#avengerled

The problem with Steve is that he thinks he’s funny.

Generally, he’s right, Tony thinks Steve can be very funny.  Generally their senses of humor tend to be the same, when it comes down to it.  But he also does this thing, this thing exactly, where he thinks he’s funny (and he is) but Tony can’t just laugh it off and move on, because while being genuinely funny it also feels like a challenge.  And Tony just can’t back down from a challenge.

Generally.

This is the scenario:  Steve’s character is now imprisoned, literally, due to a case of mistaken identity and some clever misinformation Tony’s worked around to everyone else over a period of...Well, they don’t have steady game sessions because supervillains don’t really give a shit when it’s DnD night, but since the beginning.  Notes have been passed around the table at every session, each one containing a lie about Steve’s character, a slanderous bit of gossip, something that sows the seeds of doubt and distrust (it’s fine, Tony’s technically done it to the entire group), all intended to put him right where he is.  Because Tony has a reputation as a cruel and harsh DM that is not exaggerated and not undeserved.  Additionally, no one will ever say he goes easy on Steve just because he can make cow eyes at him from across the table.

He doesn’t.  He’d known the minute he’d seen Steve’s character sheet what he was going to do, how best to destroy his character utterly outside a lot of luck, and he’d gotten to work.  This is simply the way.

So...Generally some easygoing DMs would call it good, let him get away with it.  DMs that liked to show favoritism to their significant other would probably let it happen with regularity.  Tony is neither of these types of DM.  He is exactly the opposite of this type of DM.  He doesn’t punish clever thinking, no, but he does punish smartasses who think they’re being clever.  And Steve is definitely being a smartass.  He’s even going to give him a fighting chance, instead of making it impossible to do, because he’s feeling generous.

                  ɪs ᴛʜɪs ᴀ ᴛʀᴀᴘ? This feels like a trap. But even if it is Clint can't bring himself to care. He grins, wide and bright. This would be a moment he never forgets. How many times in his 20's running after Captain America did he want to hear that. Whirlwind was putting it lightly but completely accurate. This better not be putting him out to pasture. Or about to tell him really bad news.

@avengerled​ / steve / “i’m a risk taker! i take risks!” everything’s gonna be okay / accepting

Anything he says right now is going to make him the world’s biggest hypocrite.  If he says No, Steve, you’ve never taken a risk in your life, it makes him a liar.  Steve jumps off of roofs on his bike and from planes with no chute at least five times a month, and that’s when things in their business are slow.  His whole quote-unquote origin story boils down to an experimental treatment that killed or drove mad everyone else that was a part of it.  Steve doesn’t just take risks, he drags risk into an alley and beats it up and then takes the spare change in its pocket.

On the other hand, calling Steve out for this will just make Tony himself look bad, and open the floor for commentary about his own risky behavior.  Of which there is...A...Sufficient amount.  And one thing Tony does not want to do is defend his own risky behavior as justifiable because Steve’s literally acting like he’s never done something that looks both dumb and doomed from the start.

So it’s a very good thing, really, that he’s acting as a load-bearing support for a two-year-old (who doesn’t really need him to do it, anyway - she can fly, after all - but had insisted with her new favorite word, up!) so she can slap her newest neon-colored crayon scribble drawing on the fridge with a magnet and not pay any attention at all to this nonsense that will definitely get him into trouble.  If they start this, it’s going to be a never-ending cycle of metaphorically pointing fingers at each other for every last risky thing either of them have ever done.

But Tony is not a smart man.  Oh, he’s a genius, sure enough, he can do polynomial equations in his head while having an unrelated conversation while doing delicate soldering work while under fire.  But he’s never seen an argument he’ll back down from, and he’s never been called submissive and reserved.

Halley gets her picture pinned to the fridge with the magnet she’s chosen (an oversized glow in the dark stegosaurus that is not at all biologically accurate) and he holds up a hand for a high five for a job well done.  She’s not, he’s sure, at the peak of what she’s going to be (she’s a toddler, after all) but damned if that doesn’t sting when she takes him up on it.  Being on Team Completely Human in this family is the biggest reality check he can have, he thinks.  "I wouldn’t say you’re...Not a risk-taker.”

