#autismunderstanding

Many autistic individuals find comfort and security in routines. Routines can help reduce anxiety, provide predictability, and give a sense of control. Changes in routine, however, can be incredibly distressing and lead to increased anxiety and behavioral challenges.

A lot of people know I don’t like hugs.

This isn’t entirely correct.

I hate light touch, because it is physically painful and/or uncomfortable. Unfortunately, it’s a regular part of life (which I very much dislike). Often when people meet me, they consider a light touch on the shoulder an acceptable greeting. When someone wants to get around me, they will usually lightly touch my hip or waist and move me out of the way. People want a hug when we first meet, or when I go somewhere to meet them (even if I don’t know them well). Generally, I can get away with sticking my arm out for a quick handshake instead. Handshakes are still uncomfortable, but they are not as anxiety-inducing as hugs. I find that people try to hug myself and other women, but attempt a handshake with men, which is annoying.

One way to explain this would be to imagine you are stabbed by a tiny needle. It’s gonna hurt, you’re going to flinch away, and you’re going to say ‘ouch!’ and probably get annoyed at the person who pricked you. You will probably try to avoid this person. The prick will be even worse if it’s done unexpectedly, or done from behind you when you cannot see it coming.

Now imagine people get offended when you flinch away, or get annoyed when you try to say ‘no, I don’t really want you to stab me, thanks’. Imagine pricking someone was an acceptable way to move them, to greet them, to show affection. That sounds like a pretty crazy world, in my opinion.

For me, light touch feels painful, like a pin prick. And like a pin prick, I need to rub the area that has been touched afterwards to remove the horrid muscle memory. People often get offended by this, or at the very least look affronted. How dare I deal with the pain in a way that doesn’t affect them at all! (Sarcasm)

On the other hand, deep pressure or firm touch feels fine, calming, and even intensely relaxing. Going back to the needle metaphor, consider a magic trick. A magician pricks themselves with a pin to prove it’s real. They then go to lie down in a bed of pins. The audience is in suspense, worried they will be sliced up. But no! They are fine. They lie down, then get back up and bow with not a scratch on them.

Firm touch is similar to this, in my experience. Light touch takes all of my attention. My nervous system is going ‘Hey! Over here! We are under attack! Pay attention! Who cares about maths or writing, this is painful and we must defend ourselves!’. I’m hyper-focused on that one tiny spot of light touch. Deep, firm touch is different. My nervous system registers the touch is there, and then moves on. I think this may be how non-autistic people experience all forms of touch.

Deep pressure can be incredibly calming. I cannot explain it, but maybe consider the relaxing feeling you get when you sink into a comfy bed after a long day on your feet. The comfort and relaxation is amazing.

Back to hugs.

When I was younger, people would often hug me even if I was overwhelmed or made it clear I didn’t want a hug. I’d feel guilty for rejecting their hug, but also angry and confused as to why I couldn’t deal with it like everyone else. I came to associate hugs with pain and sensory overload, because people would try to comfort me during a sensory overload in the same way that they would comfort a non-autistic child; by hugging me. But in sensory overload, hugs are painful. Touch is painful. I remember that once a friend wanted to hug me at lunch time in school, but that situation is incredibly overwhelming and I refused. She proceeded to circle her arms around me without touching me ‘because that’s not a hug’. I curled up into a ball and kept saying ‘no’ and trying to ask her to stop without pushing or using force. Everyone was laughing, because they didn’t understand that this was intensely stressful and anxiety inducing. Every inch of me was in fight or flight mode. I was terrified. My senses were saying ‘something is here, something is preparing to attack’.

She eventually stopped, and I instantly moved away. But then I tried to laugh it off. Making and keeping friends is very difficult for me, and everyone else was laughing and I felt the only way forward was to suppress my anxiety and pretend everything was fine.

I didn’t feel I could say ‘that wasn’t okay’. I can’t remember if I told her about it later.

But they didn’t accept me saying no. They completely disrespected my bodily autonomy.

It’s terrifying. If an autistic person doesn’t want to hug you, PLEASE do not force them. It is so very scary, and all it teaches us is that saying ‘no’ doesn’t matter; other people’s feelings matter more than our pain and fear.

So that is why I would tell everyone ‘I hate hugs’. I believed it for a while.

I’ve since come to realise I LOVE HUGS. When they are from family or friends, when they are very tight, when I’m not overwhelmed, and, most importantly, when I seek them. If I want to hug you, I will (unless you don’t want me to). If you ask for a hug or indicate you want one, give me the choice as to whether or not I will comply. Don’t force hugs.

And please, when someone says ‘hey, I’m touch sensitive and light touch actually hurts so please don’t touch me lightly’, don’t laugh, then touch them and go ‘wait, like this? This hurts'?’.

Yes. It does. I just told you. Listen when someone tells you that something hurts. Don’t make them prove it. I’ve learned to hide the expressions of panic and pain from light touch, because it makes others uncomfortable and offends them.

If you want a hug, ask.

If they say no, respect that.

It’s really not that complicated.

Nonverbal Autism is a subtype of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) characterized by a significant difficulty in using spoken language. However, nonverbal doesn't mean non-communicative. Individuals who are nonverbal often find alternate ways to express themselves, such as using sign language, Picture Exchange Communication System (PECS), or technology-assisted communication devices.

I have 4 aunts, 3 of which are teachers (one retired). At least one of them has asked if I have any suggestions for classroom related stimming.

First of all, if someone is not harming themselves, others, or property, then there is no need to stop them stimming.

Try to see this from the child’s perspective.

