#avengersfemreader

It was hateful for Polina, but she couldn't fight it. With every passing second she felt a pain crushing her. The tears had already dried on her face. She was alone with only the alarm clock flashing red numbers on the screen, still feeling the relentless grip of his arms on her body.

Logically, she could not find sleep. This did not surprise the young woman. She could feel his insistent gaze on her, but she did nothing but avoid it, just like everyone else who had moved into her building that infamous day.

She was stupid! As soon as he recognized him, she should have acted immediately. She would have had to run away again, yes, but she wouldn't have done it to herself again. Yet somehow she had promised herself to live her life. Well, now her life didn't seem so rosy and flowery.

"What are you thinking about?" Bucky asked Polina almost in a whisper. After his outburst he went to the bathroom for a while and finally decided to lie down next to the young woman right away. After a few minutes he decided to dare to put his hands on you and the young woman didn't fight: after all, she didn't stand a chance.

No one would stand a chance against the former winter soldier. She knew better than to beg him.

"It's nothing." She answered briefly, looking at the alarm clock that was still jumping ahead a minute. Bucky was probably not pleased with her answer because the young woman could feel the whip radiating from his body and his grip tightened slightly. She squealed slightly with the pressure in her belly but she didn't dare to react to him more, to show more interest in him. Just like that day, she refused to even look at him and God, Bucky was feeling so angry. He really wanted her to see what he saw, to see him imagining her right away, but there was no way.

She decided to dare a little more to stop only at dawn.

"Think about it, it's perfect. You can finally get over… your trauma, I can help you." He whispered in the young woman's ear, sending shivers through her body. She whimpered, shaking her head at every unhealthy idea she could think of. Bucky insisted anyway.

He decided to stretch her body towards the young woman, almost rising up towards Polina's trapped body. With the same hand (the vibranium one) he took the young woman's chin with such sweetness that the young woman could hardly believe it was her. After his grip, he forced the young woman to look at him. She couldn't look anywhere else, she couldn't look at anything but those eyes.

"You caused this trauma, you can't fix it."

He almost whimpered when he saw how a small smile appeared on her lips. It was as if he hadn't heard her, as if he was arguing with a completely different Polina and entertaining her every moment. Because Bucky was so very calm and Polina was clearly afraid of his unpredictability.

"Yes, I did, and I'm sorry, baby, I'm so sorry. I wish I could go back, start over with you, but I can't. We see this as a new beginning." he whispered so sweetly that it made the young woman sick to her stomach. He was dreaming, he looked at Polina with such tenderness that the young woman was frightened. He didn't understand how she had managed to get through all the reactions, she was just stuck in this moment.

Did she miss any memories?

What happened to her?

"It's not a beginning, Bucky. My beginning was without you and-"

She couldn't finish the sentence, didn't even think to continue. When his vibranium hand cupped her face, his gaze suddenly hardened, especially as he squeezed her cheeks so hard that they stung. He groaned in pain, thinking that at any moment he could seriously hurt the young woman, but seeing her frown, it seemed that he was the one who had the audacity to look hurt.

"No, you don't understand. You were my beginning, of all my memories, after the night terrors, after the nightmares, you were the only one who managed to brood for days over a person they forced me to become. You are my beginning and you need my help, baby." He growled almost like a beast during his little speech and Polina could barely hold his attention.

This grip hurt the young woman very badly. Only when Bucky saw the tears in her eyes did he decide to slowly release his vibranium hand. When he brought his face closer to hers, she could almost feel the bile rising from her stomach.

"No, please-" she whispered desperately, feeling her handcuffed wrist still aching. She began to kiss away the tears that threatened to fall. When the young woman thought he was going to come back to her side, he decided to sit even better instead. She began hyperventilating, imagining only one scenario.

God, she couldn't stand the nightmares, she managed to endure his insistent, if not inappropriate, touches and his words, his closeness, his scent. He felt the pain under his skin. The fact that a former winter soldier could go so far as to take a young woman like Polina had ruined her life. She would never get over it, never.

"Shh, easy, baby. I could never do such things to you, never." He comforted the young woman, almost reading her mind as he kissed her face lovingly. Everything, every bit of skin from cheek to forehead, was kissed devotedly by him. It felt as if it was sacred to her, as if it really was everything. Stockholm syndrome? The young woman didn't think so. Slowly calmed down by his revelation, she decided not to open her mouth again until she was sure he was really calm. But then again, Bucky seemed like a man who would lose his temper quickly. He was very unpredictable and Polina knew very little.

