#azrielshadowsingerweek

Elain wanted to just crawl under a rock and let the world go on without her. Because how did one move on when the man they loved was marrying somebody else? Every time she thought about the fact that her best friend, A.K.A. the love of her life, running off to the Illyrian Steppes tomorrow to marry his fiancé, she felt this pain in her chest, like a dagger was trying to puncture its way out and made it hard for her to breathe.

Her family ran around her to finalize their packing when said male stopped directly in her line of vision.  

His warm, scarred palms gripped her upper arms, thumbs brushing over the exposed skin from her t-shirt. “I can’t believe you aren’t coming to my wedding.” Azriel’s face looked almost disappointed.

Well, that made two of them. Actually, she was far past disappointed.

She was devastated.

“I know, I’m sorry.” Elain wasn’t. Not sorry in the slightest. She couldn’t go watch him marry somebody else.

“Come to Illyria with us. Please? I want you there.”

His words cut her straight to the heart and she had to choke down the ache in her throat that threatened to make tears run down her cheeks. “I can’t.”

Those hazel eyes pleaded with her. “You can. I can’t not have my best friend at my wedding, El. Please come.”

Fuck him and trying to manipulate her with that comment. Elain pulled herself from his grasp. “I can’t. I have to work,” she said stubbornly.

Challenge flared on his face. “Call in sick. You’re only missing two days.”

The room went silent as their family watched their little interaction. Elain hated this the most. How he chose to do this in front of everyone else instead of in private. It was unlike him, to pick a time when the others were present and bring this conversation up. He must’ve thought he could convince her to come if she felt pressured to go with everyone observing.

It only made her double down on her reservations.

“No. I can’t just leave Ceriddwen and Nuala on their own. You know how my boss is. Besides, Feyre needs me. Rhys hates leaving her behind but she can’t fly at seven months pregnant. She needs me here.”

Elain saw the defeat pass over his expression.

Azriel sighed, eyes looking sad. “Fine. I’ll see you when I get back.” Seemingly without thought, he brushed his thumb over the apple of her cheek and then swept from the apartment like a shadow on the breeze.

Her face tingled from where he touched her and she felt every single pair of eyes branding on the back of her figure. Not able to take the sad looks, the pity of her family, Elain went into her bedroom without a word and silently clicked the door shut behind her. Only once she was securely inside did she let the tears fall as she wept for her broken heart.

~~~

Elain and Feyre ate the Cassian special—two pizzas—in silence, having already gone through the argument of if they should talk about that conversation with Azriel before he had left.

“I’m just saying, it seemed like it hurt him to not have you there,” Feyre queried, taking another slice of pizza from the box.

She scoffed. “Well, I guess we can’t all get what we want now, can we.”

Her sister blinked at the hostility. “What’s going on with you, Ellie?”

Fuck her, she didn’t want to talk about this. “Nothing.”

“Cut the bullshit. We had all thought that when Az told you that he loved you, you two—”

“When he what?” she cut her off, gaping.

Feyre blinked. “At your birthday last year. He was planning on telling you he loved you.” Her face went from realization to utter horror. “Oh my god, he didn’t tell you because you showed up with—”

“With Lucien,” Elain breathed, her stomach turning with nausea. The red-headed man had been nothing but a mistake that lasted five months. They weren’t compatible in the slightest romantic-wise, but they did make out to be good friends. “Azriel was going to tell me he loved me?”

“Fuck, I shouldn’t have said that. Oh my, he is going to kill me.” Feyre buried her face in her hands.

She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t think. Her heart was beating so fast she thought it might go into cardiac arrest. Azriel loved her. Was going to tell her he loved her. But he didn’t, because she had been so blindingly stupid. And by the time she ended things with Lucien, he had met her.

Gwyn.

A nice girl.

Nesta’s friend.

Elain had no real particular feelings for her. Other than the fact that she was marrying the man she loved.

And she needed to stop it.

She didn’t think, she just moved, running for her room and started throwing things into her bag. Clothes, undergarments, a dress, shoes, toiletries. Whatever she could find, she packed. Grabbing her passport, she emerged from her bedroom to a wide-eyed Feyre.

“What—where are you going?” she demanded.

“I have to tell him I love him,” she said determined as she made her way towards the door.

Her sister gaped. “Elain! He’s marrying somebody else! Somebody he loves! You can’t do this to him.”

She whirled. “He deserves to know!”

A very pregnant Feyre pushed herself off the couch and advanced on her. “What do you think is going to happen? That he’s going to end things with Gwyn? That he’ll tell you that he loves you too?”

“I’ll figure it out when I get there,” she told her, voice clouding with emotion. She had to do this. She had to tell him before it was too late.

Feyre’s eyes turned hard. “You’re just going to hurt him, Elain. You’re not a cruel person, but doing this, going there to tell him now…this is cruel.”

She felt the words like her sister had struck her. Tears welled in her eyes even as her heart told her she had to do this—had to see him. “I have avoided my heart for too long, Feyre. I’m finally going to listen to it. And you’re not going to stop me.”

Without another word, she slammed the apartment door behind her.

