#avynda

You still don’t feel quite right, in fact, you’re more thrown off than usual. Inside you is a storm of uncertainty and worry but you show up nonetheless. You’d rather not be a complete disappointment to someone else you care about, and anyway, you miss Tahzne. Seeing him always made you feel a little better. You could feel like you were actually competent in helping, in making someone happier, and you were even feeling a little closer to him too.

One last time. Once more, and it's all over.

This serves as your mantra, your courage, as you commit to the path you've chosen. As much as it takes to steel your nerves, the deed itself is done almost too easily. It's somehow more sickening to you this way. You almost wish there was more of a challenge, more to stand in your way than your own conscience. It only reminds you of how much Gallic trusts you. How twisted you are to betray that.

But no, you can't think of it that way. It's only once, just one more time, and you can both be free. Yes - it feels to you as if Thiarn even now has your matesprit in his hands. Just with the knowledge of his existence, he can use him against you, you against him. What a horrid lie you told him. Knowing Gallic only to trick and steal from him, essentially pledging your allegiance to your “moirail”. How awful... but necessary. It's much better this way, you're sure. If he knew the truth... well, you don't know what would happen. That part unsettles you the most; you just don't know how Thiarn would react. It isn't as if he's harmed you, or if you believe he would. But on so many occasions you can recall how he's spoken of you in regards to others. Saying you're not good enough, reassuring you that he's glad to have you around. You don't deny the truth of his words, and yet, you've made so many bonds with others. It's... confusing. But it's something you would rather not confront, and therefore you've resolved to never tell Thiarn.

Without a problem you're able to arrange another visit with Gallic. He's happy to see you, and you feign the same as much as you can in the beginning. In any normal circumstance your heart would be alight with the joy of seeing him but now your anxiety comes only from the task you face. As much as you want to enjoy your time with him, this is... this is business now. After hanging around him a bit you wander off, assuring again you'll go nowhere near the pool room. You say you want to explore a little on your way to the bathroom, and he dismisses you with some direction. Direction you only sort of take, as its not a hygeineblock you're after. Wandering through the big empty halls is a little intimidating, to be honest. As in Thiarn's hive it's impossible to tell what each door holds. As much as you'd like to avoid taking too much time you find yourself opening doors, peeking in, and closing them more times than you'd like. So many of the rooms are empty – decorated, of course, as opulent as the rest of the hive. But ultimately empty when it comes to personal belongings or anything interesting, of “value”. The more you look, the more the whole place feels... barren. Beautiful, yes, but hollow. Even Gallic's presence fades away as you traverse farther into the branching halls. It's strangely lonely – but you have no time to focus on that. You're getting distracted, you need to focus. The more time you spend away only drags this out longer.

After a bit more poking around you find a block unlike the others. It's one with character, with – stuff in it. You creep carefully in to take a better look, all silent save for the soft click of the door as you close it behind you. A quick look around the block gives you a strange feeling. The contents are a collection similar to Thiarn's – but different, you're sure. All of the pieces aren't packed and discordant. This is no haphazard collection. All of the items are old, weathered by water, valuable. Looking at them gives you the feeling one might get from marveling at the pieces of minor history assembled in those untouchable glass museum cases. It takes you a bit of wondering but you aren't slow enough to miss the connection. Gallic is, after all, an underwater treasure hunter – these must be his treasures.

After the thought occurs to you you reel back a little. Your first thought is to turn around and leave. You really shouldn't be here, you really can't take-

But you should.

You freeze in place. What else have you seen in this hive? What else is here – petty displays of wealth, minor decorations. This is the first room with substance. Personal items. If you brought one of these back, Thiarn would have no doubt that it was something of worth, that it really belonged to Gallic. Just think of how impressed he'll be when you tell him where it came from.

Actually, don't. That thought disgusts you a little.

But you stay, poking around amongst the collection. An item not too big as to be missed easily, somewhere in the further recesses of the shelves. In the end you come to an old pocketwatch. A weighty thing, made of gold and engraved with a flourishing symbol you don't recognize. The old hands are still and lifeless but the glass face remains unbroken, the only sign of its journey being the tarnish on the metal and the dulled grooves of the engraving, worn down by time and waves.

After a bit of hesitation you tuck the thing away, moving a chest that was sitting near it to angle and hide away the empty space where it should be. You're not sure how often he comes in here but this is as good as you can do, given the circumstance. This will work.

You escape – and really it feels like one, with the way you abscond from the block – from your guilt and head straight back to where Gallic is. Fear is bubbling up in you, threatening to tighten your lungs in its iron grip, but you push through. This is the last time. You're almost finished. You're ready to have it over with too, to get right to Thiarn and give him what he wants so you can be free. After you meet back up with Gallic you tell him you don't feel well, claiming an upset stomach. It's not completely a lie – though you're not ill, your insides are twisting and turning from nerves alone. He's worried, of course. But you promise him you'll be okay, you just want to go hive for now. You apologize for cutting your time with him short and he's as understanding as he can be with so little notice. You accept his offer of a ride hive and promise to see him as soon as you possibly can. The next time you can come back with a clear conscience, an unburdened heart. From here on it will be so much better.

avynda in alt outfits is my favorite thing to draw