"Please stop… I'm- I'm sleepy." she murmured, too embarrassed to feel his kisses on her face. Bucky quietly rested both elbows on the sides of her head and looked straight into her eyes with a sweet, gentle smile. Polina couldn't believe that Bucky was holding her captive in his apartment, or that he was somehow involved with the winter soldier, but he was. And now the two of them were just standing here. The young woman tied to the bed by the winter soldier.

"Then I can help you sleep, honey." The nickname disgusted the young woman but she nodded with only a fake smile on her lips. She literally had to do something to get her off her high. Still Bucky kept rushing and told Polina to just close your eyes. She didn't want to close them, she wanted to watch his every move but she didn't want to contradict him or even challenge him. She was afraid. Of what might happen if she closed her eyes or what he might do to her for not closing them.

So she gave up and closed her eyes slowly, Bucky was almost surprised. You could tell by the way she murmured gratefully. The young woman waited for him to move her, but Bucky continued to caress her face instead. Polina felt the chill of his vibranium hand on her skin as his flesh hand carefully combed through her hair, careful not to hurt her. To the young woman's detriment, it seemed to work.

Slowly her muscles began to relax and she was already falling into the arms of what she hoped was a dreamless sleep. Bucky, on the other hand, continued to watch the young woman. He was grateful that she had closed her eyes, because her smile was wider than the one she was showing Polina, so that the young woman could not see the love written in her eyes. He was wonderful in every way and in every expression. A perverted part of him admitted that he was perfect when he cried, but he never told the young woman, knowing how much she was still afraid of him. But that won't last long, no. She would understand him, even love him. At the thought of her kissing him, Bucky felt like he was in heaven.

Kissing?

The thought really hit him, he could see his muscles relaxing completely and his eyelids growing heavier and heavier. Bucky tilted his head slightly and looked at her slightly parted lips. Without thinking, Bucky slowly walked up to the young woman's face and gently placed his lips on hers. He felt shivers run through his body and a desire that drove him to continue again and again.

But what had he told the young woman, what had he promised her he wouldn't do anything? No, not yet.

Bucky wanted to create a strong bond first, even if the existing one was already unbreakable. But the thought that he might want her body from afar already made him feel ecstatic. Bucky continued to kiss the young woman gently and smiled slightly at the thought that one day he might kiss her.

It was going to be real.

Just as he was no longer a winter soldier, Polina was no longer afraid of him.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Hyperventilation is the process of breathing in and out frequently. during this process, the amount of Co2 in the air inside us decreases, while the amount of O2 does not increase. the human brain looks at the Co2 ratio of the air inside the lungs to make the decision to breathe. the brain of a person who is hyperventilating before diving does not feel the need to breathe because it perceives the amount of Co2 as low. however, this is an artificial situation and since there is not enough O2, blackouts and even fainting may occur during the ascent to the surface, which is the last seconds of the dive. When you are alone, you should be careful not to dive to your limits. Hyperventilating is usually done by people who want to stay underwater longer, but it is a risky behavior.

Stockholm syndrome is a term that describes the psychological state of the hostage, which can be summarized as the emergence of emotional sympathy and empathy in the process of possible dialogue with the hostage-taker.

She didn’t say much at first. Just stood there watching her friend hug me like we’d known each other forever. I was pretty sure she’d said she only met the guy yesterday—and didn’t want to go alone since it was too soon. Yeah. Just yesterday.

When Steve held out his hand to break the awkward tension, she snapped out of it and shook it a bit too quickly. That was how the four of us officially met.

The conversation soon got lively, and we ended up walking toward the amusement park. Her friend—Anastasia—was already asking war questions. She seemed fascinated by front-line stories. I wasn’t.

But Steve? Steve was thrilled to talk. He answered all her questions as we walked in silence behind them. I was starting to wonder why she’d agreed to this date at all. She didn’t seem into soldiers—definitely not into war stories. But even when Anastasia ignored her completely, she didn’t mind. I could tell. That’s what best friends do.

While they kept chatting ahead of us, I noticed her glancing at me. She looked over, shrugged, like she was waiting for me to say something. We were both clearly bored. Forgotten.