~~~

Elain found the temple on top of Mount Ramiel easily enough. She wasn’t expecting half of it to be crumbling like it was being torn down, but she disregarded that as she searched for Azriel.

She knew Feyre likely had called Rhys and told her she was on the way and that both he and Cassian would try and stop her in her endeavors to tell Azriel how she felt. So, as she made her way through the temple, she kept to the shadows, crept down the halls, and avoided anyone who would alert them to her presence.

But when she found him, all of her plans came to a screeching halt. Because there he was, in his tux looking as handsome as ever, hugging Gwyn in the middle of where the ceremony was going to take place.

Her stomach dropped at seeing the special, intimate moment between them, but she was frozen—couldn’t seem to get her feet to move, to turn around and leave before he saw her.

“Oh!” Gwyn seemed to realize what she was doing. “You aren’t supposed to see the bride in her wedding gown before the ceremony. It’s bad luck.”

Az chuckled, and gods, it was the sound she loved so much. It cut her straight to the heart, though it wasn’t nearly the same sound that Elain was able to pull from him. “I think we can call this the ‘first look’ and avoid that issue, can’t we?”

She reached out to touch his cheek, a soft smile playing on her lips. “I think that will work.” Her fingers brushed his jaw. “I’ll see you at the altar.” Gwyn strode for the door behind her, not having seen her.

Azriel watched her go, smiling before he turned and halted, mouth hanging open as he finally saw her standing there.

“Elain,” he breathed like he couldn’t believe it. “You’re here.”

She swallowed the horrid lump in her throat. Feyre had been right. This was a mistake. An awful, huge, horrendous mistake. “I am,” she choked out.

He took three long strides and swept her into his arms, hugging her like he hadn’t seen a more wonderful sight in years.

Her chest fractured. She shouldn’t have come. And now she couldn’t do anything but lie to his face. “I couldn’t miss my best friend getting married, now could I?” The words were like acid on her tongue. She wanted to take them back, tell him how she felt. But after seeing that moment with Gwyn, Elain knew she couldn’t. It was wrong. He was happy. And how could she be the one to break that?

So, she’d break hers instead.

But Azriel knew her better than she knew herself. His hazel eyes assessed her face, mouth drew into a frown. “Are you all right? You look upset.”

Damn him. “Fine.” She begged her lips to quirk up a bit. “Just jetlagged.”

It looked like he wanted to pick at it more, but somebody else called her name.

“Elain.” Pure, unrelenting command filled that voice.

They looked up to find Rhys staring at them, his eyes regarding their closeness carefully.

She knew what he was trying to figure out. If she had told Azriel the truth. So, she pulled back. “I’m going to freshen up before the ceremony. Don’t want to smell like an airplane on your big day. I’ll see you soon.” Elain left Azriel standing there and went towards her brother-in-law, who put his arm around her shoulder to guide her from the room.