We take in too much information throughout the day and often need a bit longer to process it and respond:

Stimming can help us cope with this excess of information. If I’m having a stressful day, then adding more stress in the form of a classroom is going to be anxiety-inducing. But I deal with it, because I don’t really have a choice. One method of dealing is stimming.

The next video shows the sensory overload of a supermarket. A classroom is rife with similar overwhelming sensory inputs. The overly bright fluorescent lights, the clock ticking in the corner, the ‘naughty’ kids chatting away, the ‘class clown’ making people laugh until your head throbs, the fake fruity smell of deodorant or perfume, the noises of kids in other classrooms or the hallways, the birdsong from outside…

School is sensory hell.

Imagine being in the sensory hell of the above video. Then imagine being there for 6 hours a day, 5 days a week, with one hour for lunch (which is even worse!). Then try doing work on top of that. Frankly, you would struggle.

This is everyday life for many people. And the ways they use to cope can lead to intense bullying (most autistic people have been bullied) and severe mental health problems (autistic kids are 28x as likely to experience suicidal ideation, and anxiety and depression is common amongst autistic people).

Honestly, rather than trying to encourage the child to stim in ‘less annoying’ ways, I would suggest finding ways to reduce their sensory overload. Fight bullying, don’t tell the kids the same things they’ve heard from mean kids already (that they are acting ‘weird’ and should stop, that they are ‘stupid’ or worse words, or that they are ‘annoying’ others). Trust me, we have heard it already. And we see it every time autism is in the media. Teachers can make an enormous difference to a confused, isolated kid. Don’t encourage them to mask (it can lead to intense anxiety, even depression). Don’t tell them off for stimming.

I get that stimming can be ‘disruptive’. But all of the non-autistic kids are fidgeting in ways that are annoying me, and aren’t getting told off. Yet when I do it, I have to stop because they are ‘struggling to focus’.

Figure out why a kid is stimming in a disruptive manner.

Are they humming loudly? Maybe the room is too loud and they need to block out the background noise.

Are they tapping the table? Maybe those kids chatting in the back are saying cruel things that they want to ignore.

Are they chewing on their clothes? Maybe they are experiencing high levels of anxiety because they are perfectionists, and the chewing comforts them.

Before you try to change the child, try changing the environment.

Look at the environment from an autistic perspective. Or bring an autistic person in to evaluate your classroom.

Maybe your clock ticks. I would suggest replacing it, but due to the non-existent budget for teachers it may be better to simply remove in and ensure you have a digital time display available like the laptop. If a child asks for the time, tell them (not knowing is very anxiety inducing in my experience).

Maybe you leave your windows open. Maybe you have radiators on. An autistic person may struggle with the fluctuating temperature, so allow them to pick a spot away from either of these things, and try to avoid using these methods unless necessary.

School clothes are incredibly uncomfortable! I would want to rip mine off by the end of the day, because the jumper was loose and kept brushing against my skin lightly, which was physically painful for me. Try bringing this up with the head teacher so they can consider this the next time they change a school uniform. Maybe children with an Autism Spectrum Disorder diagnosis could be allowed more lax uniform rules (for example, just ensuring they have a white top rather than a white polo). Maybe they could wear something comfortable underneath, and just wear a school jacket or jumper over the top. Also, it’s really annoying when you have to wear a dress and have no choice. School dresses hurt because they kept brushing against me. Encourage your head teacher to have gender neutral clothing!

Let the kid go somewhere quiet, like the bathroom or an empty room. If they are older or more responsible, let them have headphones in class. If they aren’t, make sure they have access to ear defenders.

Give kids somewhere other than the canteen to go for lunch. It’s really loud! People sometimes throw food. The floor has messy, slippery bits. It’s a social nightmare if you don’t have friends.

TALK TO THE INDIVIDUAL. Maybe send the child’s parents an email asking how to make your classroom more autism friendly. Maybe talk to the child after class is over (make it clear they are not in trouble though!). Also, instead of expecting answers the first time you ask, encourage them to write down things during class if they annoy, frustrate, or overwhelm them, and give them to you at the end of class. Asking them once with no time to think back on it means you will miss a lot of stuff.

Once you’re completely sure you’ve done everything you reasonably can to help the child, then MAYBE consider working with them (with their consent!) on replacing ‘disruptive’ stims (whilst always allowing them to say ‘no’ and reject your ideas and just leave this extra work). If they are verbally stimming, try asking them why. If you can’t figure it out, you could buy a cheap karaoke set, or just get them to go into a separate room for 10 minutes in the middle of a lesson when they get restless, to sing and hum to their hearts content. If they are stimming with their body or seeking tactile input (EG tapping, clicking, etc), try finding silent, tactile stim toys for them to use instead. Maybe something to do with a special interest. Work with the child, not in opposition to them.

Also, don’t stop kids from rocking. It doesn’t affect anyone. It doesn’t make noise, it doesn’t involve destruction, it doesn’t affect anyone else in any way other than making them feel ‘uncomfortable’ with the ‘weird’ behaviour. It is very good for decreasing stress and coping with the sensory environment.

Depending upon the age and maturity of the kids, they could be taught about autism and about stimming. I’ve heard kids nowadays may be kinder towards kids with disorders, disabilities, and special needs (obviously not all kids, there is more than enough evidence that many kids are still cruel). So maybe explaining why a child is stimming would help them not get annoyed by it. Because people seem to get annoyed by things they don’t understand even if it doesn’t affect them (such as rocking). This won’t help with ‘disruptive’ stims but it may help increase understanding and acceptance, which is vital.

Some of my sensory seeking behaviours and some ways in which people can help :) 

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