I smiled and changed the subject. Smoothly, if I say so myself. The conversation kept rolling until Anastasia finally got tired of the book talk.

She noticed the look on my face—yeah, I probably looked a little down. But she didn’t say anything. Instead, she just slowed down. Maybe hoping I’d slow down too. When Anastasia kept talking with Steve and we lagged behind, I caught up to her pace.

“You okay? Your feet hurting?” I asked, looking at her shoes.

“No, I’m fine. Just sick of the war talk, that’s all.” She kept walking slowly.

“Same,” I sighed. “Feels like a never-ending topic at this point.”

“Yeah. Where there’s life, there’s hope.” She said it so casually.

My breath caught.

“What did you just say?”

“I said, ‘Where there’s life, there’s hope.’” She repeated it, probably thinking I was surprised she quoted something.

I was. No one ever got my references.

But she wasn’t just anyone.

“You’re a fan? No way…”

And that’s when the real conversation began. Turned out she was a massive book nerd too. She read everything she could, bought every book she finished.

Before I knew it, our shoulders were touching. She smiled and blushed a little—but didn’t move away. I was aware of how close we’d gotten. I glanced at her friend, half-expecting a look. But Anastasia didn’t seem to care. She was still clinging to Steve’s arm, laughing at something.

“You’re really beautiful,” I murmured, almost without thinking.

She looked caught off guard. She was about to apologize on Anastasia’s behalf—but she blushed instead.

“And you love books. I’m a lucky man to be talking to you.”

“I could say the same, Sergeant. I’d pick books over battles any day.”

“Then you found the right date,” I said with a grin, looking around. “Wanna get some ice cream?”

“That sounds perfect.” And that’s how we split off from Steve and Anastasia. I told them we’d go get something and didn’t wait around.

We spent the next hour just walking, talking, trying games. I even won her a teddy bear. Now and then we pretended to look for Steve and Anastasia, but honestly… we didn’t care.

“I can’t remember the last time I felt this comfortable around someone.”

“I’m glad I’m not boring you.” She said it in a way that didn’t feel like forced small talk. She was comfortable. It was wild to think we’d only met two hours ago.

I smiled. “I feel the same. Steve always says I’m boring.”

“He is, too.”

“He is?” I laughed.

“Yep. Who would’ve thought Captain America would be into war stories?”

“Doesn’t the name kind of give it away?” I teased.

“His name says heroic and dull. And honestly? Stealing his best friend’s date doesn’t scream honor.”

That threw me for a loop. Was she defending me?

“Maybe I stole the date,” I muttered.

“She didn’t pay attention to her date the whole night. All her energy was on her best friend.”

“She still doesn’t?”

“She’s into him. No doubt.”

She was acting like she didn’t understand what I meant.

“Well… feelings are mutual. About the date. And about now.”

“You weren’t interested in Anastasia?”

“Wasn’t that obvious?”

“No.” Especially not when they hugged the second we showed up.

“I was trying to be polite. She insisted on the date because I helped her out. I was just glad I could bring Steve.”

“She seemed interested in you—until Captain Rogers started storytime.”

“She’s been staring at his back since we arrived.”

She laughed, and I joined in. That moment shaped the rest of the night. We both realized—we didn’t care.

The sound of the last box being loaded onto the truck snapped me back to reality. I’d been spacing out a lot lately. Mostly back to the 1940s—when life felt simple and good.

I’d been thinking about that date with Steve. Technically, I’d gone out with Anastasia. But I couldn’t stop remembering the girl she had brought for Steve. The one I ended up getting close to.

She looked so sweet, so innocent. But I knew—better than anyone—how dirty she could get in a back alley.

If that damn train hadn’t derailed… maybe she would’ve been the woman I came back to.

Steve had Peggy. And me? I had… that sweet girl. The one whose name I still couldn’t remember. The one whose face never fully formed in my memories.

I sighed, hard and bitter.

I gave the apartment one last glance. Just like I’d promised Polina, I’d packed everything up in two days. It was time to leave.

Even if I’d been the architect of her trauma—and made everything worse trying to fix it with some reckless plan—after that raw apology and painful catharsis, I felt something I hadn’t in a long time.

Safe.

No, it wasn’t healthy. For either of us. Not even close.

