#autistic shutdowns

Chapter 3 is up!

I'm an Autistic adult, and that means sometimes life, and the world around me, can be overwhelming. When I am overwhelmed, I may meltdown, or shut down.

Patreon members and YouTube channel members had access to this video on June 23, 2022. The video’s public release will be Aug 31, 2022. ID: Lyric, a pale skinned nonbinary person with short green, teal, purple, pink, orange, and yellow hair with shaved sides and jet black roots is sitting outside in a wooded camp sight, their beige RV can be seen behind them. They are wearing a neon yellow shirt…

You're sat in a classroom. You've been doing some work on your chosen field of study (English, Science, Engineering, Games Design, doesn't matter.)

Suddenly, you start to lose the drive to continue working, until you stop completely. You ask yourself questions; "Why have I stopped? What's going on?"

Then the anxiety kicks in.

-You need to leave.-

"What? Why?"

-You need to leave.-

"But I'm SAFE here!"

-You NEED to LEAVE.-

"No, not  this again. PLEASE, not this again."

-You need to leave. NOW.-

"But we're fine! We're safe! Nobody here is going to hurt us!"

-LEAVE. NOW.-

And so on and so forth. As this mental conversation with yourself happens, your body starts to close in on its self. Your head goes onto your desk, your arms cover it and try to block out the sounds going on around you. Sometimes you cry, hoping that no-one will notice, yet at the same time, hoping that the staff member in the room or someone sees that you're in distress and comes and helps you.

Sometimes the voice in your head loses. You stay in the class room, but you can't finish the work anymore.

Sometimes, it wins. You get up, you pick up your stuff and you leave the room. You feel so guilty about it afterwards, yet there was nothing you could do to stop it.

This sort of stuff has gotten to the point where I'm scared to look for a job, scared to HAVE a job, mainly because I'm worried that something like this will happen on a regular basis. Regular enough that I get fired for having something like this that I can't control.

So I start searching for another job.

I find one.

Start working.

Have another series of "shut-downs."

Get fired again.

And so on.

I get so scared, yet I know I can't keep living on Job Seeker's Allowance for the rest of my life. I can't let that happen.

What are autistic shutdowns? How is a shutdown different from a meltdown? What does a shutdown feel like? How can I help someone who is going through an autistic shutdown? Answers to all of these questions and more in this week's episode of Ask an Autistic!

Further reading on autistic shutdowns:

http://neurowonderful.tumblr.com/post/81505524603/is-shutting-down-completely-an-autistic-trait-when-my

http://musingsofanaspie.com/2012/10/17/where-i-go-when-i-shutdown/

http://life-with-aspergers.blogspot.ca/2008/12/shutdown-specific-type-of-meltdown.html

http://www.autismhwy.com/articledetails.php?id=73