Once out of earshot, he asked her, “Did you tell him?”

“No.”

Rhys let out a breath. “I’m sorry, Elain.”

Not wanting to talk about her failed love life, she kept her mouth shut and let her tears fall down her cheeks.

He escorted her to the groomsmen’s area so she could change and clean herself up. At the door was Cassian. He shot her a sympathetic smile—one she did not return. “Please keep him out," Elain requested before sequestering herself inside the room.

A half-hour later, she was sitting in her spot, watching Gwyn float down the aisle towards her future husband. She looked beautiful in her white gown, but Elain couldn’t help but think it should’ve been her walking down. That she should’ve been the one to be marrying Azriel. It killed her on the inside to see him marrying somebody else.

But he looked happy as he watched Gwyn approach. That was the only thing Elain ever wanted for him, knowing Azriel came from such a shitty life—a horrible childhood. He deserved to have that happiness. Even if it was with somebody else.

And it was time for her to make some happiness for herself.

She had yet to tell her family that a job opportunity had presented itself to her overseas. Elain hadn’t decided before, but now she had. She couldn’t be around Azriel anymore. Not with him married and likely to start a family soon. She needed a fresh start somewhere else. Where nobody knew who she was.

Elain would tell them when she returned home. She’d have to leave immediately—before he even got back. It was better this way. Perhaps now she’d be able to get over the pain of losing him. Could you technically lose something you’d never had?

“And now for the vows,” the minister announced. He turned towards Gwyn. “Gwyneth, repeat after me. ‘I Gwyneth, take you, Azriel, to be my lawful, wedded husband. In sickness and in health, until death parts us.’”

Gwyn repeated his words, teal eyes shining bright. She and Azriel were facing each other, though they had yet to touch. She thought it odd that they weren’t at least holding hands, but perhaps it was because Az disliked contact and hand-holding.

He really only ever let her touch his hands, now that she’d come to think of it.

Elain glanced at her sister, Nesta—Gwyn’s maid of honor. She looked so happy for her friend. Their other friend, Emerie a step behind her.

The minister then turned towards Azriel and began again.

Her heartbeat thumped wildly in her chest, against her throat. She thought she might get sick.

“Repeat after me. ‘I Azriel.’”

“I Azriel,” he said, midnight voice slithering over her bones.

“Take you, Gwyneth.”

“Take you, Elain.”

The entire room turned to ice as a deafening silence settled over them.

Elain’s blood roared in her ears, her breathing becoming unsteady. Did he—

Rhys and Cassian gaped at their brother, unsure of what to do.

Her stomach somersaulted. A mistake like that was so unlike Azriel. It had to do with her presence. She had fucked up coming here. Now, all she wanted was for the ground to completely swallow her whole.

Please don’t look at me. Please don’t look at me.

Elain chanted the mantra in her head, but it seemed like that only encouraged him to do it more. Because Azriel turned his head and locked eyes with her, pinning her on the spot. She felt several other sets warily turn in her direction, regarding her, judging her. Her face heated, but she kept her focus on him. Watched him watching her.

And then he turned back to Gwyn and slowly took a step back. To others, his face would’ve remained impassive, but Elain could read it perfectly.

It was panic.

No.

She royally fucked up. Tears were already streaming down her face when Nesta caught her eye. She looked torn between going to her sister in the crowd or staying put next to the one she stood beside.

