#aybuhay

But this is the real world-- at least for now, at least for us.

I expect that these people I work with, I meet, I spend time with, I expected them to think that this is the real world as well, and that they know that they have to learn how to be trustworthy, responsible, and sympathetic with other people.

But they actually surprise me, how they dramatize being the opposite to teach me the lesson of “How it is in the real world.”

After months of dwelling over an attachment, I recently piece myself together. And I’m happy to say that I am becoming happier without having the need to be pretentious about it. L E G I T HAPPINESS!!

If I’m going to detail how I did everything, a lot of people might say that I have handled the situation immaturely. 

But who the hell they are to tell me what is a “proper way” of dealing with a broken heart?

Let me all remind you: I was PERSISTENTLY hurt not only with lies and humiliation but also with the questions of “am I NOT good ENOUGH?”, and “was it MY FAULT?” As I was not used to this kind of situation, these thoughts managed themselves to torture me every time I remember it.

And you know what’s the worst part? I cannot comfort myself because the solutions I came up with always received a negative response from a lot of people. Some people said I had to act like nothing happened– which is a total bullshit because I cannot pretend like nothing happened (when A LOT HAPPENED) just so people around me won’t feel uncomfortable. Why WOULD I do that? I was hurt, I was betrayed, and I was persistently lied to, and you THINK THAT’S OKAY? That’s bullshit. Why would I pretend like what he did to me was not UTTERLY offensive?

it’s the first day of 2019 and let me just say that this year’s new year’s eve celebration felt so different than the previous years.

oddly different, but whatever.

it felt so homey even if my family is incomplete or even if we didn’t have such a grand celebration.

21st of June 2016

Whenever someone asks me "Where do you want to eat?" Choosing a restaurant in the mall is always my last choice. Apparently, I fancy bizarre-interior-designed independent restaurants you'll find in Tomas Morato, The Fort BGC, Maginhawa, BF Homes Parañaque, or anywhere I didn't mention. I love how it tends to be uncrowded, private, and well Yup smells bloody romantic.

So once again the trio (Pammy, Krizia, and I) searched over Google to find a wallet-friendly yet still an Instagram-worthy restaurant. The primary goal of this "meeting" is to actually just talk over a cup of coffee while twirling our fork around the pasta or perhaps just satisfy our sweet tooth with delicious pastries. Despite our Facebook chat being so active, we would still prefer to meet in person. I also have enslaving commitments while trying to push through with my habits of watching Korean Dramas, writing a story, blogging, editing videos and such. So, typing my long stories and my exaggerated point of views will take me until my next life.

But guess where we went? Book and Borders cafe. From the name itself it already rang a bell that it's a place that is conducive for people trying to get a hold of their sanity while understanding a pile of books for their successful future. And then us... We'll be there seating in the farthest couch and whiling.

I was the first one to arrive since I was just a few blocks away from Tomas Morato because of my voice lesson. I walked to the couch at the farthest corner because we want to freely do tête-à-tête. After a while, Krizia arrived, and since we don't like to come into tedium, we started ordering food. I ordered a Chicken Parmigiana, which was, as Louisa Clark (From Me Before You) would call it, " pasta in green gravy."  The deliciousness of the food was sinew with a Crispy Chicken Fillet on top. While, Krizia ordered the Quatro Cheese, which was a baked mac with lots of cheese. As much as we are capable of obliterating the foods in split seconds, we weren't able to because we had so many things to chat about.

While we were eating our desserts, Matcha Cheese Cake and Belgian chocolate cake (something), Pammy arrived. We glanced at our wrist watches, and vehemently shot her with our "You're 3 hours late!" But of course we love her, so we let it pass. And we just bullied her, to compensate for the past 3 hours we've missed. She ordered Chicken Penne Pesto. Although I liked what I ordered (of course, being it a Pesto), I was a little disheartened when I tasted the Chicken Penne Pesto. I think they need improvements with their pasta in Penne because it tends to not absorb the flavor that it was supposed to give off.

We chatted for another hour or so. And then we went to Style Metro that's just a few steps away from Book and Border. Just to check on some clothes that we can buy for the debut that we were invited to.

After a while, we decided to go home because it's getting late.

17th of June 2016

It has been ages since the last time I auditioned for TV. And, my family and friends know how much I dislike going through auditions like this because of the intensity of stress it gives me. My tears always well up every time I try to be on deja vu years ago when I auditioned for #TheVoice wherein we fell in line for almost 14 hours! We arrived an hour before the call time which was 8 am. And I only got to sing few lines at 11 am, 4 pm, and 9 pm. The pressure I felt while waiting the whole time was unexplainable, only to find out that there was a "special audition" that happened already. And I swear to God, I promised myself then on that I will never undergo such process again.

But I guess I love my mom so much. After just a few arguments and persistence, I am already auditioning for a different TV show which is "Tawag ng tanghalan sa Showtime."

