There are parents of autistic kids who accept their child’s autism and keep their fight turned outward towards the world. This post is not about those parents.

This post is for the parents who think it’s All About Them(tm) and use hashtags like #autismsucks.

I’m so tired of those Autism Parents(tm) leading the conversation and telling the world how much autism sucks when the real suckage is their attitude topped with the lack of respite services. How about those agencies who put parents through endless red tape without ever delivering on their promises to give them a break?

Nonverbal autistic people who need lots of daily help and can’t make their communications understood can be a lot of work to take care of. I’m not denying that. Someone who needs 3 to 1 care in a house with only two caregivers means nobody gets a break when a behavior emergency can pop up at any moment day or night. One of you strains a muscle or throws out your back and now it’s just 1 on 1 and nobody sleeps for more than 3 hours at a time. 

I get it. 

Here’s the thing: Autistic people with extensive care needs are still human beings and deserve to be treated and talked about like human beings. Being autistic isn’t their fault, so why do you blame them for all the difficulties in your life?

Autism Parents, when you tag things with #autismsucks you are telling the world you think your child sucks. I don’t care what your intent is, that is the message you send. That message has been pervaded by antivaxxers and Autism Speaks. It trains your brain to see autism as something to fight and destroy, but you have to fight and destroy a person to do that.

Push it far enough and you get parents who think murdering their autistic / disabled child is the solution to their problems. Pushing disability as a burden literally kills people. Think about that for a minute and realize the message you send with #autismsucks can be deadly. Maybe not to your child, but to someone else’s.

Autism isn’t all rainbows and glitter and I don’t pretend it is. It’s hard to BE autistic in a world that tells me I suck and should be erased. How would you like it if somebody said “I hate the way you are, go die”? (Probably not hard to imagine, it’s thrown around in anon hate all the time on this site...)

It’s okay to be frustrated. It’s okay to be tired. It’s okay to not know what to do next. It’s okay to be overwhelmed. It’s okay to be angry. It’s okay to be afraid for your child’s future. It’s okay to hate that yet another agency has said your child is too complex and claims they’re sorry they can’t help you. It’s okay to be upset that your plans are screwed again because you had to get your kid through a meltdown. It’s okay to say it’s hard because it IS hard.

But when you say #autismsucks you are blaming your child for having a brain that works differently than yours, and that’s not their fault. When you say you hate autism, you are saying you hate your child because you cannot separate autism from the person. You just can’t. 

Your child didn’t choose to be autistic. They aren’t being autistic to ruin your life. You are choosing to speak hatefully about a person you claim to love, and chances are they might find it someday when they’re older. (And if you say they won’t, shame on you for not presuming competence.) 

How would you feel if you found out your mom or dad told the internet that you suck and are a pain in the ass to take care of and how they wished you were somebody else?

Get angry, but save your anger for the people who promise to help you take care of your child and then let you down. That isn’t the fault of your autistic child, that’s the fault of the system that should be there for you and them. Save your anger for doctors who blow your concerns off with “they’re autistic, they do that.” Save your anger for hired caregivers who come in and abuse a nonverbal autistic person who can’t tell you what’s happening to them.

You can’t fight for your child if you’re fighting against them.

It’s a simple concept to not dehumanize your autistic child (whether they’re little or adult) on the internet. They’re your offspring, they need your love and they need you to talk about them like you really love them.

If you can’t grasp that simple concept...you suck and this hashtag is all about you. Isn’t that what some of you always wanted? #AutismParentsSuck

Further reading:

https://theestablishment.co/how-autism-warrior-parents-harm-autistic-kids-6700b8bf6677

https://theestablishment.co/no-im-not-glamorizing-my-autism-f56c998efb0a