is it overstimulation when suddenly you want to escape whatever you’re doing, you want to go away from wherever you are, everything you before wanted to do feels terrifying, like, you wanted to eat strawberries but you see them and suddenly you’re not ready for the juice, you’re not ready to feel the texture, not ready to bite, touching the plate is weird, like, really weird, like its wrong in some way, like hou cant and you don’t want to touch anything because everything feels wrong under your touch and you don’t even want to feel the chair you’re sitting at, you don’t want to hear any aound, you cant think, you want complete silence and absolutely no light because everything feels wrong sound its too loud and every light its too bright and you definitely don’t want to emit any sound, no way i open my mounth to say anything, and you need to be completely still
problem is that i still want to do what i wanted to do but now i don’t feel ready, im scared that ill get hurt and i will not recognise it, like, i wanted to watch a series but what if the screen is too bright? what if the volume too high? because it will always be even if i lower it, but i have difficulty recognising what i feel and my meeds and shit, so i will not exactly know if it hurts me, if it does my immediate response is to ignore it and i will cry later and i don’t exactly want it
now writing this is distracting me from whatever im feeling because i don’t know and apparently i don’t want to know but writing it down helps with everything
so is it overstimulation? pls help me i don’t know what to do, never
yk what helps? nuzzling my feet togheter. don’t ask me why. its just relaxing and grounding, i really don’t know why, but it comes instinctively when it start to pass
cuz, like, there are some sort of phases? there’s the initial struck, i immobilise, then i try to eliminate all sounds and lights and try to not touch anything, after a few mins i can start doing something but im still on edge, i do the thing with the feet, i fidget with something that gives me comfort and i distract myself until it passes
anyway this is another thing, im always fucking on edge, always tense in some way, im bot aware of it but im so fucking tense all the time, maybe im more aware of it in those moments
does any of this makes sense?
