#autistdaredevil

Heya, I remember you! It’s great to hear from you. And I’m so happy for you, that you found that group and can be part of such a community even in the midst of an unwelcoming space. 

cw: being outed mention, non-accepting parent

Hey there, I remember you and keep you in my prayers! It’s good to hear from you again, though i’m so sorry to hear about the situation you’re in. Being outed is so painful, and so is loved ones not understanding you. I really feel for you <3

Gosh, I hate when people pull the “selfishness” card about LGBT+ persons. It’s an assertion I’ve found difficult to refute with anything solid just because it’s so…..I don’t know. For one thing, can’t it easily be flipped on the accuser? They say it’s selfish for you to want to be with a woman – well couldn’t you say it’s selfish of them to try to stop you from being with a woman??

The whole concept of “selfishness” feels like something people misuse a lot, you know? People asserting their rights or needs or boundaries are often accused of being selfish, and that’s just not right. Ours is a God of abundance and fullness of life for all – God doesn’t intend for us to deny our own needs and healthy wants, but rather to do what we can to ensure that everyone’s needs and rights, including our own, are met. 

An explanation of selfishness I once heard that I like is “Selfishness is putting your wants over someone else’s needs. It’s not selfishness to put your needs over someone else’s wants.” I would possibly add that it’s also not necessarily selfishness to put your wants over someone else’s wants, with context sort of determining which “want” should win out.

When it comes to your desire to be with a woman – that is not a selfish want. Human beings need relationships of various kinds in order to be happy and healthy. While not everyone experiences a need for romantic or sexual relationship, some of us do, and seeking to fulfill that need is not a selfish thing. 

In fact, seeking to fulfill this desire God put in you can lead to good fruit – many of us experience new ways to share God’s love and service with the world by living into our LGBTQ+ identities and relationships. See my good fruit tag if you haven’t before!

A couple more things I’ll bring up before closing this: the first is that the opposite of selfishness is not self-denial. Nor is self-care, or seeking to embrace the self God fashioned you to be.Your father seems to want you deny an important part of yourself for…what? for his own comfort and ease? because of his own fears or expectations? But if God calls you towards a relationship with a woman one day, you shouldn’t flee that call! 

The last thing is that your father might be coming from an assumption about what the instruction to “honor your father and mother” means; you might find my tag on that topic interesting. 

Sorry this answer was kinda all over the place, but I hope that you can experience an ease in worry soon. God loves you deeply, God made you to desire a relationship with a woman, and that is holy and good!