My mom is not in the country right now so my coaches and the receptionist at my voice lesson were the ones who accompanied me to Abs-Cbn. We arrived at the audience entrance at around 11 am, but I was already close to 130th auditionee. We fell in line for almost 2 hours and then the woman, seated at the table, just signaled "Next" and then I sang in front of her. Just imagine how difficult it was to sing in front of her because there is also a table beside her and another person is singing a different song. But of course I cannot let that distract me, so I sang there 2 songs: "Bukas nalang kita mamahalin" and "Set Fire to the Rain." I didn't finish the whole song because we were asked only to sing the part near the climax. After I had sung, she gathered the 5 of us, and she said that she'll call the name of the person who'll undergo to the next screening. And yep, my name was called!

We were given stickers containing our number (I'm on the 30th) that we had to stick on our chest, and then the marshal also gave out a paper for us to fill out about our basic information, songs, and some "If-I-Were this and that" questions. As we were filling out the paper, the marshal called us again because they're (the one in charge of the audition) going to take pictures of us.

At around 4 pm, we already went our way to another studio which looked like the studio of Singing Bee before. We were asked to take a seat first and then afterward they stationed 2 women who will be in charge of another screening. They were just sitting on a monoblock, and then 1-24 will be falling in line for another woman, and then 25-50 will be falling in line on another. I just sang 1 song, it's entitled "Bukas nalang kita mamahalin". I just started on the part near the climax, and then after that, we went to the side and waited for the verdict. And yes! I passed again!

Those people who didn't pass on that screening will be sent home already, while those who passed are going to sing in front of a camera with a minus one. The auditionee has to sing 1 Tagalog and 1 English song. In my case, I sang "Hanggang" with a minus one and "Set fire to the rain" in acapella. After that, they told us that we just have to wait for the call within 2 months. If they didn't call within 2 months, then that means we didn't pass. They also told us that after we sing in front of that camera, we can already go.

As much as I wanted to listen to other people's audition pieces, my tummy can no longer wait. I am feeling ravenous for the last 8 hours of starving. So we went to the nearby McDo and grabbed dinner. Despite the fact that I have already stopped eating fast food, today I had no choice because my tummy can no longer wait and besides we are with someone else so it's awkward if I will say that I don't eat fast food. They might think that I am being sassy. (LOL)

29th of May 2016

It was not only the first Sunday of our "summer" vacation, but it was also the 18th birthday celebration of one of my good friends, Krizia! *Party poppers on cue* Her debut will be held at the Lakambini Hall, Villamor Air Base at 5:30 pm.

But of course, since it was the first FREE Sunday that I have, I overslept that morning and woke up at around 11 am already. I just finished some household chores and then I started preparing because I have to go to my friend's (Nika's) house at around 3 pm because we will be fetched there by my another friend, Thea and his Dad.

We didn't intend to arrive at precisely 5:30 pm since we know for sure how events in the Philippines works. You know, the famous "Filipino time"? But, Thea arrived at around 4:30 pm. Let's not forget that it was a Sunday and there was less traffic. So we arrived there at exactly 5:30 pm. Definitely, it was my first time attending a debut right not time.

The debut started at around 6 to 6:30 pm when the tables were already filled with guests. She had the 18 roses first before we had dinner, which was also new for me since I was used to the set up of having dinner first before the program.

But if there is something that struck me the most during the debut, it's meeting Krizia's mom. Despite the fact that I will be in the 18 speeches, and I'll be rendering a song for them, those things didn't reach the feeling of nervousness when I met face to face with her mom. Although I'm pretty sure, Krizia didn't tell her much of my negative side (lol) it was still nerve cracking when she said: "I heard so much about you." There was like a thunderbolt that hit me, and I was like "Ha ha ha tita what did she told you about me?" But of course, you know grace under pressure, so I was just smiling and saying "Ha ha ha tita no problem."

As much as that encounter was supposed to be flattering because I found out that I always star in Krizia's stories at their home. It was still awkward because I've heard stories about her mom, and it just felt strange.

Anyway! During my speech part at the 18 speeches, although I have a run down of what I will say, I still didn't write it down-- which was a big mistake. I was overwhelmed feeling like "part of the family" since I was like fourth to the last next to her HS best friend and sister-in-law, that's why I skipped some my speeches and just blabber in front. Ugh, I think I missed the part of completely saying what I wanted to say to her.

During the near end of the party, the emcee called my name and then my college friends suddenly turned wild: they were howling and cheering like crazy. I sang "Chasing Pavements" since it was the request of the debutante. Many people also knew the song may it be young or those who are young at heart, so I was happy that I was received warmly.

The debut ended at around 9:30 pm, and I was already home at 10:30 pm. It was also the first time I went back from a debut that early. There must be really something strange or peculiar about this debut, it gave me a lot of "new experiences." HAHAHA!

*** I was aware of the whole planning of this debut-- yes mostly because of Krizia's talkativeness. I mean, not exactly the actual plan like what she talked about with her emcee but the rough flow. I was also giving her ideas on the process especially when she's stressed out already. Not to mention her unprofessional makeup artist suddenly canceled the schedule on the day of the debut.