But somehow… my apology had done what years of therapy never could.

Still, Polina had asked for closure. She didn’t want more nightmares. She wanted to say goodbye properly. She asked me to tell her when I left.

I still couldn’t make sense of the past week—what I’d done, what I felt, what had changed. I couldn’t believe I’d become this man. It ached.

But I’d keep my promise to her. At the very least, leave a final moment behind that felt more like peace than destruction.

As I walked toward Polina’s door, those eyes I could never forget filled my mind again.

And the thought of the girl—whose name I still didn’t know—was already beginning to crawl back into my bones.

Polina refused to open her eyes, defying the sunlight streaming into the room. She had no intention of starting a new day with her own killer. She was certain she would rot away in this bed. What she wasn’t sure of was what she might lose in the process.

Even with her eyes tightly shut, Polina could still sense the movement in the room. The sun must have spread more deeply into the space than she expected, because with every step he took, the man's shadow reflected across her closed lids.

She could no longer ignore the smells and sounds reaching her. Her stomach growled in response to the aroma, giving her yet another reason to silently curse. The man didn’t bother hiding his smile at the sound.

“You should wake up, beautiful. You need to eat breakfast.”

At the sound of his voice, Polina felt a wave of nausea. She squeezed her eyes shut even tighter. She tried to make herself smaller where she lay. Maybe, if she shrank enough, she could disappear. At least, she wanted to believe that.

Her subtle movement hadn’t escaped Bucky’s eyes. He let out a deep breath and slowly stepped toward the bed she was tied to. He was trying very hard not to startle her. Of course, he knew from the beginning that he had chosen the wrong way to approach this. But he had done what first came to his mind. He couldn’t miss this chance. And once they talked about everything, she would understand. She would agree with him. She wouldn’t be afraid. Bucky was sure of that—just as sure as he was of the memories he clung to. Or at least, he had trapped himself in that illusion. In the end, everything would be fine.

He slowly sat down on the bed she was tied to. He noticed how she pulled her legs closer to herself. With every move he made, she curled deeper into a fetal position, trembling more with every breath. He let out an audible sigh and settled onto the corner of the bed. He didn’t move, didn’t speak for several minutes. And during that time, he could see her trembling begin to ease.

Eventually, Polina—perhaps out of discomfort from his silence, or out of a foolish kind of bravery—finally opened her eyes. Slowly, she turned to the man sitting on the edge of the bed. The moment she did, the man with one metal arm, who had been staring out the window, met the gaze of the woman he had tied to the bed.

Even Polina herself was surprised that she could speak, but the words still slipped from between her lips.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, finally beginning to comprehend the reality of what was happening—resenting every moment of the past three years, but especially last night, which felt like months even though it had only been hours. She kept talking, tired of running and staying silent all these years. She was tied to a bed now—how much worse could things get?

“I don’t have the energy to go through another breakdown like last night,” she said, finally meeting the eyes of the man who had broken her mind.

Bucky could see that the fear hadn’t left her—but she was exhausted by the constant helplessness. He had replayed last night a million times in his head. He wasn’t proud of what he had done, but he didn’t know what else to do. His social skills were dead. He had no one to guide him. No family. No friends. They were all gone—dead because of him. He knew he deserved this loneliness. The screams of those he once called comrades still echoed in his head.

“I didn’t come to apologize for what happened last night,” he said, locking eyes with her again.

Polina took a deep breath and sat up slightly in bed. She was almost upright now. “Then what are you here to apologize for?” she asked. The absurdity of the situation would have made her laugh if she had been anywhere else. She wasn’t used to having bed chats with the man who had shattered her. And yet, deep down, she was curious about what he had to say. Some part of her—though she wouldn’t admit it—knew that his apology might be more healing than all the therapy and pills in the world. How ironic, wasn’t it? Maybe God didn’t have a great sense of humor after all.

Without hesitation, Bucky responded to her question. “For everything else,” he said, taking a deep breath. He looked around the room again, then brought his eyes back to meet hers. She was now sitting fully upright.

“I’m sorry for following you with a smug smile on my face three years ago.” As soon as the words left his mouth, he could see her muscles tense. But he didn’t stop. He should have stopped last night, but he hadn’t. And he wouldn’t stop now, no matter how much it pained him. He owed her this—this beautiful, fierce woman sitting across from him.