Elain swallowed and realized, she couldn’t breathe. She had to get out before she began hyperventilating. Rising from her seat, she ignored the gasp from one of the other attendees and slipped out onto the aisle. She didn’t need to look back at the altar to know those hazel eyes were once again glued on her retreating figure. She felt them on her back the entire way as she excused herself from the temple, quickly grabbing her bag from where she left it in the groomsmen’s room, and fled, taking her shattered heart with her.

~~~~~

Azriel fucked up. Oh, gods, he had fucked up so badly. Not just in saying the wrong name at the altar, but in the many, many, many decisions he had made that got him to this point. He knew he had a choice to make.

No, that wasn’t true.

He had already made his choice when he saw Elain get up and walk out of that temple. His eyes flicked back to his fiancé, finding Gwyn watching him with a look of hurt on her face.

Gods, he was such a fucking asshole. But he had to end this.

Az took another small step back. “I’m so sorry, Gwyn.” And he meant it with every fiber of his being. “I’m sorry that I cannot give you my heart because it is not mine to give anymore.” Tears lined her teal eyes, but he steeled himself to get through this. He had to get out his apologies to her. Az owed her that much. “I gave it away a long time ago to somebody else, and I don’t think I realized that I never got it back. I don’t think she even realizes that she has it, but you don’t deserve to be with someone who cannot fully love you in the way that they should. And I am so sorry that I’m doing this to you now, that I didn’t figure this out before this very moment, but marrying you would be dishonest. I will always regret putting you through this because you deserve better than that. Better than me.”

Gwyn scoffed, wiping at the tears running down her face. “I can’t believe you’re doing this.” She shook her head. “But I’m not going to stop you from following your heart.” Her fingers wrapped around the ring on her left hand. Sliding it off, she held it out to him. “Here, take it.”

She dropped the ring into his scarred palm. “I really am sorry, Gwyn.”

“Just go, Azriel.”

He didn’t need to be told twice. Bolting down the aisle, he chased after the love of his life when he heard two sets of steps sounding behind him and then…

“Az!”

Whirling, he found Rhys and Cassian had followed him. “What?”

“Groomsmen’s room. That’s where she got ready and likely where she went to get her bag,” Rhys said, panting.

He was running. Running for her, hoping, praying, she didn’t slam the door in his face. He’d give anything to make it right with her. Gods, he should’ve just told her that night on her birthday that he loved her as he had planned, new boyfriend be damned. Az threw open the door to where he and his brothers had gotten ready and found it, empty.

Utterly and completely empty.

“Elain!” he called out in a panic. She had to be here. Where else could she have gone? His brothers followed him in, Cassian making a straight beeline to the window. “Elain, are you here?” he called out again, looking in the bathroom.

“Az!” Cassian hollered, his eyes wild with regret.

His stomach plummeted when he looked back at his brother and saw him point out the window. His gaze drifted out the glass and he saw her, golden-brown hair blowing in the breeze. She looked stunning in her pink dress, even with her back to him. But that the slump of her shoulders told him that she was upset.

And then he saw the absolute worst thing possible. A car pulled up in front of her and Elain climbed into the backseat.

“No. Elain!” he pounded a hand on the window, surprised it didn’t shatter under the force of his palm. His heart slammed against his ribcage as he took off running again. Down the hallway, he took the stairs two at a time, leaping the last four steps until he burst out into the courtyard of the temple only to find her car gone. “No, no, no! Fuck!” His hands slid into his hair, gripping the strands in frustration.

“Come on!” Cassian grabbed his shoulder. “I’ve got the rental car over here.”

His eyes widened. “Where are we going?”

His brother shook him in disbelief. “The airport, you dumbfuck! Where do you think? If you’re going to go after her and admit your feelings, you’re going to do it right. Now let’s go.”

They drove as fast as they could to the Illyrian international airport. After having to purchase three tickets to get through the gates, they managed to find the boarding plane for Velaris.

