#azdi

I lay here stone cold, numb.....  

on a makeshift sick bed,

in a straight jacket, 

my most suitable attire,      

you straddling my chest,

questioning my wasted years without you,  

 =

mirror stuck on the ceiling,  

counting my eyelids shutter, 

for every day missed, 

from the tightening grip  

of your mouth having on my lips,  

never to entirely kill me 

or to let me live in peace.  

=

it's not dying that I fear,  

it's seeing the expression on your face 

when I take my last breath  

as I lay there stone cold,  

waiting for you, my love to know that  

to be assertive is to be merciful,  

like the day you drove your beautiful self to me  

testing my fortitude 

that's now succumbing at your hands.  

=

I had faith in you,

I let you in to build a podium for your ego 

so one could occupy its size,  

I've built castles for winter and 

tents on the summer coastlines 

while I was looking for shade by an empty lake  

I've carved a pool in my mind to accommodate  

dripping saliva from your mouth to top it off.....  

=

everything smiled the day your mercy touched  

every scar you burned me with,  

charred a delicately tattooed me, 

short of a cure,  

gazing at your neck & backside

from the mirror's reflection,

wondering how crazy & warm a healing 

it would be from the inside.

= 

you're still straddling my chest  

cautious about delivering a final blow  

even though you know that,  

I'm laying here harmless,  

paralyzed & stone cold... 

======

for maria

April 14 2003

crucify my stance

a prophet of fools

watch me preserve it  

and I forgive you too  

I get choked up  

when I let myself go too far 

but I don’t run. 

=

feelings feed awareness,  

whatever it is  

I disengage from everything but you 

show me big guns, and bigger consequences  

play that symphony, a rerun,

preach me through a huge gap in time 

feed me your execution wishes 

stuff me a memorable carcass.

=

unlock your doors

as I raid you

I realize it gives me

a sense of essence  

to some degree  

I’m the only one drowning in me.

= 

so listen to me  

so much becomes the truth  

at the end 

dying with you truly lasts forever 

watch me love you still  

still in a ceremony as a captive 

watch me watch you crucify me    

I don’t run  

I’m into you 

I’m an addicted bum