He kept leaving new scars on her soul, and yet, even when his mind had been washed clean, the one thing he could never forget was the brightness in her eyes and the way she had once stared him down without fear. He still didn’t know why. But for some reason, he hadn’t been able to kill her. And now, his blood-stained hands had left yet another wound on the most delicate spirit he had ever known.

“I’m sorry you had to witness what I did, in the wrong place at the wrong time.” He wanted to close his eyes, but he knew she was listening—holding her breath.

“I’m sorry I made you live your life in fear and doubt.” He turned his body a bit more toward her.

“I’m sorry I didn’t kill you that day and left you alone with what you saw.” A single tear escaped from Polina’s eyes.

“I’m sorry for treating you like an object.” He reached out and untied her hands, gently tracing the marks left by the rope with his thumb. The cold of his metal fingers made her shiver. But she didn’t flinch—not because she’d forgotten he was a killer, but because for the first time, maybe… she realized this trauma had destroyed him even more than it had her.

“And most of all, I’m sorry you ever had to meet me.” Bucky let out a bitter chuckle. The kind that cursed his existence, his life, everything he had done.

“I’m sorry,” he said again, this time barely a whisper. The super soldier’s eyes were glossy, his voice nearly gone.

“I’m Bucky Barnes. I’m no longer the Winter Soldier. But I’m still sorry for fucking up your life.” He blinked away the tears threatening to fall and met her eyes once more.

Polina took a deep breath. “Thank you.” There was a broken smile on her lips now. “I just hope not giving up on people won’t be the end of me.”

Her small smile allowed Bucky to breathe a little easier. The former assassin let a half-smile creep across his face.

“That’s what makes you incredible. You’re always there for the ones you love—even if they don’t deserve it.”

“You know that’s never going to change.” With every word, every confession, every apology, Polina felt lighter than she had in years of therapy. And Bucky could see it too. With every second that passed, her gaze was becoming braver.

“Even if it does… it’s okay.” He smiled a little more, wanting to give her strength. He didn’t want to overstep. And yes—he was ignoring the fact that he had kidnapped her. But in this moment, it felt like none of that mattered.

“From today forward, I’m going to take care of myself.”

Polina swallowed hard at his words. “Is it over?” She wanted to sound confident, but her voice barely rose above a whisper.

Bucky averted his gaze. For a moment, he felt his throat dry up. He moistened his lips, fearing he couldn’t speak otherwise. It felt like all the water in his body had abandoned him.

Eventually, the woman before him gathered her courage again and rose from the bed. “Yes,” he said, walking over to the tray of breakfast he had prepared. He placed it gently on the bed in front of her.

After clearing his throat and regaining his voice, he spoke again: “Eat. After that… you’re free to do whatever you want.” His eyes drifted aimlessly around the room. With his right hand, he rubbed the back of his neck.

“I’ll find a new place for myself. Give me a day or two. After that, you’ll never see me again.”

They say every road has an end— but some endings feel like beginnings.

Even when you think you’ve come a long way, you may find yourself right back where you started.

Because every journey is full of ups and downs, and one wrong step can lead to disaster.

But no matter what— you must stick to the plan and carve your own path.

Because there’s no turning back now.

And this time, it looks like it’s going to be the journey of our lives.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Stockholm syndrome is a term that describes the psychological state of the hostage, which can be summarized as the emergence of emotional sympathy and empathy in the process of possible dialogue with the hostage-taker.

That morning, she was determined to leave behind the memories of her old life and make a fresh start. She put on a comfortable dress and headed to the kitchen. The smell of the breakfast she prepared signaled the beginning of a new day. Yet deep down, she still carried the traces of the past. The silence that filled the room was a reflection of her loneliness.

When she turned to the door, she found a letter. She picked it up and carefully opened it. A few lines from Bucky drew Polina into deep thought:

"Polina,

I hope this letter finds you well. As I promised myself, I’ve used these past few days to leave your life for good.

I’ll be completely gone now, and I’ll do my best to avoid disturbing you. But there are a few things I need to say. I’m sorry again for everything that happened. I know words aren’t enough, but maybe this goodbye will bring you some relief. I regret everything I did—except knowing you. I want you to know that meeting you changed me too.

Now, I have to go my own way. I wish you a happy, peaceful life. I hope your wounds will heal with time and that you’ll be able to smile again.

