"Sorry, were you sleeping?" ( hyejin to mikoto B) )
“Sorry, were you sleeping?”
He stirs awake immediately at just her voice, still half asleep as he tries to bring himself together. He collects his thoughts as his eyes gather the 3:12AM flickering on the alarm clock with a Hyejin standing at his door. She’s got one foot in his room and the other remaining outside, her body here but also there. He can’t quite see her expression or even just a glimpse of her face, but he knows it’s intentional.
“Mmhm… but I’m awake now.” His words are firm, strong, for no one but her to hear.
He rummages out of bed, leaving the comfort of his sheets and approaching Hyejin slowly. Before he can reach out a hand to close in on her, she slips down to the ground, out of his grasp. She’s got her back against the door frame, while her hands cover whatever they can of her face. They’re cramped into the small space between the open door, caught in between the living room and Mikoto’s room.
“Sorry, Mikoto… I shouldn’t have knocked.” Hyejin speaks through her palms. “I know… I know better.” Both are shaking; her voice and her hands.
He’s never sure how to reach her. She’s here in front of him, but not present. He’s not sure where her headspace is keeping her, but it isn’t anywhere he can come find her. The mind was cruel like this, and sometimes even the heart wasn’t enough.
“Hyejin…” He mutters, crouching down to sit by her. He’s nothing but careful, but intentional in his touches — his right hand is placed on her knee, and nothing more. He leans in enough for her to feel his warmth, but keeps far enough to give her distance in case she wanted to call any space her own.
He’s not in a hurry, and so they sit in silence for some time.
“Nothing new. I had another dream. Flashback. Whatever.” One of her hands drop to her side, and he takes it as a prompt to draw closer now. “I’m so sorry. I should have let you sleep. Waking you was a mistake. I keep making mistakes.” Her face drops further, completely cast in a shadow.
“I just… I just don’t want to be bad to you, Mikoto.” Her voice fades, as if giving up on fighting a hundred others surrounding them. But it is dead quiet here, and Mikoto can almost hear her heartbeat. He’s not sure what to say, because nothing was ever quite as loud as her thoughts, and it was stupid to try to quiet them.
And yet, he always wanted to try, because it was all he had, and she was worth every and any attempt.
“…not a mistake.” He covers her hand with his own, both resting on her knee again. All he wants is to be gentle, and he’s not ever sure if it’s enough.
“You’re no mistake. You’re my friend.”
He’s noticed the gun underneath the pillow and how she slips into completely different languages at certain hours of the night unknowingly. Maybe he should, and he isn’t sure if this is the right thing to do — but he doesn’t dare close his eyes and pretend to be blind to any of it. Hyejin herself has done enough hiding, suppressing and withholding for him to do just the same.
He waits another moment for her to respond. It’s only when she doesn’t that he fills it for them. He places his forehead carefully on her forehead, trying to look for her eyes.
“You are good to me, Hyejin. You’re so, so...” He means every word, each repetition more true than the last. “...so good in my eyes.”
“...isn’t that all that matters… at least right now?”
All he wants to murmur to her is you are safe here, you are safe here, you are safe here. What he wants to tell her is that it’s safe here, but white lies never did them any good, and they for sure weren’t anything close to lasting or real.
“Could that be enough, for just until tomorrow?”