“I don’t see her,” he panicked. “Where is she?”

The three of them searched the crowd until they saw her short stature; golden-brown hair bobbing into the tunnel.

“Elain!” he shouted. “Elain!” Az ran over towards where she was, but she had disappeared out of sight. His heart dropped into the pit of his stomach. He had missed her. He missed his chance.

Until Cassian cupped his mouth and bellowed, “EEEELLLLAAAIIINNNNNN!!!!!!”

He and Rhys turned to look at him incredulously.

“Dude, the fuck?” Rhys said.

But it worked, because there she was, standing at the entrance of the terminal. Her eyes were wide, shocked.

Az just moved towards her, like a moth to a flame. A magnet. A man under a spell. His feet ate up the ground between them in a few strides until she had to crane her neck back to look up at him. Those eyes—those incredibly, beautiful, doe eyes blinked at him.

“What,” she breathed, “What are you doing here?” she asked when he reached out and took her arm to gently move her out of the way of the other passengers.

He opened his mouth, a heavy breath heaving from his chest in a great whoosh. “El, I have been such a stupid male. A stupid, stupid male. Because I have been searching for the right person to share my life with and I’ve always known it should be you.” Her body started to shake, so he tightened his grip on her elbow. “You are my best friend, the one person I choose to seek out to spend time with. You bring me comfort and joy and happiness in a way I never imagined myself finding.” He brushed her hair behind her ear, let his knuckles graze her cheek, and then cupped the side of her face. “I love you, Elain. I am in love with you. Fuck, it’s always been you.”

Tears were flowing down her face. Shit, he made two women cry today. He really was an asshole. Her eyes flicked between his.

Az was able to read Elain well for most of the time that he had known her, but at that moment, that critical spot in time, he couldn’t. He couldn’t tell if it was hope or pain or happiness or anguish or anything else on her face. And the realization scared him to death because he didn’t know what to expect her to say.

“Azriel.”

Oh god, no. Not his full name. She may as well as stuck a dagger in his gut and left him to bleed out on the floor of the airport.

“What are you doing?” she asked, shaking her head.

He licked his lips, wetting them and giving himself a moment to process her question. “I came for you.”

“What about Gwyn?”

“It’s over between us, El.” She visibly flinched at the name. “Please, Elain. Please believe me when I tell you that I love you.”

A sob tore from her throat and she placed her palm on his chest. Had to feel his rapidly beating heart beneath her splayed fingers. “But would you have realized you loved me had I not shown up?”

“But you did, El, you did. I just needed that reminder—the wake-up call. I have always loved you, Elain. And I wanted to tell you—”

“On my birthday,” she frowned.

He gaped. “How did you…Feyre.” He sighed, more to himself. “Yes, I wanted to tell you on your birthday, but you showed up with Lucien and you looked happy with him. How could I ruin that when I only wanted you to be happy?” He stepped closer to her, crowding her until she avoided his gaze and looked down at their feet. “Why did you show up at my wedding, Elain?”

Her head snapped up, but she didn’t respond.

“What did you want to tell me before you caught me and Gwyn? I know you didn’t just decide to come.”

She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter now.”

Like hell was he taking that for an answer. He took both her hands between his and squeezed them. “It matters to me. Tell me, Elain.”

Another shake of her head sent her hair swaying. “It doesn’t matter because I’m leaving Velaris.”

Every thought in his head went silent. The world around him stilled. “What?”

She swallowed. “I got a job offer for an amazing pastry place overseas and I’m taking it. I leave in a few days to meet with the owner.”

Final boarding call for flight 617 to Velaris.

Elain glanced over her shoulder at the open archway of the terminal.

Was she actually considering leaving? He tightened his grip on her hands. “Elain, please don’t get on that plane right now. We can fly home tomorrow. Together.” Azriel had a feeling if she left right now, she’d be gone before he got home.

She began trying to pull away. “I’m sorry, Az. I can’t do this. I—I just can’t. I’m sorry.” Her fingers slipped away and he stood there rooted on the spot as he watched her walk away from him.

He was too late.

