#average viewer

It’s been a very long time since I’ve seen a horror movie like this one; or better yet, just a film this great in general. A Quiet Place creates an entirely new way of telling a story, and a damn good one at that. I’ll try to explain why I enjoyed it so much, but the only way you’ll be able to truly understand what I mean when I say: “this is the best movie I’ve seen all year”, is if YOU GO SEE THIS MOVIE. Like…now. Or this week or whatever, (whenever you have the time really, it’s up to you), just GO SEE IT.

Alright, now that it’s gotten it’s due praise, here’s why A Quiet Place is now in my top 5 scary movies of all time…

SPOILER WARNING: MAJOR SPOILERS FOR A QUIET PLACE FOLLOW

Going into the theater, knowing John Krasinski and Emily Blunt were not only playing lead roles, but a married couple, my expectations were set pretty high. And they knocked them out of the park, blew them out of the water, or shot them out of the sky – however you want to say it, they nailed it. It takes incredible talent and mastering expression in your face to pull this movie off, and there’s a couple scenes in particular I feel deserve a shout out.

First, my new queen, Emily Blunt, plays Evelyn Abbot – I don’t think there’s an emoticon for a standing ovation, so this will just have to do:

Homegirl WENT INTO LABOR, but kept it cool long enough to signal her husband, then STEPPED ON A F**KING NAIL, and still kept her mouth shut, and even BEGAN ACTUALLY HAVING A BABY… All while staying silent enough to stay alive. Is it bad bitch or bad-bitch? Not only did her character have this incredible feat of motherhood, the entire time you can see the pain in her eyes. You can literally see her screaming, but she doesn’t make a sound, it’s just from her expressions. When was the last time you saw a movie where the actress screamed without actually screaming? Yeah, remember when I said this is an entirely new way of telling a story? GO SEE IT, and maybe you’ll believe me.

The second scene one could almost call Oscar worthy follows almost immediately after, when Lee is in the house searching for his wife. He gets to the bathroom to see blood pooled in the bathtub, and without a word, you can see his entire life leave his eyes. His whole world crumbles, he feels helpless, and alone… and it all happens within a matter of seconds. How John Krasinski pulled that off, I’ll never know. Not only as an actor, but as a director: the ability to capture a moment of pure emotion like that seems almost impossible, yet he did it - and my hat goes off to him.

There’s a lot more to this film than the acting that makes it so incredible: the story is wonderfully written, it’s a completely original kind of horror, and the silence itself creates its own character. It’s hard to imagine writing a story with these kinds of boundaries, but I guess the challenge of it all is what made the final product turn out so great. During an average scary movie, I’ll think “Ugh, you’re so dumb!”, or, “Don’t go in there!”, but not this one. This situation is simply happening to these characters, and any mistakes they make is all due to their fear of sound, or really what follows. That’s what sets it apart from other horror movies for me, the stakes are much higher. Everything is amplified, and it’s weirdly because of the silence. There’s also only a few lines of spoken dialogue in the whole thing, and I believe that’s what made the performances of not just the cast, but the silence, so great. How can silence be a character, though? I have no idea, but in this movie, silence is permanent. It’s everywhere, always, and forever. A Quiet Place is a masterpiece, go see it.

Thor: Ragnarok - Review

WARNING! SPOILERS FOR THOR: RAGNAROK AHEAD!

Rating - 9/10 Stars

Ragnarok is by far the best Thor movie to date. In fact I’d probably give Thor a 7/10 and Dark World a 4 or 5/10. So a jump up to a 9 is saying something. Is there even a point in writing a review for Marvel movies like this anymore? Well, duh or I wouldn’t have wasted my time with it. There is a strong argument that the MCU follows a formula and sticks to it, but hey, if it ain’t broke don’t fix it.

Chris Hemsworth’s performance as Thor been growing on me more and more since the Avengers back in 2012, and I think this November he hit his peak. Every corny joke made me laugh, I believed in his cause, and I felt his pain - 10/10 - I’m excited for Thor’s future as the King of Asgard, especially since his powers are at their peak; and I can’t wait for his return in Infinity War.

The same can be said for his mischievous brother, even though I thought I would be tired of Loki by now. This film reassured me that he and Thor go hand in hand, one with out the other would probably just feel like a jelly sandwich.

Hulk, or should I say, The Incredible Hulk, was my favorite part of the entire movie. He was a little too dumb for my taste, but I guess I shouldn’t have expected a Planet Hulk level of intelligence. His part was the perfect mix of humor and action, Bruce Banner’s scenes included. Frankly all it did was leave me wanting more... more as in please can we have another solo Hulk movie. We know you can do it, @Marvel, just put him in the formula.

Valkyrie made for a great addition to the “Revengers”, and her connection to Hela helped fill the climactic battle with the emotion it needed to draw the epic to a close. Plus its always nice to have a such a strong character that has a long history in Marvel Comics finally get some screen time.

Hela filled the great villain hole we’ve all felt since Thor came onto the big screen; I’m also pretty sure she's the first main female Marvel villain ever? Unless you count Gamora, which I don't. She not only shattered the audience’s view of the foundation of Asgard, but she had more than enough reason for her treachery. Plus, I was genuinely shocked when the Revengers figured out how to defeat her, I really didn't think they could do it. But of course, heroes prevail.