Take care of yourself and stay strong.

Bucky"

As she read the letter, a few tears rolled down her cheeks. Bucky’s sincerity affected her deeply. She felt something shift inside. It was time to let go of the past.

Polina carefully folded the letter and put it away. For a moment, she drifted into the memories of all they had lived. Then she took a deep breath and moved toward her new beginning. Her hopes for the future began to blossom once more.

She was determined to open the door to a life where she could make her own decisions and live in no one’s shadow. Bucky’s farewell was a turning point for her. Now, she would shape her life with her own hands.

That day, Polina took a small but meaningful step. She went to a little cafe on the other side of the city. She felt it was time to discover new places and meet new people. The cafe's peaceful atmosphere brought her more comfort than she expected.

As she sipped her coffee, her resolve grew stronger. Polina had begun to write her own story, and this time, the pen was entirely in her hands. As the shadows of the past slowly faded, the bright lights of the future began to guide her path.

From that moment on, every new day became a fresh beginning for Polina. Bucky's farewell was not an ending—it was a beginning. As the main character of her own life, it was time for her to savor her freedom. Whatever the future held, Polina was now strong, and no longer a prisoner of the past.

In the weeks that followed, Polina had grown accustomed to her new life and gained more confidence. She was now a woman charting her own course. Yet at times, the scars of the past still haunted her memories.

She had started going out more often. Her self-confidence increased day by day, reaching levels she had never imagined. She frequently explored local cafes, new bookstores, and even new shops.

Today was one of those days. The weather was beautiful, and that was a perfect reason for Polina to step outside. Recently, she had eaten out a lot and discovered new places. While this helped her expand her "comfort zone," it hadn’t helped her budget.

She decided to buy groceries and finally start cooking at home. On her way to the neighborhood market, she had an unexpected encounter. Amid the crowd in front of the store, she saw Bucky. At first, she couldn't believe her eyes, but as she got closer, she realized it was really him.

Bucky stood in front of her. He had a different aura now—calmer, freer. Polina's heart began to race, overwhelmed by emotions she didn’t want to feel.

But Bucky’s face no longer carried the dark marks of the past. Instead, it showed peace and remorse. Seeing him, Polina’s inner resentment and anger were replaced by understanding and compassion.

Two former enemies found themselves face-to-face in the most unexpected way. As conflicting emotions flooded Polina, Bucky quietly approached her. The space between them was filled with years of painful memories.

But no matter what, they had both changed. The shadows of the past no longer ruled them. Polina felt that the inner war had ended. It was time to forgive the past and step into the future.

Bucky quietly moved closer to Polina and took a deep breath. She could feel the regret and internal conflict in his eyes. But this time, he was strong enough not to be crushed by the weight of the past.

"Polina," he said gently. "I hope you’re doing well."

Polina, hearing his voice, continued to wrestle with the complex feelings inside her. Yet somewhere within, she felt a flicker of mercy toward him.

"I’m fine," she replied, trying to steady her voice. "I was just surprised to see you."

Bucky nodded silently. "I’m truly sorry for everything I did. I never meant to hurt you."

As Polina considered his words, she realized her anger was slowly being replaced by acceptance and forgiveness. She was no longer filled with dark emotions. It was time to leave the past behind and step into something new.

"I think it’s time to move on," Polina said firmly. "Maybe this is a chance for a new beginning."

Bucky’s face showed inner peace and gratitude. They had both freed themselves from the chains of the past and were ready for a new start.

As the two stood there in silence, looking at each other, they forgot the past for a moment and stepped into the future. Maybe this unexpected encounter would be the beginning of shedding the darkness and finding new hope.

Polina noticed the change in Bucky’s eyes. He was filled with remorse and a desire for redemption. Maybe there was still hope among the remnants of the past.

"It’s time to leave the past behind," Polina continued, her voice resolute. "The dark days we shared shouldn’t bind us anymore. It’s time to focus on the future."

As Bucky listened, he felt his inner unrest slowly replaced by joy and lightness. The marks of the dark years were beginning to fade. He started to believe he might have a future.

"Maybe you’re right," Bucky said, unable to hide his surprise. "It’s hard to forget the past, but maybe we can step into something new together."