There, that’s diplomatic.  And, to a degree, fairly true.  Tony will still argue Steve’s always been brave where Tony cannot, and has therefore given Tony courage when he’s most needed it.  They are where they are to begin with because Steve broke the rules first.  Steve is, as well, working on giving him an ulcer for the stunts he pulls in the field.  Tony’s here playing dad to an overpowered toddler he’d kill and-or die for because of it.  But there are things you can set your watch by when it comes to Steve, because those things will literally never change.  His lack of a poker face, for example, or his steadfast resistance to things like taking a break or a vacation.

“Look me in the eyes and tell me you’re not thinking about that hotline again.”  Tony had been in California, getting his shit together, when all that had been going down, but will he ever let it go?  Absolutely not.  “You and Sam are really not subtle.”

@avengerled​ / steve / "Okay, do you think Halley wants a Paw Patrol or dinosaur themed birthday party? And should her cake have blue flowers or red flowers or orange flowers? What if we got her a bouncy house, what kind of upkeep is necessary for those?" 

“Paw Patrol’s out, Go Go Dino Explorers and Dino the Dinosaur are in.  Keep up, old man.”  It’s not like she’s managed to acquire an almost three foot stuffed dinosaur that has a permanent place (this month) in prime real estate in her room or anything.  Honestly can’t have come at a better time, Tony’s still catching himself singing Paw Patrol’s theme song under his breath at the worst possible times; a month ago it had been over comms during a dust up with AIM, and he still hasn’t lived it down.

He has a two year old, what do they want from him.  He never said anything about the constant Smashmouth earworm he’d gotten in his brain when Luna had been that small and had latched onto Shrek, had he?  He had not.

He drops the laundry basket Jarvis had handed him with a significant look not two minutes previously as he’d passed through the kitchen with a face, taking a moment to consider the idea that if he “forgets” it there someone else will maybe take pity on him and fold the contents and put them away but...He sneaks a glance at Steve.  Yeah, he has as much of a chance of that happening as he does getting their oh-so-wonderful teammates to give him a little slack about knowing all the names of all the pups on Paw Patrol.  Which is to say...None.

“Orange flowers, it’s less likely to stain and that way no one can claim either of us are co-opting a two year old’s birthday.”  And if they go with the dino theme, it’s easy to pick up some toy dinosaurs to go on the cake that Tony is surely destined to step on in the middle of the night.  A precursor to the lego days that are absolutely coming down the pipe.  She’s old enough for Duplo, anyway.  “No bouncy house, she’s still too small.  I vote we cover the table with butcher paper and let them go wild with the crayons.  She’s two, she’s not interested in anything yet but the cake and toys.  At this point the party is to keep the adults entertained.“

It helps that literally everyone’s kids are all in the same age bracket.  Makes things easier.

@avengerled​ / bucky / ❝ i’d marry you. i’d marry you twice. ❞ skyrim starters / accepting

“I think most people would agree once was probably punishment enough.”  The self-depreciating, sardonic humor doesn’t stop that unfortunately goofy smile from spreading across his face, however, as much as he wishes he could at least tame it into something less...That exactly.  Logically, it’s a silly thing to get squirmy about; Bucky’s seen him in all states at this point, if he’s going to run screaming it’s not because Tony is entirely less cool and suave as advertised, all because, God forbid, Bucky said something nice about him.

And he loves Bucky so much it makes his heart hurt sometimes.  It’s a unique and surprisingly pleasant and comforting kind of ache.

He reaches over to lace their fingers together and drop a kiss on Bucky’s nose.  “But happy anniversary to you, too, anyway.”

The year previously he’d been so shell-shocked someone had actually survived engagement to him (the whole less than three weeks it had existed between getting engaged and getting married, but who’s counting) and that they’d made it to the one year mark without him even realizing it that he’d...Well.  He won’t say he flubbed it, but he could have done better.  This year, though...This year he’s going to pass the anniversary exam with flying colors.  He has a plan.  He has an itinerary.  He’s had Friday remind him what’s felt like every five minutes for the last two months.  And he’s managed to not only remember but actually pull the trigger on the execution, despite Avengers business, despite the chaos inherent with building an entire house from the ground up, and despite him being him.

He’s pretty proud of himself, he won’t lie about that.

But they can stand here and continue their mutual appreciation society, or they can get moving, so he kisses Bucky’s forehead, gives his hand a squeeze, and starts tugging him toward the door, because they’ve got a plane to catch.  “Time to go, gorgeous, you’ve got everything?  Passport?  Somebody on cat duty?”