I couldn't write this review without a quick shout out for Jeff Goldblum’s amazing incarceration of the Grandmaster - classic.  

ATTENTION! SPOILERS FOR AHS: CULT FOLLOW! BEWARE!

AHS: Cult Overall Rating - 6/10 Stars

My original thought this season was “Hey, maybe they actually thought it through this time.” But AHS: Cult is business as usual, give all the heavy lifting to the strongest actor and hope for the best. The rest will figure itself out, right? Wrong. So, how can you expect a show that peaked in it’s 3rd season find a revival in it’s 7th?

Ryan Murphy proved to have a few good ideas for AHS: Cult:

Like the terrifying world we live in. Capitalizing on the division of the country seemed a bit dark, even for AHS… At least that’s what I thought at first. But fear in the real world embodied by the Trump v Hillary divided nation turned out to be more captivating than Roanoke and Hotel, which was a win for me.

Then there’s Evan f*cking Peters. His ability to embody a charismatic cult leader, a psychopathic killer, and a human being in pain all in the span of 45 minutes kept this season alive. A big part of the reason I continued watching was to see him play Charles Manson in the penultimate episode, and he did not disappoint. That being said, one character can’t carry a whole show. And he didn’t…

There was a surprising performance this season from Billie Lord, who’s impressive introduction as cold-hearted Winter showed me she’s a great addition to the cast. Reading her was impossible, which contributes tremendously to keeping the mystery alive - something I believe thrives within the horror genre’s once trailblazing series. I hope she comes back next year.

But should I even watch next year? Along with those good ideas came some pretty bad ones…

Like Sarah Paulson’s role this year I could really do with out. Her performance as Dot/Bette in Freakshow and Billie Dean Howard in Asylum were unlike any other I’ve seen before. Compare that to this season, where she just… screams; then does something stupid and cries about the consequences. I understand her role wasn’t written as strongly as her past seasons, but please actually give me reason to want your character to live? That’s up to you as an actress. Then to top it all off, when Ally seemed to be getting her life together, it turns out she was just turning into the person she spent all season defying. Great way to cement my opinion that she’s a piece of shit. 

Or how about the issue that seems to happen through out the whole series: the writers seem to forget about terror and fear, and become wrapped up in the convoluted characters’ storylines. Once those clown masks came off it became a slasher show again. And I understand wanting to create ambiance around Kai’s cult by referencing others from the past, but did we really need an entire episode devoted to the conspiracy of the women behind the Zodiac killer? Probably not. Especially when it wasn’t all that scary in the first place. I had high hopes that the finale would bring the show full circle, but once again I was disappointed. 

Have I gone back and forth enough for you? Good. Then you probably feel how I did after watching this season. Sometimes it was good, others it held the exact same pitfalls that continually derail the show. They did a better job at scaring me than in recent years, but they still weren’t able to bring it home.

So where does this leave AHS: Cult? Overall I’d say it’s ranked #4 out of all the seasons. In my opinion, the list goes… 1. Asylum 2. Murder House 3. Coven 4. Cult 5. Freakshow 6. Hotel 7. Roanoke But regardless of how good viewers found this season, FX has already signed on through season 9. I just hope the next two years are higher on this list.

Given that I’m gonna spend the next 2-3 weeks indoors, I decided to entertain myself a little bit. I was in high school the first time I started watching How I Met Your Mother (2010ish), and I’ve watched it all the way through several times since then. I had a strange thought today though, thinking about S7E20... it’s been at least 3 years since the last time I watched the show, and my life is drastically different. Why not watch it for probably the 8th time? and see if it’s changed for me at all. So, here goes 9 seasons of probably nothing.

Airing on CBS in 2005, How I Met Your Mother is an American sitcom centered around a single 27-year-old New Yorker, Ted Mosby (Josh Radnor), and the not so epic search for his soulmate. In the these 2030, Future Ted, (voiced by Bob Saget), tells his children the long story of how he met their mother.

The pilot is set in 2005: Ted is living with his roommate and college best friend Marshall, (Jason Siegel), who gets engaged to his long term girlfriend Lily, (Alison Hannigan). Ted often frequents the bar beneath his apartment with his other (best?) friend, Barney, (Neil Patrick Harris); they happen to meet the fifth member of the gang, Robin (Colbie Smulders), whom Ted instantly falls in love with.

Blah blah blah. I’m not writing this to summarize the show... look at the title, this is a rewatch. I’m dissecting, getting into the nitty gritty, reading between the lines, of this basic *ss tv show. So, buckle down, it’s gonna be a boring ride.

“First” (8th?) Impressions

The biggest thing I have to remember while watching this, is that it was made in 2005. It’s gonna be outdated, and I’m gonna hate it.

Ted

SUCKS. Yeah, he’s a romantic, whatever... but I’m only 2 episodes in, and I can tell it’s gonna be hard not to hate him.

Marshal & Lily

Still pretty cute, for now... even though I know what’s coming. But for the time being I’m gonna enjoy it.

Robin

I love her- career driven, funny, pretty. Probably goes without saying, but definitely too good for Ted.

Barney

Charming, funny, but obviously, Barney is incredibly sexist... however, as an actor, Neil Patrick Harris always steals the show.

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