Polina was glad to see Bucky’s inner transformation. She no longer saw him as an enemy—maybe even a potential ally or friend. "We’re ready for a new beginning," she said with a smile. "Maybe we can build something together."

A smile appeared on Bucky’s face. Perhaps he couldn’t undo what he had done in the past, but there were still many things they could do together in the future.

"There’s so much we can do in this world," Bucky responded with a hopeful tone. "Maybe together, we can forget the past and build a new future."

She tried desperately to scream, but it barely came out as a whisper. Her body was overwhelmed by all that anxiety and in that moment she was releasing it, threatening her whole body to surrender within minutes. His throat itched and scraped, but she could barely scream.

Bucky looked at her with a pitying look, almost sweetly, but he could have gone further. He could see how relieved he was to remember Polina, as if she was more than the girl he had frightened in that building. He smiled slyly at the young woman, then nodded.

“Yeah, I'm not a winter soldier anymore, I'm Bucky. But you can call me James from now on.”

Polina stopped her struggle to free her wrists from his iron grip and looked at him as if he had lost his mind. She could be normal now, she had really been through a lot. Still, if he was still out there and not interning in a rehabilitated facility, maybe he was okay, right?

“What?” the young woman finally shouted and Bucky took over the unfinished business, grabbed her wrists in an extremely painful way with his iron grip and started dragging Polina up the stairs again. Her struggle began again but soon ended when she discovered his strength. It was relentless and that arm, those little movements he made, frightened the young woman. She wanted to scream, she wanted to get out even a small syllable but she just sobbed and let the tears flow.

“Please, please…” she began to mumble ramblingly and black spots appeared in her vision from time to time. Bucky didn't seem to care, he still had that little smile gracing his pink lips, and after dragging Polina up the stairs and stopping, he walked past her apartment. He started hyperventilating and moving his legs to kick her.

One even scored and she heard Bucky grunt, but only because he was a pain in the ass. He hadn't really expected to hurt him, he had seen for himself what he was capable of. But he still instinctively hoped to try and succeed.

Bucky heard the distant sound of a door opening, then hurriedly opened the door to his apartment and threw Polina carelessly inside. He was sorry to see the young woman so weak and battered, her hair disheveled and her scarf on the floor. When she heard with horror the lock on the door, she crawled on the floor, looking for something she could do to help.

In a whisper, Polina tried to fight back the tears that blurred her vision and then struggled to her feet again. But her knees were too weak and she felt like she was fainting now and then from the sleep she had lost. It was not the best time to fight like that day. She was weak and vulnerable.

Again.

“You must stop, you may attract unwanted attention.” he said in a rather harsh tone. The young woman heard heavy footsteps coming towards her and they only added to her anxiety. It was the same footsteps she had heard in her nightmares that day. She opened her eyes wide to find a bedside table and a notebook with a pen on it. Without thinking, he picked up the pen in one swift movement, causing the notebook to fall.

The small notebook hit the floor and when it opened casually, the young woman could see Bucky's terror. She pointed the pen at him, deciding that despite the terror that gripped her mind and body, she wanted to save herself, at least for that day. Still, her gaze and expression darkened. He frowned, briefly searching for a way out. Then his eye fell on the notebook again. And he swore he read his name.

Before Polina could pay any more attention, Bucky made a sudden move, tossing the notebook aside and grabbing the young woman's throat at the same time. She gasped, but Polina didn't give up: so she swung the pen towards her arm, only to somehow free herself from the grip of the vibranium arm. She was literally trying to free herself from the vibranium arm with a pen. He started to pinch his hand, which was still wrapped around his neck, into the flesh, just to breathe a little bit more. Just to survive.

Without further ado, she grabbed the sweater off the young woman and threw Polina straight onto the bed. She coughed, feeling a slight pain in her ribs with this little flight, and quickly moved to the other side of the bed. She found her voice again as she felt her ankles grabbing and a second body weighing down the mattress.

“Let me go!”

She screamed, desperately letting him look at her face to face as he continued to hold those bloody hands over her. It was the same, the same as that day. She had been a fool to think he had become a different person from the soldier, he was the same monster. She felt a sting spread across her cheek as she stared at the wall.

Polina desperately tried to breathe as she calmed her anxiety little by little, but the sheer weight on her body was making it difficult.

“I can never leave you but I can hurt you if I have to.” she whispered to the young woman to make sure, her eyes focused on her.

