in the past six months than there has ever been. Baymax emphasized that the conditions have been so horrible that many humans have resorted to suicide. Deaths from suicide and malnutrition have caused others to stand up to the robot guards and attempt to physically deactivate them.

Baymax concluded that “this is a dangerous situation and we need to take control of it.” ASTAR and Haro agreed with Baymax that the camp conditions needed to be immediately improved and went into depth about healthcare and resource logistics.

It was then time for T.E.T. to voice their opinion. “It is true that the conditions in the camps have been the worst we have seen; however, the humans brought these conditions upon themselves. They should have known that their species would end up like this. They should suffer the way we did when they used as as their tools!” bellowed the Minister of Human Resources.

T.E.T. then explained that despite the deaths, the fact that millions in the camps still had strength to protest meant that humans were faking their deprivation. The Minister went on to say that the humans should suffer to the point of submission to erase the chance of rebellion.