~~~

The car ride back to the temple and then to the hotel had been brutal. Azriel said maybe three words to his brothers who had watched the whole interaction with Elain. Both had offered him their condolences like he’d lost a loved one. Which, he supposed he had. Arriving back at the temple made it even worse, especially when Nesta came up and shoved him.

“How dare you do this to them!” she screamed.

Cassian snatched her around the waist, but in all honesty, he’d love to have her just beat the shit out of him. Maybe that would’ve made him feel better.

“Nesta, not now,” Cassian stated.

“Not now?” she screeched. “Should I do it after I take the non-bride-to-be back to the hotel? And where is my sister?”

Az looked at the eldest Archeron. “She left.”

Realization donned her face. “Well, I hope you’re happy now, Azriel.” Turning on her heel, she left the three males out in the parking lot. He deserved her fury, he reminded himself. Az had hurt her friend and her sister. Nesta had every right to hate him.

Now in his hotel room alone, he nursed a glass of whiskey, his bowtie undone and hanging around his neck. Pulling his phone from his pocket, he turned it back on and waited for his notifications to come up.

And then one popped up that had his heart racing. A voicemail from Elain.

He sat up straight, set his glass and phone down on the table, and pressed the speaker button to play the recording.

Her beautiful voice filled the room.

“Hi, Az. It’s me. I just got back on the plane and I’m thinking about everything. I hated leaving things the way we did. You came to me saying all these things and I wasn’t expecting you to show up like that, and I was just afraid of getting hurt again. So, I fled, and I know I hurt you in the process. And I’m so sorry because that was never my intention.” She sniffed and gods, it hurt him to hear her upset again. “And I didn’t even get to tell you that I love you too. Because I do, I love you.”

He made a soft, pathetic sound. His throat ached with unshed tears and he had to tip his head back against the couch.

“I love you,” she said again. “I love you. What am I doing? I love you. I love you. I need to see you. I have to get off this plane.”

“Oh my god,” he breathed, looking down at his phone sitting on the tabletop. He heard some rummaging around and then—

“I have to get off this plane.”

“Ma’am sit down.”

“Miss, please. I just need to tell somebody that I love them.”

“I can’t let you off this plane.”

Az, in his own world, shouted, “Let her off the plane!”

“Please, you don’t understand!”

“Try to understand!” he cried.

“Oh, come on, miss! Isn’t there any way you can just let me off—”

The line went dead as the voicemail cut out. “No, no, no! Did she get off the plane?” He tapped his screen like it would hold all the answers.

“I got off the plane.”

He whirled around, and there she stood, keycard in hand. Azriel didn’t utter a sound. No, he just moved to her. His long legs swallowed up the space between them in a few strides until shoved the door behind her shut, cradled her gorgeous face between his scarred palms, and kissed her senselessly.

Elain melted, whimpering against his mouth. She dropped her bag and the keycard on the ground in favor of sliding her fingers into the hair at his nape, securing him to her.

His lips worshiped hers, tongue tracing the seam and begging for entry. When she granted him access, he took every advantage, sweeping in to claim her mouth. He kissed her until every thought eddied from either of them. Until they were panting for breath. Until he knew he conveyed every emotion, every feeling of his love for her into that single encounter with her.

She pulled back, resting her forehead on his. “I’m so sorry, Az. I’m sorry I left you there.”

He shushed her. “You’re here now. I’m sorry it took me so long to have the balls to tell you that I love you.”

Elain chuckled, eyes lined with tears. “We have a lot to figure out.”

“We will,” he told her earnestly, taking one of her hands from his neck and spreading her palm across his chest. “Together. Because I’m never letting you go again, Elain. I’m all in. If you’re moving overseas for a new job, then I’m going with you.”

She gaped at him. “What about your job?”

He shrugged. “I’ll get a new one. The point is, is that whatever and wherever life takes you, just know that I want to be right by your side. Forever.”

Elain let out a choked sound. “I love you, Azriel.”

His thumb stroked her cheek, wiping the tear that fell. “I love you too, Elain.” When he kissed her again, Az saw his entire future line up in front of him and finally, it felt right.

~~~~~~

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