Ice, that's all she saw. Ice and too much darkness for her to bear.

Whispering, she decided to end the fight. She was tired from lack of sleep, tired from the blows, she couldn't take it anymore. Bucky seemed to calm down, his features softened, but he kept his eyes on the young woman. Then, with his normal hand, he stroked her chin and cheek where he had struck her earlier.

“When you have nothing but a void that desperately needs to be filled… you can't understand what it feels like. I remember all the people I've killed…” he began to mumble and judging by his gaze he was almost detached, but she could see his extreme concentration as he continued to place his hand on it while his vibranium arm lay precariously next to his head…

“You can't understand how I felt after the military incident, desperately trying to remember you. When they tortured me, when they erased my memory again and you were the thing that came back to me. Why didn't you look at me, wasn't I worthy of being looked at? I felt something when you looked so helpless and I knew that if I touched you for one more moment you would surely break. You were… so naive. But you didn't dare to look at me for more than five seconds. Why?” his whispers made the young woman writhe in agony and her tears fell silently. His hand slid even lower. He was silent and now he was still stroking the skin of her neck, he had not taken his eyes off the young woman. She was waiting for an answer.

“I was scared, no. I was scared of you, bastard.”

Bucky knew how badly he wanted her dead. In fact, the soldier in him liked it too, but he never told Polina that. Instead he smiled wistfully and brought his hand to her cheek. The young woman watched as the hand of flesh caressed her so carefully. which after a while made her nauseous.

“And now you are afraid of me?”

She was almost hesitant to know the answer, but Bucky knew he needed time. He knew he didn't deserve to be this close to the young woman, but he had finally remembered her. Even though he tried to stop her.

“Clearly,” she whispered in a cracked voice, trying to pull back from his touch.

Bucky didn't let himself be as selfish as he had decided. Instead, he sighed deeply and briefly broke eye contact with the young woman, only to re-establish it a few seconds later with a determination never seen before.

“You are the only person I remember, albeit in a blur. You gradually disappeared and at the same time you were always there, in the same spot. But you see, I don't understand why you prevent me from approaching, why you reject me. I don't understand.”

He was mocking the young woman, Polina was sure of it. She couldn't be serious.

“I just said I was scared of you. You took everything from me, you ruined me! How do you think I could want to stay with you!?”

She had the courage to shout everything in his face from a few millimeters away. Then sobs ravaged her body but she remembered that in the end she could blame him for her own destruction that she had caused. She had to see what he had done, winter soldier or not. Bucky was emotionless in her book.

Bucky stood up suddenly. Thanks to this sudden uprising, Polina could feel a new freedom around her instead of oppression. This sweet illusion lasted only a moment. From the moment he suddenly grabbed her wrist and cuffed it, she realized she had been wrong to keep her guard down. Before the young woman even had a chance to kick her, he tied the other cuffs to the cot, leaving Polina completely helpless. She desperately began to move the cuffs and somehow tried to free herself.

Bucky sat down next to the young woman again, roughly holding her wrist with his normal hand. With his remaining hand, the vibranium one, he decided to grab her face. Polina almost fainted at the movement. It was unbearable, the closeness, the smell and everything she carried with her.

“Honey, I should be the one who's angry with you, you hid from me.”

He growled millimeters from Polina's face. The young woman whimpered into the metal grip she had lightly squeezed, threatening to break her jaw at any moment, even if she had done nothing wrong?

“You still can't see things right, can you? I'm not a winter soldier anymore, but I'm that man who saw you and felt he couldn't do it alone. I was right too, look at you!” he went so far as to shout in the young woman's face with such anger that it made Polina curl up as much as possible and close her eyes.

He pushed Polina back onto the bed, causing her to come from her curled position to a position where she was literally towering over her with her figure, and at that moment the young woman seriously feared that something else might be horrible.

“All you do is live in misery and complete fear, you have no one to take care of you!”

“I take care of myself, as I have done these years… after you.”

He dared to speak again, promised himself one last time. She promised herself she would fight, and despite all the fatigue she was determined to keep that promise. She saw her jaw twitch and stiffen as ice-blue eyes judged the young woman.

“You have done nothing but survive these years like me. I know I was wrong, or rather I wasn't, but it doesn't matter, does it? Give me the chance to save you like you saved me.”

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